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Embrace the autism

Voltaic

Voltaic

Plaidhiker@youtube
i am getting annoyed by emulating all the time in order to fit in, or be normal. I try my best, and do a reasonable job. Thing is, by fitting in, I feel like a zombie, it doesn't feel natural, it doesn't feel like it isn't me talking to others.

Nothing special about it either, I don't push my luck with talking about anything complicated, I just partake in the standard small talk. It is basically like following a script, say this when he says that, nod and agree, laugh here and there. It is exhausting and just plain boring.

I want to be more me, talk about stuff I want to talk about, be erratic, unpredictable, keeping others on their toes, be fun to be around.

I can do this, I have done this. Only though when I am comfertanle around people, and it is not that many.

I just want to be me again, any tips or advice, or just anything really
 
Occasionally I manage, but it's rare and tends to be more of a visual, not conversational way. My paintings, Sweet & Low drawings on the table, sketches of, well those sketches are not pg-13 so I'll just say they were funny. When I used FB I posted pictures of hand dryers, back yard snakes, root veggies. Anyhoo most of the time that's about it, not conversation or activities.
 
I think other people do that too. Me being one of them. So you are in great company here.
 
I enjoy talking with you, and your writing. As far as in person, I am clueless, I do a lot of what you described, because its essential not to let people into my little secret brain, especially living in a country that he little to no understanding of autism, so I do what I have to do to keep my job.
 
Perhaps look for more like minded people who are also on the autistic spectrum, being here is a good start, but I'm talking about in "real life" too. Sometimes there's are groups you can be part of, it can feel a little downgrading when many are run by charities, but they could still suit the purpose of meeting people that you can be yourself around, or even organise your own meetup group on somewhere like meetup.com if there's none already in your area (unfortunately it's not free to run a group there, but it's quite cheap with prices starting at $9.95 a month for up to 50 members with up to 4 organisers and $14.99 a month for unlimited).
 
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kay said:
Occasionally I manage, but it's rare and tends to be more of a visual, not conversational way. My paintings, Sweet & Low drawings on the table, sketches of, well those sketches are not pg-13 so I'll just say they were funny. When I used FB I posted pictures of hand dryers, back yard snakes, root veggies. Anyhoo most of the time that's about it, not conversation or activities.
Click to expand...
Can we see the Sweet and Low drawings onthe table? That reminds me of Buddhist monks who draw the most glorious things in sand and wipe it away so as not to be attached......!!
 
Voltaic said:
i am getting annoyed by emulating all the time in order to fit in, or be normal. I try my best, and do a reasonable job. Thing is, by fitting in, I feel like a zombie, it doesn't feel natural, it doesn't feel like it isn't me talking to others.

Nothing special about it either, I don't push my luck with talking about anything complicated, I just partake in the standard small talk. It is basically like following a script, say this when he says that, nod and agree, laugh here and there. It is exhausting and just plain boring.

I want to be more me, talk about stuff I want to talk about, be erratic, unpredictable, keeping others on their toes, be fun to be around.

I can do this, I have done this. Only though when I am comfertanle around people, and it is not that many.

I just want to be me again, any tips or advice, or just anything really
Click to expand...
This is sad because I think a lot of feel we have been duped and programmed. I also used to be more inward and "me;" but then "They" just kept pushing this dream. Reach out! Be friendly! You will be liked! There is someone for everyone! BE YOURSELF! Well, when I was myself no one liked me but me but at least I could stand myself!! Now, they twisted me up so bad that not only does no one like me but I can't stand myself. THANKS NTs!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
OkRad said:
Can we see the Sweet and Low drawings onthe table? That reminds me of Buddhist monks who draw the most glorious things in sand and wipe it away so as not to be attached......!!
Click to expand...
Sorry, they are all long wiped away. Though I might have a photo of one, if I can find it. Drawing on tables like that was something I did to survive going to the pub.
 
OkRad said:
This is sad because I think a lot of feel we have been duped and programmed. I also used to be more inward and "me;" but then "They" just kept pushing this dream. Reach out! Be friendly! You will be liked! There is someone for everyone! BE YOURSELF! Well, when I was myself no one liked me but me but at least I could stand myself!! Now, they twisted me up so bad that not only does no one like me but I can't stand myself. THANKS NTs!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Murphy :)

We like you. Join us, the ex head bangers
 
Oh dear. Headbangers' Ball.......Haha. Ex Headbangers........
Now we are all sane :) Remember these guys in tights?

 
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