DC1346
Well-Known Member
One of the reasons I am introverted is because I've had people abuse my friendship in the past.
While working in Saudi Arabia, a couple of teachers who were going on vacation kindly lent me the use of their house because my personal belongings weren't due to arrive for another month. Instead of living in a tiny one bedroom condo with nothing more than the suitcases I had arrived with, I was given access to a spacious fully furnished 3 bedroom home complete with internet access, satellite TV, and a fully stocked kitchen. It was GREAT!
On my first night there, I was preparing a simple dinner of roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, country gravy, honey glazed carrots, and buttermilk biscuits. The doorbell rang and I opened the door to find a stranger who introduced himself as being a friend of the family.
The stranger, whom I will call Carl, sniffed and observed that something smelled delicious ... so I invited him in and we had a nice dinner.
Throughout the month I was in that house, Carl came by EVERY NIGHT ... surprisingly enough at dinner time ... and I always fed him.
After the family returned, I moved back into my condo. I also bought a car and since Carl didn't have a car even though he had been living in the kingdom for several years, he began catching rides to the supermarket with me. He also began coming over for dinner On Thursday nights. The weekends in Saudi Arabia are Thursday and Friday. The workweek runs from Saturday through Wednesday.
I thought of Carl as a friend and didn't realize he was a mooch until three things happened.
1) After returning from vacation, he called me at 3 AM for a ride from the airport back to his home. He didn't apologize for waking me up. He didn't offer me a gift in appreciation for the ride. SInce he was too lazy to stand outside while he was waiting for me, I had to park my car and go inside the airport to find him and he was too damned cheap to even offer to pay the parking fee.
2) The day after his return, he called me for a ride to the supermarket. While we were going into the supermarket, he met a friend and said that he'd be along in a moment since he wanted to chat. I shopped for my groceries and left the supermarket to find that he was still talking. "Oh my gosh, I'll just be a moment" he said and he hurried into the store. By the time he came out of the supermarket SOME THIRTY MINUTES LATER, my ice cream had melted in the 115 degree Fahrenheit heat! The jerk didn't apologize. He didn't offer to buy me some more ice cream. AND HE EXPECTED A RIDE HOME.
3) By this time I was fuming. While taking Carl home, Carl told me that he wouldn't be able to come to dinner on Thursday night. When I asked why, he said that he was having a get together at his place. He did not invite me to come over.
When I thought about it, I realized that everything with Carl was take-take-take and I never got anything in exchange. He never offered to help clean the dishes. He never offered to take me out for a meal. He didn't offer to pay for the gas ... not that this would have been much since we both worked for the Saudi Aramco Oil Company and gas at the employee station was running at the Saudi equivalent of 27 cents per gallon. Lord do I miss those prices!
I once also had a friend whom I will call Ruth.
Ruth was a teacher at my school back when I taught elementary. After I went abroad to teach in Saudi Arabia, she married and moved to south Texas. When I came back to the states on vacation, I wanted to visit Ruth but having lived in south Texas, I didn't particularly want to visit her there. I asked if she and her husband might want to meet me in San Antonio.
When Ruth told me that she couldn't afford to come to San Antonio, I booked her a suite adjacent to mine at the Marriot Riverside. I also arranged for chocolate covered strawberries and champagne to be delivered to her room after she checked in. I did not regard this expense as extravagant because I was making a bucket of money for Aramco. The company had even given me $7500 as a vacation travel allowance.
The three of us had a great time. I paid for everything ... rooms ... meals ... shows etc. As a wedding gift, I gave Ruth a thousand bucks so that she and her husband wouldn't feel left out while I went on a shopping spree.
Towards the end of our trip, I asked Ruth and her husband Jay for one favor. I asked them if they'd ship my purchases to me in Saudi Arabia. I gave them $500 ... more than enough to cover the cost of air freight.
They happily agreed and loaded my purchases into their car.
The purchases never arrived in Saudi Arabia. When I called Ruth, she claimed that she and Jay had taken my belongings to a freight company. She couldn't imagine why I hadn't received my belongings. She said she would call the company but suggested that the problem might have been on my end since Saudi customs officials had an unfortunate tendency to take whatever they wanted.
