Do they like talking to you?

[Spiller]

I don't even know if people have an interest in talking to me. They've never told me, one way or the other.

Nanu, I find people here have an oddly consistent way of feeling the same way, so.. Hi

 

[babybird]

Nanu, I find people here have an oddly consistent way of feeling the same way, so.. Hi

Hi there!

 

[Spiller]

I find that, sometimes, you find the people that will want to see you.
But, when it works, however.. it feels good.
How do you feel about.. anything?.. Does red go with my complexion?

 

[Madame Catfish]

I have the opposite problem. I know people like to talk to me and it annoys me to no end. People seem to think that I'm unusually witty or deep or something stupid and so attempt to talk to me to entertain themselves. It's like they have more interest in what I have to say than why I'm saying it.
That aggravates me.
I'm not a clown or talk-show host, for Christ's sake. I don't try to be funny, that's just who I am; it pops out like that. That doesn't mean I'm here to amuse you or enjoy doing so. I never understand why people who want to talk to me never mention anything important- they just mention the weather or a local sports game and wait for me to fill the cavity with humour or meaning. I don't like it. They need to think for themselves without watching me fill in the blanks. I don't like small talk, but I can deal with it. It's when people come to me for a conversation that I don't like- when they offer small talk and wait for me to say something entertaining, like I'm a seal performing tricks. That's just what I am to most of my classmates- a sort of pet. They introduce me to their friends just so they can say "see, I told you, isn't she great?" and then they turn around and walk away. They see me for my value as an entertaining object instead of a person.
There are very few people I enjoy talking to myself(although this online society for the unsocial makes communication much more enjoyable), and I enjoy talking to them because they don't just come to me to laugh. We listen to each other because we actually care about the ideas we are discussing and they contribute to the conversation as much as I do. This isn't the average socialisation I find. I hate to be the arrogant, conceited self that I am, but while my schoolmates are laughing their asses off or pondering something I've said that they are stupid enough to believe is deep, I'm screaming my head off on the inside. I want people to talk to, not talk at. The fact that they treat me like I pet as though I myself am somehow less human is what gets me. My classmates will say things like "Clarice, man, I love you so much!" and introduce me to people as a spectacle but never really give me any true attention as a member of our community. (I say community because our school is very small and close-knit). It's ridiculous and frustrating and even hurtful.
I don't like it and I doubt I ever will.
That's why I like this site, it seems different. Other people have to offer their ideas and opinions, and many of them are extremely willing to do so.
Well, there you have it. Another rant from Madame C.

 

[Licorice]

All the time. I've learned good social habits but I'm really bad at gauging how people are responding and feeling in an emotional sense. Some people on Skype I talk to say I sound normal and friendly, but I'm still surprised to hear that they consider us close even though I consider myself close to them.

 

[Beverly]

No, I assume they will stop taking to me if they do not like talking to me. Should they choose to continue talking with me, they either like doing so or, are masochists so, enjoy torturing themselves by talking to me.

Why, expect when required for business reason, would you talk to someone you do not like talking to unless you liked the torture of doing so?

 

[DogwoodTree]

If I were to be absolutely and completely honest...and I probably won't be, so pretend I didn't say this...I do not think people generally like talking with me (although pretty much anyone likes talking at someone, no matter who that person is, because so many people just like to hear themselves talk)...but the reason I think that...is because I don't generally enjoy talking with them.

There are exceptions. There are some people I so greatly admire and respect that it doesn't really matter what they're saying, just the fact that they're willing to talk with me, that I enjoy on some level. But that doesn't mean I'm always interested in what they're talking about.

And then there are people who have such interesting things to say, that even if I don't care deeply for the person, hearing what they say gets my brain going, and that's fun.

So maybe it's an aspie thing or maybe it's a human thing...to judge other people's inner worlds by our experiences of our own inner worlds. Since this is the way I feel about other people, it's the way I tend to think they feel about me.

I don't get the whole "connection for the sake of connection" thing. I want to get it, desperately so. I want to enjoy being with someone rather than having to be so task-oriented to feel like my presence is justified. But I have no clue how to do that. So small talk...where the point is to be with rather than having anything in particular to say...does.not.compute.

Okay, putting the mask back on now..."Everyone is awe-some!"...everything everyone has to say is insanely interesting! (with an emphasis on the "insane" part, lol)

 

[Beverly]

I don't understand small talk either, and thankfully, have mostly lived in a world where "small talk" is about your careers, the song you are working, the ones you want to write, the latest hook ups and breakups that might affect a give artist or band, or you own struggles with performing.

I see no point in discussing the fact that it is sunny today and will rain tomorrow. If you wish to know what the weather forcast is, you can look it up or listen to it on the news the same as I can. We do not need to talk about it. I do not care what your fifth cousin twice remove who lives in Lostville, Nowhere Land is doing or, if Jane Internet geek unfollowed you yesterday. That is of no concern, it is not going to change your life nor mine in any significant way, what is the point of talking about it?

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'm very quiet by nature, so most people don't talk to me. If they do, they usually just try to make a little small talk with me and then stop after finding out I'm not in school. Apparently school is considered super interesting to talk to young people about. It's like being disqualified from a survey when that happens. XD
I think a lot more people would find me interesting if they'd ask the right questions. Ask me about school or my job and I'll give short, basic answers since I'm just answering the questions and stating the facts. But if someone asked me about my interests/hobbies, what kinds of music I like, or even where I moved to Maryland from and why - now THAT'S an interesting story, even though they would probably intend the question to be small talk. Usually my parents are the ones who tell it because they're more outgoing so people talk to them.
At the same time, though, I'm (at least currently) too suspicious of people to open up to them much. So I guess it's kind of a lose-lose situation. I don't know if it will change in the future.

 

[Progster]

I don't get the whole "connection for the sake of connection" thing. I want to get it, desperately so. I want to enjoy being with someone rather than having to be so task-oriented to feel like my presence is justified. But I have no clue how to do that. So small talk...where the point is to be with rather than having anything in particular to say...does.not.compute.

I don't get why people think that you must be talking if you are with someone. Sometimes I may enjoy someone's company, but I don't want to talk. I don't feel the necessity to be talking all the time and making smalltalk. I'd enjoy being around people a lot more if they didn't keep wanting to make smalltalk all the time.

I have no idea whether people like talking to me or not. I think that people find me boring and too serious. People want other people to be all fun and joking and banter, and I'm not like that, so they don't seek out my company. Sometimes people ask my advice, because I'm a good listener.

All the time. I've learned good social habits but I'm really bad at gauging how people are responding and feeling in an emotional sense. Some people on Skype I talk to say I sound normal and friendly, but I'm still surprised to hear that they consider us close even though I consider myself close to them.

I experience this too. I'm not good at picking up on people's moods. I never know what people think of me, and they don't tell me. It can cause quite a bit of anxiety at work.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh wow, YES. Although I am not as bad as I used to be, once I discovered a little trick and it seems to work.

No one, not aspies or nts, like being around a constantly negative person! And so, if I am not at all sure whether I am liked or not, I actually joke about it and it works. I just say: you can't let me go because I am just too irresistible and I always get back, mirths of laughter and: too right!

I am also tons more aware now with reading a person and by their actions, I can tell.

I do have this little voice that says: try and make your conversation has avid as possible; it is when I see the eyes drifting away ( those who think nothing of making eye contact), I then recognize with sadness that I am boring them!

This naturally is face to face!