Does This Drive anyone else Mad!

[garnetflower13]

Being misunderstood. Being told that you "sound angry" when you are far from it, even if you are feeling happy or content. Being accused of sounding other ways, such as sarcastic, smarmy, or hostile. I get so tired of it, and it makes me feel like an alien in a strange land when it happens. and worse, it usually spoils a good mood because I end up getting upset because somebody thought I was in the first place. Does this happen to anyone else, and does it bother you as much as it does me?

 

[garnetflower13]

I guess it's just me, then.

 

[Nitro]

Being misunderstood. Being told that you "sound angry" when you are far from it, even if you are feeling happy or content. Being accused of sounding other ways, such as sarcastic, smarmy, or hostile. I get so tired of it, and it makes me feel like an alien in a strange land when it happens. and worse, it usually spoils a good mood because I end up getting upset because somebody thought I was in the first place. Does this happen to anyone else, and does it bother you as much as it does me?

No,you are not alone...I get told all the time that nobody cares about what I say and come across as nasty when I comment to others.
Their loss,not mine...they need to adjust to you or stay away from you...I bite my tongue a lot

 

[Atay]

Yeah, that happens to me. Super annoying...

 

[Tarragon]

Same here

 

[Raggerty]

Yes.
People feel threatened by me when i am simply trying to convey passion about something.
I get no response so i get worse.

 

[zurb]

And being told I'm frowning when all I'm doing is concentrating. Don't know if this is a family trait or an aspie thing.

 

[garnetflower13]

Yes.
People feel threatened by me when i am simply trying to convey passion about something.
I get no response so i get worse.

Yes, that too! Sometimes I am talking about one of my special interests, and have been told to "calm down," or, "My, you sound angry!"

 

[nowwhat]

I generate misunderstanding as a rain forest does oxygen. One thing I've realized about myself. I don't really care if people approve of me or not, but it's very important to me that they "get me" before they decide. Of course, virtually no one gets me right. I've mostly given up trying to relate to people and get them to understand where I'm at. Instead, I just go through the day glancing off people using a collection of useful "teflon pad" behaviors. I have found ways to get what I need during the day, while being of use to a few other people. Understanding? the rarest of things in my world. Too frustrating to chase, and doing so almost always leads to further compounded misunderstandings and consequences. I let people think what they want, and just try to manage few necessary, pragmatic exchanges each day. Isolation, anyone?

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I used to get really mad about being misunderstood.

It happened A LOT when I was in primary school, but I don't want to dwell on that.

 

[Raggerty]

Don't mention school lol.
Garnetflower,how about people who change the subject rather than just say "oh right" whilst talking about ones special interests?
It's like a slap in the face.

 

[Thea]

People always tell me to calm down. It's confusing because I'm not worked up.

 

[garnetflower13]

Don't mention school lol.
Garnetflower,how about people who change the subject rather than just say "oh right" whilst talking about ones special interests?
It's like a slap in the face.

Oh my god, I get really frustrated when that happens. But I realize now that most of the time just don't get me, or my special interests. It makes me feel lonely.

 

[GoofKing]

And being told I'm frowning when all I'm doing is concentrating. Don't know if this is a family trait or an aspie thing.

I think it's an Aspie thing because I'll have this look on my face like I'm about to cry or hold my head in my hands and people would ask me, what's wrong. In reality I'm sort of lost in my own world and I like laying my head down or in my hands for the same reasons why I like sitting in certain areas on the floor. It's a natural thing for me ....

People have gotten on my case about sitting in the middle of a walkway and etc

 

[KassieMac]

I'll be trying to have an interesting conversation about ideas & I'll make pondering observations about the world, when the person I'm speaking to suddenly becomes defensive & hostile (even though the topic had nothing to do with them). This has even happened a few times with my therapist, the one who loves to tell me to stop taking things personally.

I spent some time thinking about this, then I went back & explained the following observation: When people look at me, they see a mirror. They can't perceive what I'm actually saying or doing, all they can see is their projections of their own behavior onto me. People never react in accordance with what I say or do, and for a long time it seemed totally random … until I noticed that the person who gets defensive is the same one that regularly spews thinly veiled insults. The one who takes everything personally constantly tells me not to (when I'm not). And the more calm & rational I become, the more likely someone will start shrieking "CALM DOWN!!!"

The only conclusion I can come to is this: people will always see me as being just as cruel & deceitful as they are, and no behavior change on my part will make any difference.

I feel much better now that I've given up all hope. Back to Plan A.

 

[zurb]

I think for me, sometimes its because I tend to use a 'royal you'. I say 'you' when I mean 'I' or people in general. And then they think I'm talking about them. I'm trying to remember to say 'one' or something else similar.

I agree about the projection. And also NTs struggle to interpret aspie body language as it doesn't fit their expectations.

 

[KassieMac]

I think for me, sometimes its because I tend to use a 'royal you'. I say 'you' when I mean 'I' or people in general. And then they think I'm talking about them. I'm trying to remember to day 'one' or sometime else similar.

I agree about the projection. And also NTs struggle to interpret aspie body language as it doesn't fit their expectations.

Because this has happened consistently for as long as I can remember, I choose my words very carefully. I never say 'you' when I'm talking about others or myself, but making that adjustment did not have any effect -- it still happens just as often.

And people don't seem to struggle at all trying to interpret me … they never seem unsure or confused, and they NEVER ask for clarification … they just jump at the first incorrect assumption that comes to mind and believe in it wholeheartedly. Attempts to get them to see reality are met with hostility -- Every. Single. Time.

I give up.

 

[reveric15]

My wife often tells me how I feel; angry, upset, etc. when I'm not at all. I am accused of yelling sometimes as well when I am not. It doesn't make me upset anymore because we are working through the Aspie/NT communication differences, but it used to make us argue like crazy.

 

[Atay]

I think for me, sometimes its because I tend to use a 'royal you'. I say 'you' when I mean 'I' or people in general. And then they think I'm talking about them. I'm trying to remember to say 'one' or something else similar.

I have this problem very often. I have taken to literally saying "universal you" in my regular communications. People probably think it's a little odd, but it keeps down the chaos.

 

[bentHnau]

I think it's an Aspie thing because I'll have this look on my face like I'm about to cry or hold my head in my hands and people would ask me, what's wrong. In reality I'm sort of lost in my own world and I like laying my head down or in my hands for the same reasons

Same with me. I put my head down to think/block out distractions, sometimes just to feel the coolness of the desk or table on my forehead. I have to monitor my behavior or it will be mistaken for sadness or anger.

It gives me a feeling of being trapped, knowing that people are trying to read and interpret seemingly every little movement or facial expression, and will pretty much ALWAYS misinterpret them. It causes a bit of anxiety, having to be on alert all the time, wondering if what I feel like doing or accidentally just did is something that will be noticed and misread, then trying to figure how it might have been interpreted. I can't act naturally. It's one of the main reasons I don't care to be around people.

And the idea that people are automatically seeing my random body movements as some kind of communication — it's baffling and kind of angering. It still isn't natural to me to think of the body movements of someone across the room as communication. They have to be actively trying to engage me for me to see it as something involving me. As someone commented on another website, it's like everything has to be social with NTs, everything has to involve other people, so of course our every movement is a way to signal something to others. I want to scream at people, "what I'm doing with my body is not about you!"