Do you have trouble asking for help?

[shinyedge]

I will do anything I can to avoid it. Sometimes I don't know how to ask or what to ask for, especially when it comes to help finding a job. Other times it is plain and simple stubbornness. Here are a few humorous examples:

1) Last November my water heater developed a leak. I had replaced my water heater once before and was confident I could do it again. Getting the new one home was another matter. I do know a few people with trucks who probably would have been happy to help, but I didn't want to bother them. My plan was to rent a truck from Home Depot, but all of their trucks were out, and I didn't want to delay my project waiting for one to return. I thought about going to U-Haul to rent one, but then it occurred to me that it would take about the same amount of time to walk to Home Depot (about 1/2 mile) with my piano dolly and roll the water heater home. It really wasn't very hard, but I got some funny looks, and a couple of offers to help, which I declined.

2) Last fall when I took my window air conditioners in for the winter, I was having trouble with the window sticking. I just couldn't move it with one hand while I held the air conditioner with the other, so I decided to nudge the window up a little with both hands. Of course it moved too far, and the air conditioner fell from the second floor to the concrete driveway. It was damaged beyond repair.

3) A few years ago I tried to paint my house. (That in itself proved to be too hard to do myself; I spent the whole summer scraping and painting one side. The next year I gave in and hired someone to paint the rest.) Reaching the top of my house takes a 40-foot ladder. Putting the ladder up and taking it down is really a two-person job, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask anyone to help. Aside from being just plain heavy, the problem with a 40-footer is that, unlike shorter ladders, it gets top-heavy. There is a point where there is more ladder above your hands than below them. Like a see-saw, the top comes down and the bottom goes up, unless you have someone or something to hold the bottom down. So, one day I was trying to take the ladder down and I lost control. I was able to slow its fall by pushing it against the side of the house, but it continued to slide down, shearing off the water spigot as it fell. I had to spend the rest of the evening replacing the spigot and the pipe leading to it.

 

[Arashi222]

I have less of a hard time asking for help now than I did when I was a kid. I would often have trouble being willing to ask for help. I always felt I didn't really need the help even though it was often obvious that I needed it.

Now I just call for help whenever I need it at work. I don't even try to do things without help unless I am for sure about it. I tend to be that way. I am too skiddish about not knowing how to do something. I lack confidence is what my supervisor says often.

 

[TheNumberOneGooden]

If I feel like I'm at an absolute loss, then I ask for help. If it comes to something I absolutely have never done or if I'm weary that it should be done a particular way (working a job, for instance--different individuals want the job they want done different ways sometimes). Usually I look things up, and if I know some of the key concepts then I can put things together. I have a terrible time reading instructions, though, unless they're exact--painstakingly exact. I like to ask people who have done the things I want to know, because I've noticed that sometimes instructions might leave out information that someone who is a bit more professional could add. Learning from where someone else has had to improvise I think is important. It teaches me to learn to put together concepts in a new way instead of thinking that things work in a straight forward "one way only" process, which I mostly like for things like math or mechanics. When it comes to working with people--no level of asking for help will ever work. It runs off my mind like water off a duck's back. I can tell myself "so and so did it this way" and I try to do it exactly like they did, and it doesn't work because you can't plug in a behavior into a situation like you can a number or process into a certain function. When it comes to working with people or certain circumstances--anything like that--I just do what I can and try to blow it off if it goes wrong. I tell myself that's life, and nothing anyone ever tells me about people or circumstances will ever be concrete or work for me like it did them. I've been told I'm stubborn, because if I find a way I like and I know, I stick with it until something very convincing makes me want to do it another way--then I do it that way.

 

[Bay]

When I need physical help, such as lifting something too heavy, I don't have trouble asking for help. But when it comes to things I don't know how to do, such as using power tools, I just teach myself. I now know how to use a chainsaw, for instance. When it comes to less tangible things, like being overwhelmed or solving a personal problems, I am terrible for asking for help. I can hardly even talk about such things. For instance, after nearly 20 years of an unhappy marriage, my entire family was shocked that I asked for a divorce. No one knew that anything was wrong.

 

[epath13]

When I need physical help, such as lifting something too heavy, I don't have trouble asking for help. But when it comes to things I don't know how to do, such as using power tools, I just teach myself. I now know how to use a chainsaw, for instance. When it comes to less tangible things, like being overwhelmed or solving a personal problems, I am terrible for asking for help. I can hardly even talk about such things. For instance, after nearly 20 years of an unhappy marriage, my entire family was shocked that I asked for a divorce. No one knew that anything was wrong.

I don't want to interfere in anybody's business, but I'll ask anyway, if you don't want to answer - don't were you married to a man? (I thought you were gay... I might have mistaken you with someone else though... sorry if I have )

and as for the thread subject - it's simple - NO, I do it all the time that's one thing that I've learned pretty well how to do

 

[Bay]

My partner is a woman. But yes, I have been married twice, actually, both times to men. Perhaps I am bi? I don't know and it doesn't seem important. Neither divorce had anything to do with a woman (or anyone else for that matter). If anyone has further questions I will be happy to answer them via PM.

 

[Cosmic Light]

For me it really seems to depend both on the day and the situation. If I need help with anything emotion or life related i just have trouble figuring out the right way to ask and who to ask, so I might not bother. I'm decent at networking though so I can and do easily find a needed service or such thing for someone body if needed. As for other things I need for myself, well it really does vary. Several times I've bought items of furniture and simply called on friends who have pick up trucks to move the thing for me. Reaching things on top shelves int he grocery store, well if I can;t reach i just can't reach. I'll call on a tall staff member or sometimes a nearby taller shopper to grab it for me.

At work though I will admit to being somewhat competitive of a person. I tend to feel that anything anyone else can do I should be just as capable of. Several times the till has backed up a bit and still I will try to get the line up thinned out and the customers out and happy, while dealing with a problem debit machine, and a complaint all by myself. Several times coworkers have told me i should have called them to help me bag things or something, and of course if one comes and gives me a hand I'm grateful for the help, but I don't think I should need to ask them.