Although I knew that Saudi customs officials did this (and had told Ruth as part of my stories regarding my life abroad) I had never heard of an official who was so greedy that he'd take an entire shipment. Anyone who lived in the kingdom knew enough to expect some pilferage but the loss of all belongings was simply unheard of.
So ... I called the freight company that Ruth had told me about in the states. The freight company had never heard of me and they had no records of any shipment from Ruth and Jay.
When I called Ruth to ask her why the freight company had never processed a shipment for me, she froze. She didn't know what to say.
I received my belongings one week later but never again heard from Ruth or Jay.
Years later I found myself working in Lebanon. After the Israeli Air Force bombed Beirut, I voluntarily evacuated and was met at an airport in North Carolina by another teacher friend. I thanked him for picking me up and apologized for not having a gift since my departure from Beirut had been somewhat abrupt.
My friend, whom I will refer to as Bill, observed that he was a month behind on his mortgage. he also told me that his electricity had been cut off due to a 3 month delinquency in paying his bills.
When I offered to pay his bills for him, he took me to his bank where I paid the overdue mortgage. He then took me to the utility company where I paid his past due bills. I also paid for a reconnection fee. As we were headed back to his car, he observed that he had only "been joking" and that he hadn't expected me to help him out. I didn't really think anything of it because we were friends.
Bill began doing the same thing that carl had done. He'd come over for dinner on Sundays but never offered to help clean and never reciprocated by offering me dinner at his home or offering to take me out to dinner.
One day he asked me for the loan of $1500 because he had an obese friend who was on a medical disability and she needed an electric chair for mobility in her home. I loaned him the money and he promised repayment as soon as possible. A year passed and I found myself in culinary school with mounting expenses from tuition, room and board etc.
When I asked about repayment I was lectured for being greedy and selfish. I was told that I was "only about the money" and that I'd be paid back when the borrower damn well felt like it.
That pretty much killed that friendship ... and it also alerted me to the realization that I've made some really bad choices for friends over the years.
I wonder ... is my story similar to yours? Do people take advantage of you because of your trusting nature?
I am older now and not nearly so trusting.
Regards,
David
While working in Saudi Arabia, a couple of teachers who were going on vacation kindly lent me the use of their house because my personal belongings weren't due to arrive for another month. Instead of living in a tiny one bedroom condo with nothing more than the suitcases I had arrived with, I was given access to a spacious fully furnished 3 bedroom home complete with internet access, satellite TV, and a fully stocked kitchen. It was GREAT!
On my first night there, I was preparing a simple dinner of roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, country gravy, honey glazed carrots, and buttermilk biscuits. The doorbell rang and I opened the door to find a stranger who introduced himself as being a friend of the family.
The stranger, whom I will call Carl, sniffed and observed that something smelled delicious ... so I invited him in and we had a nice dinner.
Throughout the month I was in that house, Carl came by EVERY NIGHT ... surprisingly enough at dinner time ... and I always fed him.
After the family returned, I moved back into my condo. I also bought a car and since Carl didn't have a car even though he had been living in the kingdom for several years, he began catching rides to the supermarket with me. He also began coming over for dinner On Thursday nights. The weekends in Saudi Arabia are Thursday and Friday. The workweek runs from Saturday through Wednesday.
I thought of Carl as a friend and didn't realize he was a mooch until three things happened.
1) After returning from vacation, he called me at 3 AM for a ride from the airport back to his home. He didn't apologize for waking me up. He didn't offer me a gift in appreciation for the ride. SInce he was too lazy to stand outside while he was waiting for me, I had to park my car and go inside the airport to find him and he was too damned cheap to even offer to pay the parking fee.
2) The day after his return, he called me for a ride to the supermarket. While we were going into the supermarket, he met a friend and said that he'd be along in a moment since he wanted to chat. I shopped for my groceries and left the supermarket to find that he was still talking. "Oh my gosh, I'll just be a moment" he said and he hurried into the store. By the time he came out of the supermarket SOME THIRTY MINUTES LATER, my ice cream had melted in the 115 degree Fahrenheit heat! The jerk didn't apologize. He didn't offer to buy me some more ice cream. AND HE EXPECTED A RIDE HOME.
