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Fantasy and Reality

A

aspiegirlfriend

Member
My dear sweet friend who has aspergers calls me his bride. He has never been married. This
is very sweet and has now become our thing. I call him my groom and he calls me his bride.
At first I thought this was very endearing, however I am now starting to wonder if he can actually distinguish between reality and fantasy. Any feedback would be welcome.
 
Pretty hard to determine on what you've said. Besides, we don't know how he says it or anything.

But he sounds like he wants your relationship with him to be more than just friends if he's calling you his bride.
 
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He is a very gentle soul and says it lovingly. When he sees me he always asks "Will you be my bride" and I respond with of course I will. He has said numerous times that he doesn't see us getting married, nor do I as we are older now. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me to play out this fantasy. Regardless, he is very special and we get along very very well.
 
Welcome :)

You say he's your friend so are you not in a relationship with him? If not, and you think he may have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality, maybe continuing to indulge this fantasy isn't a good thing? I could be wrong, but more info would be helpful.
 
aspiegirlfriend said:
He is a very gentle soul and says it lovingly. When he sees me he always asks "Will you be my bride" and I respond with of course I will. He has said numerous times that he doesn't see us getting married, nor do I as we are older now. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me to play out this fantasy. Regardless, he is very special and we get along very very well.
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I'm confused by your relationship. You say he's a very sweet and dear friend. But he says he doesn't see you and him getting married - implying you two are in a relationship. Are you two on 'separate pages'?
 
He is my boyfriend....we have been seeing each other for about 6 months now. Neither of us see getting married. We are of retirement age so neither of us are concerned about that. We are not on separate pages. We live separately and would consider each other as companions.
 
xudo said:
Welcome :)

You say he's your friend so are you not in a relationship with him? If not, and you think he may have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality, maybe continuing to indulge this fantasy isn't a good thing? I could be wrong, but more info would be helpful.
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aspiegirlfriend said:
He is my boyfriend....we have been seeing each other for about 6 months now. Neither of us see getting married. We are of retirement age so neither of us are concerned about that. We are not on separate pages. We live separately and would consider each other as companions.
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aspiegirlfriend said:
He is my boyfriend....we have been seeing each other for about 6 months now. Neither of us see getting married. We are of retirement age so neither of us are concerned about that. We are not on separate pages. We live separately and would consider each other as companions.
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Right okay. Well to me it sounds him calling your his bride is just his attempts are trying the cutsie lover's nicknames thing. If he says he doesn't want to be married then I would think that's what he means. Depending on how his autism affects him he might not be too capable with covert style of communication anyway. Bear in mind that I have absolutely no idea what your relationship is like outside of you two being in love with each other or what he is like as a person but I would think it's harmless nicknaming.
 
Logical deduction. He's already prefaced the relationship with saying, "He doesn't see us getting married". You agree.

I'd just take it as a term of endearment. No more, but no less either. This is good. Right?

Not one I'd use under the circumstances...but I suppose it's the thought that counts more than the words used. Though I suppose I shouldn't use the phrase "for better or worse, richer or poorer" either. Oops. Too late. My bad. :p

Seriously though, I wouldn't give it any more thought. ;)
 
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aspiegirlfriend said:
My dear sweet friend who has aspergers calls me his bride. He has never been married. This
is very sweet and has now become our thing. I call him my groom and he calls me his bride.
At first I thought this was very endearing, however I am now starting to wonder if he can actually distinguish between reality and fantasy. Any feedback would be welcome.
Click to expand...
He likely wants you in that way but does not believe it to be possible so this is his way to be with one he adores yet at a safe distance. And perhaps he loves your soul but is not attracted to you in another way. Maybe not so much fantasy as finding a way to make it all work for him. And........he is lucky to have you. Aspies often desire opposite sex relationships not for romance but for companionship and fun.
 
Peace said:
He likely wants you in that way but does not believe it to be possible so this is his way to be with one he adores yet at a safe distance. And perhaps he loves your soul but is not attracted to you in another way. Maybe not so much fantasy as finding a way to make it all work for him. And........he is lucky to have you. Aspies often desire opposite sex relationships not for romance but for companionship and fun.
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Thanks for that...very helpful. He very much loves romance too but it feels like he can not handle seeing me too frequently. You used the word distance, and I feel like he keeps me at a distance...not letting me get too close. He will confide in me about lots of things. I am very lucky to have him in my life too. He tells me I bring out the best in him and I believe that.

Thanks for your input.
 
aspiegirlfriend said:
but it feels like he can not handle seeing me too frequently.
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For me, this is a major tenet of being on the spectrum of autism. That's it's about my autism. Not the people in my immediate orbit.

That it really ISN'T PERSONAL. And never is.

That for many of us, we can only stand human contact in small doses. Not only meaning fewer people, but even the exposure to one person in particular. It's just who and what we are.
 
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