Emotional Distress at Minor Things

[Maria Ventresca]

Hi, I recently had to spend a week without my parents around, I stayed with my grandmother the first half, and at home with my little brothers the second half. On one of the days towards the end of the week, I had to call a cab to get to counseling, as my brother, who usually drives me, was at school. I had called several hours ahead of time and requested the cab for about a half hour before the appointment. The cab wasn't arriving at the designated time, so I called the company and they said they were just so busy they couldn't get a definitive time on when they could get someone out, especially since no one really goes to the area I live at.

After this call, I just got so frustrated! I just started crying an yelling that I just wanted to go to counseling, and then I got even more upset as time went on and the cab still wasn't there by my appointment time, and I just started crying even more about how poorly I was handling something simple like a late cab, and asking myself why I couldn't just be normal.

Luckily, a cab came and I made my appointment 45 minutes late but I got my full hour in, and the driver gave me his card so I could call him directly if I need a cab from my home again, which is nice. But the main point is, does anyone here get irrationally upset at seemingly minor things? I talked it over with my parents and they think maybe being alone at the time exacerbated my emotional state, as I have a fear of being alone.

 

[KinksFan]

Sweet Pea hugs

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Sweet Pea hugs

That's cute!

Anyway, you can count me in. It happens whenever I have no control over a situation and whatever is going on is really important and not going the way I need it to go. One example when I was younger happened when my friend and I went to the Caribbean. I had never traveled. We made it to the San Juan airport and my luggage was lost - the gowns I needed in order to go to dinner. No one spoke English and I just started bawling right there! (I can laugh at it now, but I was ready to cancel the whole trip and charge my way back home.) Some airport guy came over and tried to help and spoke some broken English and I can't remember what he said, but it calmed me down and we made it to the ship where my luggage of formal wear showed up eventually, but then they lost my luggage of underwear! I just wanted everything to be perfect and nothing really goes perfect. I'd probably be the same way on my wedding day!

 

[dragonless]

So sorry for your frustrating and nail-biting incident. i can really relate, especially in new situations (i've only called a cab once and the thought of trying a bus terrifies me!) i usually can keep it together until i'm alone but once in awhile a last straw has been placed and i will start crying or getting pissed or both. Conversations on the phone really upset me - i get extremely frustrated at my inability to take in all the info, especially if it has to do with directions, and most of the time it ends with me cutting the call short and then sobbing.

It sounds as if you had a panicky moment combined with frustration at not being in any control over when the taxi would arrive - all of this wrapped in a new situation with a side order of feeling alone and scared. i think your reaction was perfectly understandable.

 

[JKG]

Yeah, I can relate, too. I had a total meltdown once at the airport because they wouldn't let me take a gift through security. Felt like the sky was falling and that the earth had come off its axis.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, yes and treble yessies lol

However, I do not get off so lightly as my husband really doesn't get me. But to be fair, he has this grown woman who looks normal, but is acting like a mad woman.

I also get hyper happy when some things pleases me. Just this morning, I walk into our living room and immediately note a huge box full of eucalyptus leaves, had vanished and suddenly, I could breath. My husband's passion is eucalyptus trees, and it was driving me mental to see it take up half our room, but he kindly dealt with it and put our new single chair in its place and made me jump for joy and give him a huge hug and kiss. He loved it and although does think I am weird in my extreme reactions, he embraces the exuberant side.

I do not feel proud of myself when little things go wrong and do try to not react, but sadly, too often I can't help myself.

I am pretty much obsessed with colours and much to my husband's vast amusement, I have every colour known to man, for my dish cloths and I take good care of them. Well once, much to my horror, I saw my husband using one to clean his car windows and I had a melt down I started to cry and begged him to use something else, but he, naturally thought me barmy to say the least. He now teases me and asks which colour he can use and I gave him the worst colours and told him that he can keep them and we laugh, because I am aware how bizarre I am.

 

[SameStars]

Well, the little things hit me harder if I'm already a bit upset or overwhelmed. It's that last drop, and I usually shutdown or get really angry and end up crying. When I reflect about the situations later, it's a bit embarrassing how something like that would push me over the edge.

