Do you feel safe outside?

[Sparticus]

It's difficult for me to accept that I'm not as outgoing as I'd like. That includes going out. There are lots of times I don't go out for varied reasons including social anxiety. Both my brother and father were mechanics [I always felt it was a lack of a career direction or a good job on my part that contributed to my social isolation.] I thought maybe that was my problem-that unlike them I always felt I couldn't fit into a box. So I'd want to be like them [more macho, less sensitive] but I couldn't. For many many years I never knew what was wrong with me.

I was always having problems, struggles & obstacles to overcome. My father suffered with social anxiety. For awhile I mirrored my father's positive facial tics/mannerisms [he wasn't always in our life so I missed him.] Plus I spent many years trying to mirror "normal" people & reading self help books. After my favorite brother died, I adopted his humor [corny but outgoing.] That's the 2nd time I started coming out of my shell. I figured life is short, why should I spend the rest of my life being shy/having social anxiety/acting less than macho etc.

But it's all a facade. I can only temporary [if/when I can raise my self-esteem] mirror "normal" people. Some people immediately pick me out as being different. That's very painful for me & it seems that it's always a thick skinned person who immediately picks up I'm different. It's as if they unmasked me...I am left with nothing to hide under.

For many years I was terrified [still am] to show who I was to people outside my very close inner circle [when my family was alive or the few people that accepted me.] I'm terrified quite a lot difficult for me to admit this.

But I?ve been kidding myself. Sometimes the social anxiety is very bad. I can?t permanently change myself. Even when my self esteem is raised and I?m outside, I can still run into social difficulties. I?ve been a loner for so long I thought it was normal. Thus I?ve concluded it?s safer indoors.

 

[Ste11aeres]

But it's all a facade. I can only temporary [if/when I can raise my self-esteem] mirror "normal" people. Some people immediately pick me out as being different. That's very painful for me & it seems that it's always a thick skinned person who immediately picks up I'm different. It's as if they unmasked me...I am left with nothing to hide under.

For many years I was terrified [still am] to show who I was to people outside my very close inner circle [when my family was alive or the few people that accepted me.] I'm terrified quite a lot difficult for me to admit this.

I know what you mean. I can identify with a lot of what you say, though my own path was slightly different. Growing up, I was in a sub-culture (a particular Traditional Catholic-Homeschooled subculture) where a certain type of differentness was accepted, was almost normal. I didn't realize I was different, though in hindsight, it's obvious that I was.
It was in my twenties that things changed.
Eventually I became, and am, pretty antisocial. I gave up on the whole social thing, since it wasn't working. Now I dislike it when people are friendly. I don't dislike the person, I just don't want to talk to them.
However, I really like babies and small children. Probably because they will never judge you. Babies and small children are ready to love you, you don't have to do anything special. They just need you to be there for them.
And I am happy when talking to my friend, the one person (adult person) who I can show my self to.
(I wish I could put his name here; it's really cool, but I can't run the risk of someone who knows us reading this)

 

[Sparticus]

Interesting. Subculture-so maybe you were protected in a way and or unaware of the outside-how cruel people can be. That reminds me-my childhood-we were always outside and playing sports/games. I was shy and able to blend in + I had 2 older brothers and that helped a lot. Then as I got older I too got more antisocial.

I was oblivious to the social thing-acquaintances disappearing and or me letting them go. By the time I noticed, it was too late. I’ve tried, volunteered and met people but nothing stuck. I’ve given up too. Sometimes I can’t or don’t look in people’s eyes. Even people in the area that walk by me. It’s strange cause I’ve dedicated so much time learning to look into people’s eyes. Other times I can look in their eyes.

I can go out and blend in for a bit...but it feels strange to be with NTs. Sometimes I can appear Alpha via mimicking body language + I’m still athletic. But I have so many feelings I have to be careful not to blurt out things. Or show that I’m happy to see someone and they give me that look “what’s wrong with this person?”

I love animals and nature. I have a friend and she’s great. But there are many things I can’t talk to her about. Like autism.

I know what you mean. I can identify with a lot of what you say, though my own path was slightly different. Growing up, I was in a sub-culture (a particular Traditional Catholic-Homeschooled subculture) where a certain type of differentness was accepted, was almost normal. I didn't realize I was different, though in hindsight, it's obvious that I was.
It was in my twenties that things changed.
Eventually I became, and am, pretty antisocial. I gave up on the whole social thing, since it wasn't working. Now I dislike it when people are friendly. I don't dislike the person, I just don't want to talk to them.
However, I really like babies and small children. Probably because they will never judge you. Babies and small children are ready to love you, you don't have to do anything special. They just need you to be there for them.
And I am happy when talking to my friend, the one person (adult person) who I can show my self to.
(I wish I could put his name here; it's really cool, but I can't run the risk of someone who knows us reading this)

 

[Dusty285]

I have always called my fear of people and of being outside alone "My paranoia." As always, I and all of us are not really unique.

