Does she like me?

[Aspychata]

If you want a relationship with me, then you have to marry me? Is that the context she is saying that to you? Marriage is a big step, including legalities, so that's why l suggested living together first. Divorces can be very expensive.

 

[Captain Cooper]

If you want a relationship with me, then you have to marry me? Is that the context she is saying that to you? Marriage is a big step, including legalities, so that's why l suggested living together first. Divorces can be very expensive.

No, I don't believe that's what she was saying at all.

As far as I can see, I proposed to her in her dream.

I believe she's merely hinting that there could be romantic feelings there.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, like hinting at a long-term relationship?

 

[Captain Cooper]

Yes, like hinting at a long-term relationship?

Is she offering a romantic relationship?

I'm looking for opinions on that, I suppose.

 

[Captain Cooper]

I'm not going to provide any direct advice, because as far as I know AF doesn't encourage that.
Which means that in this domain (people, relationships) there are things I am confident of that I won't say directly.

If you want straight answers, start a "Conversation" with me.

It's OK. I've got it.

I'm sending you a message.

 

[tree]

People are constantly offering advice in threads.
It doesn't require a private conversation, unless
the people involved want to discuss a topic in
more detail that what they're comfortable doing
in public.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Both of the approaches she made to you indicate a romantic interest.

 

[Hypnalis]

People are constantly offering advice in threads.
It doesn't require a private conversation, unless
the people involved want to discuss a topic in
more detail that what they're comfortable doing
in public.

If I was in the Captain's shoes, I'd assume (given the age difference) the woman is interesting in a 90% "physical" relationship. Not from wishful thinking BTW - I only offer advice that's based on experience.

OFC in 2025 this isn't an unusual arrangement, and can't reasonably be classified as potentially upsetting for any forum participants. But I'm old school - in my day we took such things a bit more seriously.

I'll only discuss such topics in the main forums if it's required by forum policy.

 

[tree]

I'll only discuss such topics in the main forums if it's required by forum policy.

There's no obligation for any member to ever discuss anything.
It's not *required.*

It's a privilege some people enjoy, but participation is not *required.*

 

[Jumpinbare]

I have had dreams that were so much not like me IRL. Although if I shared a dream with someone, I would not allow any ambiguity in why I shared it.

 

[Aspychata]

You could just ask her that it was kind to share that dream with you, what actually is it's significance in her words?

 

[Captain Cooper]

If I was in the Captain's shoes, I'd assume (given the age difference) the woman is interesting in a 90% "physical" relationship. Not from wishful thinking BTW - I only offer advice that's based on experience.

OFC in 2025 this isn't an unusual arrangement, and can't reasonably be classified as potentially upsetting for any forum participants. But I'm old school - in my day we took such things a bit more seriously.

I'll only discuss such topics in the main forums if it's required by forum policy.

I want to emphasise, Hypnalis, that the idea that she would be mostly interested in me physically seems highly unlikely.

We've had a very close friendship for some years now.

If you saw me in person, you'd understand my scepticism.

If she's interested in me, I would bet that it's more emotional than physical.

 

[Aspychata]

Nothing wrong with that. Some of my best relationships have been emotional. They stood the test of time. Surprisingly, sex isn't everything, it's commitment, and being there for each other.

 

[Hypnalis]

I want to emphasise, Hypnalis, that the idea that she would be mostly interested in me physically seems highly unlikely.

We've had a very close friendship for some years now.

If you saw me in person, you'd understand my scepticism.

If she's interested in me, I would bet that it's more emotional than physical.

My assessment and input is necessarily limited by the information you provide.

FWIW it's quite unusual to get the full picture when someone asks a question here.. Or anywhere else for that matter - it seems to be a general human weakness. So I'm not criticizing - but it's true that better and more complete information will facilitate better guidance.

The extra information is interesting though.

1. There's no need for a complicated opening (the dream sequence and follow-up confirmation) for an emotional relationship. Occam's Razor suggests there's more to it.
2. Physical relationships do require some set-up. In general, that has to be considered if there's been a complicated opening.
3. A "5% options" can follow a complicated opening, but not in all cases (I won't expand on that here - use the convo if you want details)
4. Leading with marriage (which is a legal contract, not a relationship negotiation) is very unusual.
And it has a potential "downside risk". If it's a real goal on her part, you must understand the implications.
Never sign a contract you don't understand.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

My assessment and input is necessarily limited by the information you provide.

FWIW it's quite unusual to get the full picture when someone asks a question here.. Or anywhere else for that matter - it seems to be a general human weakness. So I'm not criticizing - but it's true that better and more complete information will facilitate better guidance.

The extra information is interesting though.

