Hey its been a super long times since I have been on this forum. To be honest, latley I am doubting I have autism at all even though i was diagnoised and I have had a couple people tell me they do think I have some mild form of it. My doubts that could disprove are:
I can do eye-contact. Somehow. I do recall for the longest time I couldnt for whatever reason, then i guess somehow I pushed myself or something to do so and I have been able to it seems.
I think i am good enough (?) with social ques. But I am unsure. I used to have a hard issue with them until enough people snapped at me over a lot of things and I think i have become over-sensitive to how I act. Then again, when in a social situation I tend to babble on if comfortable enough to the point I wont know if someone is annoyed until sometimes too late or if it is alreay heavily implied.
I love making friends
I am actually ok and talking to people (interview, meeting for house,ect) but that is largely by invisioning myself not so much as someone else, but mimicking someone else in a fake coinfidence I guess you could say. For example a interviwer asks me a question I ''take'' on the ''confidence'' that someone I knew would, had I not molded this I would be kinda stunned on what to do.
Things that support diagnosis?
I do seem to have limited and fixed interests. I have been heavily involved into politics (so much so I could name like all Presidents of American and Prime Ministers of Canada before I could tie my shoes, around age 13 to 15). I live for it, if I dont read something about it or even see an opinion poll I find I get a bit annoyed. I also have routines of some type that I follow each day or I get aggitated or what not.
I have a tendency to talk non-stop for hours about thinks most people dont care about without fully realizing they dont care. One of my friends who I saw pointed this out something.. I talked about the Alaskan Malamute dog non-stop when I thought they may have been intersted, over long periods of time and days when infact they were not at all. And similar things. So I guess more fixations
It has been discribed I have sensory issues, but these issues seem to be on my imideate body and if I see like too much leg hair I feel this sensory feeling hard core that produces extreme anxiety which had in the past lead to meltdowns that I had no idea would have predictablly happened.
Reviewing things I care less about idil chit chat and more about logical things that actually matter. I guess I could care less about what happened on survior when more pressing matters are out there that need to be discussed. To a large degree talking about TV shows or even video games I could care less about when I could be debating the Constituion, governmental affairs, religion, society ,ect. And often, I can go hours to a full day talking about those thing non-stop.However, I can only do something like that if it is something I genunily like, and by that I mean LIKE. Something I care less about kills my attentiion quickly. I mean no disrespect but I dont care about certian things and at time I can be overly blunt about it when I dont want to be rude. I am also good with my verbal speech if that means anything what so ever.
I have found I have gotten ''hooked'' on certian words and expressions from what I have heard and incorporated them into my daily way of talking. Some of these things I have heard years ago and one could still hear me saying then frequently.
In addition to love making friends I am super anxious about meeting new people at the same time.
In addition I moved recently and found that this new time zone change (just one hour) actually annoyed me greatly. If that even matter, and even though life should be better here it is still a bit hard.
However, I am also good with I guess disassociating (not sure if right word) hard feelings, as if I felt all those feelings I would have massive meltdowns probably.
I just dont know. Maybe I am on the ASD? or maybe I am just so different I am nothing at all to anyone but my own mess of oddness. I dont know. What do you say
