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Do You Feel "Normal" In Certain Environments

C

CJO1991

Active Member
Do you guys feel "normal" in certain environments? At two of my old employers, when I started, I had the typical trouble of socializing, but once I was able to form friendships with the people there, I felt like a regular person. Whenever I go there now (or hang out with a former co-worker), I feel normal and don't have the typical social issues I have.

Now at another former employer where I wasn't able to make friendships, whenever I stop in, I feel like I usually do (nervous, shy, etc.)

Do you guys have a certain place where you can socialize normally with people?
 
The very few rare times I've been around people that completely accepted and valued me as is, I have been very comfortable.
 
Not really. Some people might make me feel more at ease than others...but I can't honestly say I can totally lose that feeling of alienation other than being with one person under somewhat intimate circumstances.

While I push myself to go to social club meeting once a month, I still find myself sometimes having hardly said a word to much of anyone. Maybe if someone or a group of people truly accepted me for who I am I might also feel a level of comfort I don't normally encounter.
 
I guess I feel more at ease at raves and such.

Perhaps it's the fact that people are drugged up and drunk and I don't have to feel weird for not understanding them since people under influence have some really odd body language at times. It's also a lot more informal and starting a talk with someone for just about any reason seems a lot easier nor is there this strict protocol... if I don't want to talk to anyone anymore I can easily sneak your way out and get on partying... or just chat with someone else. I think the emphasis of having a good time outweighs the entire "you're among people" notion.

I guess a partying environment such as a loud rave isn't an environment you would want to be in 24/7, let alone be around intoxicated people on a constant basis.. but it does get the edge off quite a bit.

On the other hand, being at such events, if you're intoxicated yourself you're probably just "doing what everyone else is doing"... that also makes it easier to blend in, especially if that form in blending in is somewhat fun. Plenty of social environments that just don't look fun to me, regardless of my mental state.
 
I'm similar to King in this regard, I think. When I'm at a show, or a festival, I feel a certain sense of comfort that I rarely get in other environments. Perhaps it's because I'm doing what everyone else is doing (dancing, drinking, judging the hipsters, etc.); It's one of those rare times when I feel I'm sharing some sort of collective experience, though I suppose it depends on how engaging the performance might be.

I also feel pretty normal and comfortable around some of my friends, who may not be on the spectrum but are eccentric and quirky and kind of "outcasts" themselves.
 
Yes, in a heavily populated event where the attention is focused elsewhere for most everyone, that is a more conducive environment for myself. I get that. Unless it's Christmas shopping at a mall...that nearly got to me last year. I almost panicked over it...but in the context of this thread I consider it something somewhat different.
 
Yeah, an environment that's deserted, except for me. And I'm doing something interesting and difficult. That's pretty much my only normal.
 
Working out is the only place I feel somewhat normal around strangers. Its just a matter of focus as others have said. If I am preoccupied then I am not truly interacting. I always thought it took people a while to get use to my humor, but I suppose it was them just getting use to my crazy manurism. I do feel synced at times with people, that's about the time I open up long winded monologues, I wonder how many people I have put off with my lack of emotional feedback when talking. Yikes!
 
I feel extremely comfortable at my uni. It doesn't feel like a typical place of study; the lecturers are all dressed casually, and are "from the real world", so to speak.

So far, the lecturers I've had are quite good too; they care about what they teach, with a passion (they live and breath what they specialise in), which means that they share my obsession (every Aspies dream, haha). Not really that close with any of the other students though, but that's more because of the age gap.

It doesn't feel cold, or sterile there. It's like my second home.
 
Vanilla said:
I feel extremely comfortable at my uni. It doesn't feel like a typical place of study; the lecturers are all dressed casually, and are "from the real world", so to speak.

So far, the lecturers I've had are quite good too; they care about what they teach, with a passion (they live and breath what they specialise in), which means that they share my obsession (every Aspies dream, haha). Not really that close with any of the other students though, but that's more because of the age gap.

It doesn't feel cold, or sterile there. It's like my second home.
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That's interesting... I was at a similar university with a similar casual nature.

However, I always felt that a casual feel should be a starting point, not the "ultimate"... erm.. setting(?) to achieve.