I deal with my reluctance to go out and do. When I was working and had a family I just 'did' it all. I attached myself to the Vietnam War mantra: "Yea though I walk through the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death I shall fear no Evil 'Cause I AM the meanest dude in the Valley." It does/did help that I was in fact there and in what passes for religion for me I can say that my Angels kept me alive at least three times when the Demons had me in their grasp.

I have no skills at all so far as being able to fight or defend myself but am good at avoiding 'situations' or just letting the attacking persons run out of steam without provoking them to the physical assault they are trying to make develop. A NT might not be able to do that; it may be an advantage to the different way of thinking of being a High Functioning Autistic (moving away from Asperger's with the DSM-5?). Physical confrontational situations are fortunately very few and very far between. And I learn from them and work to change my behavior to avoid repetitions. Mostly, I have no idea why these situations occurred at all, but avoidance can still be improved.

For: Neat Hedgehog---
That knife may make you feel better but it may be a very bad idea. Knives are regarded in many places as deadly weapons just like guns and you can get in more trouble than you can imagine quicker than you can imagine. Check out your local Knife Laws.

I made a road trip (in a car) to the East coast of the US last summer, checked online to find the knife laws for each State I intended to pass through. With the extremist attitudes toward knives of any kind in most places, I removed all things from my person and car that I could find that had any kind of point or edge. Even cooking knives because some States specifically mention "kitchen knives" of any kind as being obvious weapons and prove the evil intent of the person having them even in his vehicle. I have severe dietary problems and fed myself from canned foods and the few other (refrigeration required) things in an ice chest; I took and used some small ('individual') throwaway plastic utensils including the tiny 'knives' although with some trepidation. There's that Paranoia again. FWIW, it really is fascinating how well it is possible to dine for an extended period on cold foods with almost no use of ordinary prep utensils. On that trip, ten days. Also, on that trip, I drove and explored in the daytime; settled into a motel about dark; was ready to roll again after 9 AM each day. I am naturally a night person. Most of my working years were on evening or all-night shifts. On a trip like the one described here, I consider that the drunk drivers and the crazies are more likely to be out in the later night and it is best to be bedded down somewhere with some probability of safety. Police are more likely to be looking for their own kind of action at night and might be more likely to mess with a car with plates from far away. A man alone is also more suspect than a couple, especially at night. At least that is what my Paranoia thinks. Of course, I was being a tourist. Daytime is only a matter of being practical. Can't see much in the dark/night and any places to visit are closed.

At present I can do fine without leaving the house except for things like groceries and the part-time work I do. The longer I stay at home and inside, the more difficult it is to go outside. One of the reasons to take a trip occasionally is to counter my increasing phobias of being out and about.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

For: Neat Hedgehog---
That knife may make you feel better but it may be a very bad idea. Knives are regarded in many places as deadly weapons just like guns and you can get in more trouble than you can imagine quicker than you can imagine. Check out your local Knife Laws.

Oh, I've known my local knife laws for years, and how much trouble you'll get into for carrying a knife the size of your forearm. I just don't care. I'd rather be in trouble than be dead or mugged because I left myself open.

 

[tree]

I want to walk for exercise and because when I walk, I can think (ideas arise easier when I am moving), but I am afraid to walk on our road because people let their dogs run loose.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

That's kinda funny you mentioned bear mace. I actually suggested that the other night while I was talking to her (Tree is my mother, btw), and it got me wondering about a few things. She's really allergic to peppers (all plants in the Nightshade family, really), but I wonder if a refined capsaicin spray would provoke an allergic reaction, since it's not the capsaicin that she's allergic to.

I go with her when I can. I don't let dogs bother me, despite looking like a stick of jerky lol.

 

[Nolan1971]

Yes! I have rarely lived in or travel through places that feel unsafe.

 

[The Penguin]

I do. Never had any issues. It not common some wants to mesa with a big 6 ft 3 inches guy like me. I don't go out much and stay out of trouble areas. Besides necessities of life, the only other reason to be out doors for my camping and hiking trips.

 

[Harrison]

The only time I might not feel safe outside is in big crowds, so I avoid them. Like Penguin I go off in the countryside whenever I can and happily camp alone.

 

[karla]

No. I tend to feel unsafe when I´m out. I don´t go out much. When for a reason I have to go out at night alone I get very anxious. I worry about bad things happening and I feel so safe and great at home that I´m there almost all the time.

 

[Simples]

do you feel safe if you go out (and I'm not talking to a club, but just in general, going out the door to wherever)? If not, why not? How do you manage with that?