 

[dragonless]

Suzanne, you brought up a great point - one that i've had twirling around my head for the past week: the good side to our over-sensitivity or sudden emotional outbursts! i, too, am enthralled with colors (as a kid i used to paint watercolors). i can barely take a proper walk this spring due to having to stop and stare in open-mouthed pleasure at the blossoming trees and bright flowers. The people in their houses probably think they've got a nutcase wandering around their neighborhood i also get over-the-moon excited over thunder and lightning storms, colourful sunsets, trees swaying in the wind (think Nell), 'crow-dancing weather' - basically all things Nature. i used to sail with a friend and you could hardly keep me on the boat after sighting porpoises or Orcas, what with all my laughing, whooping and delighted jumping.

 

[JKG]

That's a great point. Almost everything human has positive and negative aspects to it--a sunny side and a shadow side. I think I've learned to mask my exuberance while at the same time trying to control my meltdowns. You all have started me rethinking the costs of doing the former.

 

[TragicKingdom]

Hi, I recently had to spend a week without my parents around, I stayed with my grandmother the first half, and at home with my little brothers the second half. On one of the days towards the end of the week, I had to call a cab to get to counseling, as my brother, who usually drives me, was at school. I had called several hours ahead of time and requested the cab for about a half hour before the appointment. The cab wasn't arriving at the designated time, so I called the company and they said they were just so busy they couldn't get a definitive time on when they could get someone out, especially since no one really goes to the area I live at.

After this call, I just got so frustrated! I just started crying an yelling that I just wanted to go to counseling, and then I got even more upset as time went on and the cab still wasn't there by my appointment time, and I just started crying even more about how poorly I was handling something simple like a late cab, and asking myself why I couldn't just be normal.

Luckily, a cab came and I made my appointment 45 minutes late but I got my full hour in, and the driver gave me his card so I could call him directly if I need a cab from my home again, which is nice. But the main point is, does anyone here get irrationally upset at seemingly minor things? I talked it over with my parents and they think maybe being alone at the time exacerbated my emotional state, as I have a fear of being alone.

Yes, there are times I become irrationally upset over things that may be considered inconsequential. Usually that concludes with a quick shift in my mood to being down and I may appear angry or very bothered. I do not have actual out-bursts over these things in say what some may consider a violent manner, but it is obvious I am upset.

 

[Judge]

Yep...my luggage was also lost once at a critical moment where my stress levels were going through the roof. Totally unrelated to losing my luggage.

Having to attend a training seminar for work clear across the country. Where if you fail, you're more or less expected to quit the job before being fired.

I didn't totally lose it because I knew it would have ruined me.

Luckily my luggage arrived a day later, and I passed the program with flying colors. How I survived was anyone's guess. Especially since the company made me go through this for years to come.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I think i get more upset at the little things than big things. I handle big things with an amazing level of calm. Small things upset me easily, though; an irritable customer at work, something schedule-wise not going right, etc.

 

[Maria Ventresca]

Suzanne, you brought up a great point - one that i've had twirling around my head for the past week: the good side to our over-sensitivity or sudden emotional outbursts! i, too, am enthralled with colors (as a kid i used to paint watercolors). i can barely take a proper walk this spring due to having to stop and stare in open-mouthed pleasure at the blossoming trees and bright flowers. The people in their houses probably think they've got a nutcase wandering around their neighborhood i also get over-the-moon excited over thunder and lightning storms, colourful sunsets, trees swaying in the wind (think Nell), 'crow-dancing weather' - basically all things Nature. i used to sail with a friend and you could hardly keep me on the boat after sighting porpoises or Orcas, what with all my laughing, whooping and delighted jumping.

Oh! That's a good point, I've never really thought about how overly happy I can get at seemingly minor things, I didn't realize it could be an autism thing. I'm like that with seeing the stars, heavy winds, or a balloon floating around in the sky, or free food. And rain, I'll admit that when home alone I've run out to the backyard when it started raining and spread my arms to let the rain hit me.