In short, I don't think the uni I visited was making me more comfy because of the casual nature, I think any non-casual nature would just stress me out more.
 
King_Oni said:
That's interesting... I was at a similar university with a similar casual nature.

However, I always felt that a casual feel should be a starting point, not the "ultimate"... erm.. setting(?) to achieve.

In short, I don't think the uni I visited was making me more comfy because of the casual nature, I think any non-casual nature would just stress me out more.
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Oh really? Is it because a professional situation would offer more of a buffer between people? As in, being less personal; therefore less intrusive?
 
Vanilla said:
Oh really? Is it because a professional situation would offer more of a buffer between people? As in, being less personal; therefore less intrusive?
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I have no clue why it is... but I guess there's part of me that's just not professional nor has any aspiration to be so. Having to put on that mask... I just think I didn't come with that option, lol.

Though I guess, in a sense the "being less personal" thing is a good explanation. I never really did well anywhere where I didn't have, pretty much a private teacher. I mean, when I was in elementary and changed schools I was in a class with 7 people... (and no, it wasn't special ed, it just as a small school). I'm probably better just with one on one situations in general... not to mention that I hate it when people just don't know my first name either (and no, I'm not wearing a traineebadge for that, lol)... so perhaps I just like it to be more up close and personal.
 
King_Oni said:
I have no clue why it is... but I guess there's part of me that's just not professional nor has any aspiration to be so. Having to put on that mask... I just think I didn't come with that option, lol.

Though I guess, in a sense the "being less personal" thing is a good explanation. I never really did well anywhere where I didn't have, pretty much a private teacher. I mean, when I was in elementary and changed schools I was in a class with 7 people... (and no, it wasn't special ed, it just as a small school). I'm probably better just with one on one situations in general... not to mention that I hate it when people just don't know my first name either (and no, I'm not wearing a traineebadge for that, lol)... so perhaps I just like it to be more up close and personal.
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I understand what you mean by preferring it one on one. One thing I don't enjoy, is a large classroom lecture. I have one lecture like this, and it's generally about 40-50 people, from different disciplines, all listening to a guy at a podium up front.

This would be fine if all we were doing was listening to the guy, but he constantly insists on asking follow-up questions, to check that people are listening (this behaviour in it self annoys me, as it seems disrespectful; like we are children).

I don't like to get involved, but not because of any anxieties to do so; more because I don't want to have to yell the answer across the room, or have to speak at a volume that would allow 40-50 people to hear me clearly.
 
I guess by this thread that you are defining feeling "normal" as feeling comfortable and at ease with your surroundings and all the people within it?

I think the only way I can feel like that is if i'm performing music in a group with other people. That's really the only situation where I feel like i'm comfortable and making a genuine connection with people around me.
 
Thanks for the responses.

When I say "normal," I mean like a place where you feel like you belong. I agree with the person above that said that feeling normal can happen in a crowded place where no one's paying any attention with you. I was speaking more about socially feeling normal. There are a few place where I feel socially normal and worry-free, but the minute I leave, they return.

And things such as alcohol and drugs can make me feel normal, but I've had issues with those before, so I try to use them sparingly.
 
I would add that there are places I am very comfortable, but if there are others present, I can almost never escape the feeling that I am not normal, not fitting in, not behaving according the the generally understood rules and guidelines.


Just to differentiate between feeling "comfortable" and "normal".
 
I was lucky enough to participate in a national level chess tournament some time ago, I would have to say it was then that I felt most normal. I guess being completely surrounded by others that society thinks is strange and different really alters your perspective. While I didn't fit in too well, nobody actually 'fitted in' which I guess, put me at ease.
 
I feel normal anyplace aligned with my interests. This can include conventions, art museums, art related activities and those kinds of things. Strangely, in those places I have no trouble socializing or communicating with people it's like brawl here for the same reason so it's not as spontaneous or awkward like when you're just at a regular party and you have to come up with something to talk about and don't really know what the person's interests are.
 
I most definitely feel completely and absolutely 100 % normal...

Whilst enjoying my own company!
I only realised I was odd when people began pointing it out. I really couldn't understand why I was 'quirky'.

I've soul searched and decided to quit comparing myself with anyone else. It only made me immensely miserable.

Although my 'prozac period' wasn't without it's high lights.
 
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