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Do you care that you've had no 'personal' or social life?

Some times it bothers me. I wish that I had more friends when I was in school, and that they actually cared about keeping in touch with me.

It gets very lonely at times. And it's rough on my self esteem but on a brighter side it makes it easier on my anxiety that I don't feel like I have to go out all the time and deal with social situations.
 
I'm really don't mind not having much of a social life, and I haven't felt lonely since my early teens, even though I had more friends then. I think for me becoming comfortable by myself and not needing a social life to be happy was just a natural part of growing up. I get more than enough socialising just by sitting with people I'm sort of casual friends with during lectures at uni, any time outside of lectures is precious me time.
 
New here. (hi) I have no social contacts, but it is worth it right now for the peace. I've been married before, briefly, and so I am enjoying the feeling of safety and freedom.
 

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I'm not sure what causes the difference, but maybe it just comes down to whether or not they've ever had or been given a reason to idealize human relationships. I grew up watching cartoons about best friends and playing games that were better with two, so even though I wasn't a very empathetic person for a long time I often wish I had someone to share with. Animals won't discuss books or play videogames with me.
 
I don't see why the difference would be anything other than regular old personality differences, perhaps made a bit more extreme/dualistic by AS.
 
bentHnau said:
I don't see why the difference would be anything other than regular old personality differences, perhaps made a bit more extreme/dualistic by AS.
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Do you mean complicated by a tendency for one or both to misconstrue, ignore unintentionally, and/or not have sufficient energy for interactions?
 
kestrel said:
Do you mean complicated by a tendency for one or both to misconstrue, ignore unintentionally, and/or not have sufficient energy for interactions?
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No, I was referring to the anecdotal tendency for people with Asperger's Syndrome collectively to be very hot/cold in terms of their preferences; for example, either loving sex or hating it due to sensory issues, while relatively few seem to have more neutral feelings about sex.

I was also thinking of spectrum-related difficulties as contributing to some people being more desperate for interaction that non-spectrumites of otherwise similar personality type (due to a lifetime of social exclusion), while others are less interested than non-spectrumites of otherwise similar personality (due to the "self-centered" nature of autism or simply haven given up). Thus, the regular old personality differences I mentioned would be exaggerated by the mere presence of autistic/aspegian (what an awkward word) neurology.
 
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bentHnau - okay now I see what you mean. I believe I was describing pretty much the same thing from a different viewpoint. Though your writing is clearer than mine. :)
 
Licorice said:
Animals won't discuss books or play videogames with me.
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No, that's true but if you think of them like little children, you can play their games with them and they'll adore you for it - and you can enjoy their games as well.

I often think of my girls (cats) as little furry children :)
 
I used to want to fit in and make friends, but now I've gained experience with people and found out how fake and even secretly evil many of them are, so I avoid interacting with them unless I absolutely have to. I'm actually glad to be an Aspie for this reason, as my special interests provide a lot of interesting things for me to do so I don't need other people to be entertained or keep busy. The only times I'm lonely are actually when I'm with other people, as I feel I can't talk to any of them unless it's just small talk - and actually, they usually either ignore me or laugh at me, which makes me feel lonelier than ever. If anyone wants to be my friend now, at least in real life, they'll have to prove their worth.
 
Many years ago in my 20's, before I was diagnosed with AS (the first time), I moved in with the only woman I've ever had. We'd been living together for some time and I really missed my alone time. So one day whilst she was at work, I took the day off to be home alone and apparently, I wrote in a diary/textbook that "Although I do like Kathy's company, I much prefer it when she goes to work and I can be alone!" Well, you guessed it. Some months later, she found it and she was so upset and hurt! But knowing me, I guess she kind of understood... I think.

I guess even back then, even though I didn't know I was an Aspie, it didn't change the fact that I was an Aspie and acted in Aspie ways. That's just me.

Even at school, people would befriend me but I would still do whatever I wanted (usually go to the Library or talk to the older people) but as soon the friends went/moved away, I'd forget about them. In hindsight, I think I've lost some decent people over the years but it never worried me at the time. I've always likened it to having horse blinkers on. As soon as they move to far to the left or right and they're not right in front of me for any length of time, I forget about them. It's not like I do it on purpose. I just get so caught up in my (what I know now is my) Special Interests, nothing else seems to exist and I'd forget about them. I've never really valued friendship at all, ever. I don't need friends. They cramp my style!

Even now, all I've got is 2 'drinking buddies' who keep throwing themselves at me but I'd be happier if they'd just forget about me. I really cherish my alone time. Always have. Always will!
 
Harrison54 said:
I'd like to be more social than I am, it's down to me though as I get invited but tend to find excuses.
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Yeah same here. I am making an effort for a wedding and hen night this weekend, though. I'll be in constant company and partying I'll feel out of place and can't wait to go home lol.
 
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For the moment, my social life is better than it's been in a long time (much thanks to this forum). It would be nice to know more people in the flesh though.
 
ImAnAspie said:
No, that's true but if you think of them like little children, you can play their games with them and they'll adore you for it - and you can enjoy their games as well.

I often think of my girls (cats) as little furry children :)
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I don't want children, though.
 
I wish I had at least one true friend, but other than that, no I don't care about having a social life. I don't want an intimate life either, I find it rather distasteful, not for me. I prefer spending time by myself, quietly meditating, it's much more relaxing that way. As for what causes the differences...well I have no idea, it could be any number of things.
 
umbrellabeach said:
I've gained experience with people and found out how fake and even secretly evil many of them are, so I avoid interacting with them unless I absolutely have to.
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I experienced much the same thing with people, got so tired of it I kinda became a hermit for about ten years.
I still had to work though and, in time, during my interactions, especially with the disabled, I came to realise that people are just scared, living in fear of losing their possessions or their status in their peer group.. modern NT society seems to revolve around materialism, result of living in a consumer society.. NT's seem much more vulnerable to advertising than Autistics.
Now I look at people in that light much of the time and can only feel sympathy for their fear.
I often wish many people could share the same insight.
 
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