External meltdowns vs Internal meltdowns

[Fade2black]

Everyone is aware of the external meltdowns. But, there is very little said about the internal meltdowns. Somewhere along the way when I was in my teens, my meltdowns became internal. On the outside, I appeared to be unemotional. Yet, on the inside, there was a typhoon of emotions and rage occurring. Even as a middle aged adult I still have these. In my opinion, the internal meltdowns are worse than external.

I'm not asking for coping skills but I am interested if other adults on the spectrum have, in their lives, transitioned from external to internal meltdowns and what reasons they feel caused the change. For me, I think it's because once I realized I was different, I basically wanted to be invisible.

 

[unperson]

I think it's called 'shutdown' as opposed to meltdown.

I have experienced an adult meltdown in another (undx'ed) person and it was pretty shocking, it's like this can't go on...

 

[Aspychata]

l do have this but l view it has a mental health break. Frustration needs to be identified and worked thru. Its a normal reaction and everyone has different ways of dealing with it. I have become much better at dealing with people pushing my buttons. l just work on ignoring things more. I use to cry when overwhelmed. l stop being upset because it doesn't accomplish anything. Now l examine what is creating the feelings l have and identifing them. Recently- it was an extremely dysfunctional place where l was employed. When l started calling people on their bad behaviors, suddenly l was disliked. But when l first arrived, l was afraid to speak up for myself. When l left l felt they did me a favor by forcing me to grow-up. But l came home wacked out from the dysfunction there. l had some internal crashing. Finally l knew quitting was my only option.

 

[Soleil]

I've never had meltdowns, but I do sometimes have shutdowns. When things get too noisy and bright I can get a little frustrated and can't really deal with anything anymore. I get anxious and it gets hard to talk. I don't go totally nonverbal, but speaking just requires a lot more effort than usual.

But sometimes I get a sort of emotional overload. Usually this means some sort of pressure and anxiety just overwhelming me. First I get upset and it gets hard to talk. Then I start crying uncontrollably. Once I stop crying I'm totally nonverbal... it feels like speaking would require WAY more effort than I can give. It takes a bit before I can start communicating with text or signing again, and a little more time before I can start speaking again.

 

[SDRSpark]

Yep, definitely. Thankfully most of my meltdowns are internal - the external meltdowns only happen when I can't hold it in any longer (they happen a lot less now that I recognize them for what they are and can get myself away from whatever is causing it).

It's different from a shutdown...shutdown I don't feel anything. Staring off into space and there's nothing really there, it becomes difficult to speak, react, etc. Internal meltdown is a surge of barely controlled rage and all I want to do is run around screaming and throwing things.