3) By this time I was fuming. While taking Carl home, Carl told me that he wouldn't be able to come to dinner on Thursday night. When I asked why, he said that he was having a get together at his place. He did not invite me to come over.
When I thought about it, I realized that everything with Carl was take-take-take and I never got anything in exchange. He never offered to help clean the dishes. He never offered to take me out for a meal. He didn't offer to pay for the gas ... not that this would have been much since we both worked for the Saudi Aramco Oil Company and gas at the employee station was running at the Saudi equivalent of 27 cents per gallon. Lord do I miss those prices!
I once also had a friend whom I will call Ruth.
Ruth was a teacher at my school back when I taught elementary. After I went abroad to teach in Saudi Arabia, she married and moved to south Texas. When I came back to the states on vacation, I wanted to visit Ruth but having lived in south Texas, I didn't particularly want to visit her there. I asked if she and her husband might want to meet me in San Antonio.
When Ruth told me that she couldn't afford to come to San Antonio, I booked her a suite adjacent to mine at the Marriot Riverside. I also arranged for chocolate covered strawberries and champagne to be delivered to her room after she checked in. I did not regard this expense as extravagant because I was making a bucket of money for Aramco. The company had even given me $7500 as a vacation travel allowance.
The three of us had a great time. I paid for everything ... rooms ... meals ... shows etc. As a wedding gift, I gave Ruth a thousand bucks so that she and her husband wouldn't feel left out while I went on a shopping spree.
Towards the end of our trip, I asked Ruth and her husband Jay for one favor. I asked them if they'd ship my purchases to me in Saudi Arabia. I gave them $500 ... more than enough to cover the cost of air freight.
They happily agreed and loaded my purchases into their car.
The purchases never arrived in Saudi Arabia. When I called Ruth, she claimed that she and Jay had taken my belongings to a freight company. She couldn't imagine why I hadn't received my belongings. She said she would call the company but suggested that the problem might have been on my end since Saudi customs officials had an unfortunate tendency to take whatever they wanted.
Although I knew that Saudi customs officials did this (and had told Ruth as part of my stories regarding my life abroad) I had never heard of an official who was so greedy that he'd take an entire shipment. Anyone who lived in the kingdom knew enough to expect some pilferage but the loss of all belongings was simply unheard of.
So ... I called the freight company that Ruth had told me about in the states. The freight company had never heard of me and they had no records of any shipment from Ruth and Jay.
When I called Ruth to ask her why the freight company had never processed a shipment for me, she froze. She didn't know what to say.
I received my belongings one week later but never again heard from Ruth or Jay.
Years later I found myself working in Lebanon. After the Israeli Air Force bombed Beirut, I voluntarily evacuated and was met at an airport in North Carolina by another teacher friend. I thanked him for picking me up and apologized for not having a gift since my departure from Beirut had been somewhat abrupt.
My friend, whom I will refer to as Bill, observed that he was a month behind on his mortgage. he also told me that his electricity had been cut off due to a 3 month delinquency in paying his bills.
When I offered to pay his bills for him, he took me to his bank where I paid the overdue mortgage. He then took me to the utility company where I paid his past due bills. I also paid for a reconnection fee. As we were headed back to his car, he observed that he had only "been joking" and that he hadn't expected me to help him out. I didn't really think anything of it because we were friends.
Bill began doing the same thing that carl had done. He'd come over for dinner on Sundays but never offered to help clean and never reciprocated by offering me dinner at his home or offering to take me out to dinner.
One day he asked me for the loan of $1500 because he had an obese friend who was on a medical disability and she needed an electric chair for mobility in her home. I loaned him the money and he promised repayment as soon as possible. A year passed and I found myself in culinary school with mounting expenses from tuition, room and board etc.
When I asked about repayment I was lectured for being greedy and selfish. I was told that I was "only about the money" and that I'd be paid back when the borrower damn well felt like it.
That pretty much killed that friendship ... and it also alerted me to the realization that I've made some really bad choices for friends over the years.
I wonder ... is my story similar to yours? Do people take advantage of you because of your trusting nature?
I am older now and not nearly so trusting.
Regards,
David
What I wouldn't do for all those dollars now! 