I guess locally, like a 5 minute trip to the shop around the corner, its not too bad. I know the area like the back of my hand, its generally quiet most of the time. You have your routines, like knowing the best time to do a little shopping without worrying about being held up by queues etc

But other stuff like going a couple miles into town to sort bills or other stuff its very different

Its a pretty bad area, crime is high and even in the town center people have been stabbed, mugged or in the worst cases murdered
There are issues with severe anxiety and sensory sensitivity (especially with sound)
I also have some mental scarring from a violent incident some time back and if I'm completely honest I don't think I've actually been back to the place it occured since

Hard to describe how one can cope, its just plain uncomfortable and awkward, it feels like theres a hightened sense of alertness but your fighting yourself not to get overloaded by all the noise/visual stimula around you
I come home exhausted and despite my habit of becoming very easily bored, will just sit in a chair and do nothing for half an hour... maybe this is the minds way of processing/catching up with everything

I know in the long run being this stressed out/tired all the time isn't healthy but I have little choice, I can't simply not go out.

 

[Vanilla]

I generally feel safe (though I try not to walk around late at night alone). There are two reasons for feeling safe; firstly, because I live in a city, which is quite friendly, and for the most part safe (much like the vibe on this forum), and because of a certain factor, which apparently can be quite typical for some Aspies. I trust everyone, and feel a false sense of security; that everyone lives by the honour system. I know that that's not true, and that there are some places in the world where acting that way could probably get you in a lot of trouble, but so far, it seems to be ok here.

There are a few incidents where I probably should have been more careful in the past (mostly involving men, and due to the fact that I never sensed any potential danger), but I do know better now that I'm older. Even so, those situations were not related to being outside, so I feel fairly safe walking down the street. Despite the consistently safe environment that I live in though, I am more wary as an adult, but just as a precaution.

 

[StephF]

Generally no but if someone tries to become the hard man I can change to almost a different person.
That person is not a nice person and is likely to hurt people. I try my best to avoid conflict because I don't letting the "bad" me out.
This has led me into trouble with the cops before so I do try to keep a lid on things. I don't like being a bully.

 

[Turk]

I feel safe outside. I mean I'm out in it everyday, so I'm used to it. However crowds are a different story. The noise, the smells, the contact, are just too much

 

[apsie]

Not really.
But that doesn't stop me, I take pride in this.
There are days I'm afraid to even open my front door but they're rare.
I can't completely "not be afraid" all the time but I think its important not to let fear dictate your every move, cliché I know but a good one.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Let me tell you about what we have going on in the ole condoplex. They should write a soap opera about this place. There's this guy that the pres of the HOA "Sarah" (I could think of a few other names for her) says has been living here like 15 yrs. Anyway, he's a neighbor of hers and she can't make ANY of her neighbors mad at her. This guy is considered mentally challenged, but he's married, has a job, and drives a car, etc. Sarah says there are times when he has to "get away from his wife" so do you know what he does in order to have a few minutes of "alone" time? Get this - HE CLIMBS OUR TREES AT NIGHT WITH FAKE GUNS. All I could say to that when Mary told me is WTF?! The thing is Sarah thinks this is OK even though a condo owner said his wife saw him in the tree right outside their window at around 11 pm. This condo owner called the police the next day saying it was a neighbor and he was mentally challenged and the police said it was a HOA problem. Sarah has Mary brainwashed into thinking this kind of behavior is OK and should be allowed to continue since the guy is mentally challenged and she doesn't think that he is out to hurt anyone. I'll tell you this - if I catch ANYONE out in my tree behind my condo at night I'm going to scream like a girl and shoot a bullet in their butt! THE GUY IS ALSO CARRYING AROUND FAKE PISTOLS!!! If the police showed up they would shoot him on sight! I told Mary they shouldn't let this continue because he could get seriously hurt not to mention that he's being a "peeping Tom" climbing in trees at night and looking in people's windows. And another weird thing is when he does this he wears a black shirt and camouflaged pants! Again, WTF?! he doesn't sound too mentally challenged to me.

 

[icesyckel]

Yes, unless I am in a dangerous place.

 

[Zjezdzaj]

When I go out at night I carry a knife, not because it's dangerous around here, it's not, I live in a small quaint little mountain town the most dangerous things around here are teenagers with drivers licenses, summer visitors who don't know what they're doing (It's a mountain not an amusement park!), inconveniently placed trees and deer (don't underestimate deer, those things are sharp!)
But I don't feel entirely safe without the knife. It's a just-in-case thing.

Going out during the day doesn't feel safe either but I don't bring the knife then. Going out means meeting and having to interact with people which always brings a great deal of anxiety...

 

[icesyckel]

When I go out at night I carry a knife, not because it's dangerous around here, it's not, I live in a small quaint little mountain town the most dangerous things around here are teenagers with drivers licenses, summer visitors who don't know what they're doing (It's a mountain not an amusement park!), inconveniently placed trees and deer (don't underestimate deer, those things are sharp!)
But I don't feel entirely safe without the knife. It's a just-in-case thing.

Going out during the day doesn't feel safe either but I don't bring the knife then. Going out means meeting and having to interact with people which always brings a great deal of anxiety...

I think having a means of self-defense is always wise. I don't want to get into the politics of what methods and tools are appropriate (you'll find I am very accepting of most in a true self-defense scenario), but I don't think you're being anything but prudent in all respects.