 

[wyverary]

I think Aspies by nature are sensitive to anything that disrupts their expected routine, and at times even the smallest things can set off an emotional meltdown. Take comfort in the fact that it is not a problem unique to y'all.

 

[LovelyFumblemouth]

I feel this too. I always get upset if things don't go as I planned, especially if I thought I had things under control beforehand.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I get upset at stuff like that too. I hate having to depend on other people to be on time for anything. And actually I think being 45 minutes late to an appointment is a pretty big deal.

 

[Progster]

Yes - people pushing in queues in front of me, my mum leaving the door open, fraction of a second power cuts which cause my computer to crash without warning, being told at the supermarket checkout that the vegetable which is marked as being as sold by the item and not its weight actually had to be weighed, choosing something on the menu or ordering my favourite dish and being told that they have run out of it, lots of thing like this which are trivial to other people but are a big deal to me and distress me.

 

[DonRojo]

Hi, I recently had to spend a week without my parents around, I stayed with my grandmother the first half, and at home with my little brothers the second half. On one of the days towards the end of the week, I had to call a cab to get to counseling, as my brother, who usually drives me, was at school. I had called several hours ahead of time and requested the cab for about a half hour before the appointment. The cab wasn't arriving at the designated time, so I called the company and they said they were just so busy they couldn't get a definitive time on when they could get someone out, especially since no one really goes to the area I live at.

After this call, I just got so frustrated! I just started crying an yelling that I just wanted to go to counseling, and then I got even more upset as time went on and the cab still wasn't there by my appointment time, and I just started crying even more about how poorly I was handling something simple like a late cab, and asking myself why I couldn't just be normal.

Luckily, a cab came and I made my appointment 45 minutes late but I got my full hour in, and the driver gave me his card so I could call him directly if I need a cab from my home again, which is nice. But the main point is, does anyone here get irrationally upset at seemingly minor things? I talked it over with my parents and they think maybe being alone at the time exacerbated my emotional state, as I have a fear of being alone.

I know that feeling. To be honest if that happens to me it is because I know how important that counseling is to me, and I feel nobody realizes. And well caps, and most businesses can't be there always on time. (story of life, nothing always goes perfect). But that is why as well try to usually show up a half hour early, so if something goes wrong...I got spare time. In fact this is a huge business loss for the cab company. Reliability is very highly valued in this world and most people or businesses just don't make it. (sadly but gladly at the same to, they are run by people as well). Being aware that it stresses you is I think a good thing. The part about not handling it well.....I discovered seems to be a bit of an autistic thing. I do have a theory of what might be the real reason. But it is not conclusive. But my theory is that emotionally you where already neck deep in water, but didn't show and bottled it in. So when the cap also let you down, you broke. A lot of people let of steam way earlier!

Trying to deal with it better? I would consider it might not actually be a bad thing. (Think the already neck deep in water). But there is always room to become even more better at it. But by looking at it as a positive thing you are trying to make even better, rather than a personality fault as other people like to make you think, I noticed I got a better confidence and handle on it. It is very rare for somebody to give you support at times like that. So I like to just give some to myself then then. How? You have to figure out that for your self. But you can try how it works for you if you show you worry and irritation earlier, even if not yet that worried yet. By showing the buildup over time, your environment might be more prepared and not burn you down in because of there surprise shock. And that last thing might be the key. If they don't burn you down on the critical moment....there is a chance that you would not have lost it all the way. I think you taking an half hour extra is already a very good start. An other idea but highly experimental might be to set your self challenges (to little time, to much uncertainty)....but they are not that important. So you are trying to create stress on purpose. This highly emotional draining. But you are now training your body the feeling of stress. And one day when it actually IS important you now have experience with it. However don't burden others during the training. Because for me, I realized the real secret of handling stress is the realization you should let go of the things that you can no longer control. Because trying to "carry" to much, is usual my reason for crashing in and burning. And if I am in a point where I don't want stress....I just plan to to have about 2x (or even more) the time for doing something than i really need. This allows me to not worry at all and breeze through things. And ironically, when you are breezing through things....sometimes they now go even faster .