Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by others?

[Arashi222]

I am wondering if other people also struggle with being influenced by others. Is it trying to fit in? Is it easier to abdicate our decision to someone else? Do you get upset when you realize that someone has been influencing you in some area of your life (ie: work related decisions, doll choices, books to read etc...).

For example: After this terrible friendship ended with the person who actually got me into BJD's (ball jointed dolls). I found that one of my characters had been completely changed by her. That she had completely influenced:unsure: without me realizing it into someone I didn't like or know. So I find myself very upset, angry that I allowed someone else to make decisions, push me into making decisions about things that I really didn't want to. I am not struggling to get this character back into what she was originally.

Thoughts anyone?

 

[Cerulean]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

Yes I do, most recently and most noticeably after I got married and everyone started asking about kids. They got me all psyched up for it and then I took a step back and reevaluated, and I'm really not sure if I want to go that route or not. I mean there are a lot of things a girl can do with her life! I'm glad I realized that before I had one!!

For me I think it's mostly a desire to fit in and be well-liked, and people like others to do what's expected of them. I've been trying for so long to fit in the NT world that I forget sometimes that I have my own goals and dreams and they're not necessarily "buy house, have 2.4 kids, buy dog, stay at home, rely financially on husband" like it seems everybody else around me wants.

 

[Arashi222]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

I completely agree Cerulean. I am just wondering how many of us you know feel like not even just NT's but you feel like people are pushing and shoving you into a mold that doesn't quite fit you. I know my example of stupid but I agree. I feel like people want me to get a job in my field, to be independent, to understand money, and these are things that I often feel like I just either don't know how or won't be able to right now or maybe never like the kids things you brought up. I also agree with the sentiment that its wanting to fit in so badly that we put what we want on the back burner or forget or feel so pressured that you let someone else take over a decision that really isn't theirs.

 

[ravendragonwing]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

Oh yes, I have left many a great guy because people who I thought were my friends did not approve. I have also done many a stupid thing because of these so called friends. Still do, it sucks....

 

[Arashi222]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

Oh yes, I have left many a great guy because people who I thought were my friends did not approve. I have also done many a stupid thing because of these so called friends. Still do, it sucks....

So I am not alone in that people try to influence you and then it works because you think as an Aspie well I don't know any better they must have my best interest at heart and then you find out that they were just having their own interests at heart. I mean in my case with my silly example. I now always compare my dolls to hers. Even though she is no longer my friend. They always told me my dolls were less important than theirs in so many ways even though some of them are the same sculpts. In the case of the doll I am just buying her character changed from what she used to be and it was fine a little bit of change was good as it needed to happen but I was influenced to completely change her entire being and while most people would think this is silly to be upset over. Its not. I think we get influenced way too much without us meaning to only to get upset later when we find out.

 

[balder]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

I don't get "upset", though I may regret that later. But I don't know, I assume that if I did something, it's because at that time I wanted to do. Maybe I think this way because I hardly do anything because of someone else...

 

[Dara]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

Oh yes, it happens to me too.

I tend to put other people's needs ahead of mine end up giving them too much space in my life until I realize that I'm not fully myself anymore.
It's been a long time since I let others influence me into doing something I disliked, but I often notice that I let them divert my attention and 'energies' towards things/activities that I wouldn't choose spontaneously.


I found myself doing this again lately, meeting a friend's friends: I really wanted to get along with them, be sociable and try to feel part of a group, so I adapted my personality to them (even if it wasn't even necessary...).
Sometimes I feel inexperienced, or naive and feel pressured to follow the guidance of who seems 'wiser' in that given area, even if I know it's not what I want for myself.

The problem is that after a while I become very uncomfortable around those people, I feel the need to avoid them, and didn't understand why. Now I know: because I have to put up an act and it's very tiring!

 

[purplewho]

Re: Does anyone else feel like its hard not to have Decisions being influenced by oth

I do get influenced by people very easily. It can be as simple as what clothes I will wear, I kind of choose a blueprint of someone and follow it. It helps with trying to work out what is socially acceptable. As much as I like different clothes I am never sure what message I am sending with them so to choose someone to mimic - or be influenced by - is a safer bet. This follows for things like hobbies because I have no strong feelings/ideas about what I want to do with someone ese (er, nothing?!) so I go along with whatever they want, usually shopping. Then they are all over me with their opinions and judgement values and I can't choose things independently if I am also concentrating on having a conversation so again, I am influenced to buy things I wouldn't get in a million years if I went on my own.