1. There's no need for a complicated opening (the dream sequence and follow-up confirmation) for an emotional relationship. Occam's Razor suggests there's more to it.
2. Physical relationships do require some set-up. In general, that has to be considered if there's been a complicated opening.
3. A "5% options" can follow a complicated opening, but not in all cases (I won't expand on that here - use the convo if you want details)
4. Leading with marriage (which is a legal contract, not a relationship negotiation) is very unusual.
And it has a potential "downside risk". If it's a real goal on her part, you must understand the implications.
Never sign a contract you don't understand.

You're forgetting that NTs do a lot of flirting with words. Being the recipient of a lot of flirting and approaches and flirting back, the dream with marriage is not a proposal. It's just an opening. NT's tease in these ridiculous ways.

Normally one would come back with something snappy-ish, perhaps, That's an interesting dream. How did we get there. Or how about we take the first steps and see how it goes.

You don't have to jump right into the offer for coffee. You say, maybe lets have coffee sometime. These leaves both people an out if need be, because either can "forget" to schedule it.

Older women are, in general, less interested in sex than in an emotionally satisfying connection.

In the absence of other data points, she is practically screaming that she is interested and may be confused when it is not reciprocated.

 

[Hypnalis]

@WhitewaterWoman

Of course she's interested in something. OP needs to figure out what.

But :
OP asked his question because he didn't have a suitable answer to the "marriage dream" opening.
If he engages now, he has to take the initiative, which will require some prep.

If the lady wants a platonic relationship, there was no need for a complicated opening. That might still be the goal, but it's a crooked path for a simple objective.

So what's left?

There's one good option that nobody thinks is likely; one bad option that can't be discussed here; and a strange one: marriage.

OP should set up an informal meeting where he can ask some questions. Of those, the easiest is to ask about the marriage dream. From there, it should be easy to bridge to an open question.

Why not just ignore the possibility with the "long-tail risk"?
That's the mindset that triggered the 2007/2008 Global Financial Crisis

 

[Judge]

I'm sure she was merely hinting that there could be some feelings for me.

There ya go.

Let's just say that there's enough for you to respond. But yes, you have to respond. Silence on your part will likely end any possibilities if they do exist. "The ball is now in your corner".

 

[Captain Cooper]

You're forgetting that NTs do a lot of flirting with words. Being the recipient of a lot of flirting and approaches and flirting back, the dream with marriage is not a proposal. It's just an opening. NT's tease in these ridiculous ways.

Normally one would come back with something snappy-ish, perhaps, That's an interesting dream. How did we get there. Or how about we take the first steps and see how it goes.

You don't have to jump right into the offer for coffee. You say, maybe lets have coffee sometime. These leaves both people an out if need be, because either can "forget" to schedule it.

Older women are, in general, less interested in sex than in an emotionally satisfying connection.

In the absence of other data points, she is practically screaming that she is interested and may be confused when it is not reciprocated.

We already have a very strong emotional connection (as friends).

Maybe it was naive of me not to realise that she could catch feelings?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

We already have a very strong emotional connection (as friends).

Maybe it was naive of me not to realise that she could catch feelings?

In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you're naive or just blind to NT come-ons, or what.

She was signalling you that she wants to take the relationship to the next stage. She has signaled this twice. If you are interested in taking it further, you will need to follow up with some indication of your interest. It can be as simple as let's get coffee after work, or a drink if you both drink, or do you want to hang out on Saturday, maybe go for a walk in the park, or whatever.

There's a million things to discuss before marriage, but you don't have to discuss them all this minute. Just get to know each other better, seeing each other outside of work.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

@WhitewaterWoman

Of course she's interested in something. OP needs to figure out what.

But :
OP asked his question because he didn't have a suitable answer to the "marriage dream" opening.
If he engages now, he has to take the initiative, which will require some prep.

He asked for opinions about her comment and what it might or might not mean.

If the lady wants a platonic relationship, there was no need for a complicated opening. That might still be the goal, but it's a crooked path for a simple objective.

NTs take crooked paths for so many things. They don't say what they mean. There are codes we don't understand.

So what's left?

There's one good option that nobody thinks is likely; one bad option that can't be discussed here; and a strange one: marriage.

OP should set up an informal meeting where he can ask some questions. Of those, the easiest is to ask about the marriage dream. From there, it should be easy to bridge to an open question.

Set up a meeting? Are you kidding? That is the most autistic thing to do. Ask her out for coffee or a beer or a walk. But don't set up a meeting.

Why not just ignore the possibility with the "long-tail risk"?
That's the mindset that triggered the 2007/2008 Global Financial Crisis

Relationships are not finances. Apples to oranges. There is nothing wrong with him or her wanting to get to know each other better and possibly move forward to marriage or some other arrangement.