Do NT Men/Women Understand Eachother Better Than Aspies Do Them ??

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

BEST QUESTION EVER!!!

I wonder if NT women understand more about NT men (feelings, behavior, thoughts, desires) than autistic men do (despite them being of the same gender) and the same goes for NT men understanding NT women better than autistic women ??
Could an NT woman act more like an NT male than an autistic male also I wonder?

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I think autistic people feel confused about how other people think and behaviour in general! If they're educated in how people behaviour or are higher on the spectrum then maybe it's different.

A lot of autistic people make the mistake in thinking that everyone just thinks like them, probably especially true when it comes to other autistics because they share something in common even more so.

Although women and men who date a lot get a jaded view on each other's wants and needs I do them they have on average a better understanding of the other.

 

[wight]

Short answer, no. They don't understand each other better.

 

[Keigan]

I do not think that an NT can understand another NT, most of their views are within themselves as in 'I" and "me" or an association to a group or cause with "we". I see that as a facade of connection to others around them, knowing that the others have the same facade.

Many aspies knows themselves better and have a better chance of monitoring themselves, managing themselves, taking responsibility for their actions and being accountable for their mistakes.

Not many NT individuals take responsibility for their actions or hold themselves accountable for their mistakes - they tend to blow it off with some excuse.

 

[janie]

I do not think that an NT can understand another NT, most of their views are within themselves as in 'I" and "me" or an association to a group or cause with "we". I see that as a facade of connection to others around them, knowing that the others have the same facade.

Many aspies knows themselves better and have a better chance of monitoring themselves, managing themselves, taking responsibility for their actions and being accountable for their mistakes.

Not many NT individuals take responsibility for their actions or hold themselves accountable for their mistakes - they tend to blow it off with some excuse.

I just am coming up to speed on the concept that not everyone thinks like me.

My entire life into adulthood led me to believe that I was both too-much-more -than and also too-much-less-than in my cognition and behavioral responses. I was taught my inability to get it right (NT profile) was because I was difficult, manipulative, lazy, or all of the above.

The only thing I presently know about how any human being is thinking: assume you know nothing, expect nothing, assume nothing, and any insight/opinion/conclusion about stimulus is possible boggled.

This idea way beyond my pay-grade

 

[janie]

This would be more actionable if I had said:

The only thing I presently know about how any other human being's thinking: 1. Assume that I know nothing, 2.Expect nothing, 3. Assume nothing, and 4. Recognize that any insight/opinion/conclusion I register about another's metacognition is likely blind to critical context known only to them.

I made a relational mess this morning because I could not manage my own anxiety and was unable to consider the relevant view point and experience of a family member.

I know better how to restrain this emotional dumping like hazard waste in clean waters, but I do not consistently engage the self-control to reflexively choose other strategies when I am tired, anxious or resource depleted.

When I err, and fecal blizzard I erred today, I still have to address the issue.

I also have to gather the strength to clean up the mess I made, admit my wrong doing, accept those things for which I am responsible, and make amends.

This recovery cycle proves that it is easier for me to engage self-control and employ more effective strategies in the moment to avoid so much more and painful work.

Until I gain more mastery, I will continue to make situations harder for me and those with whom I am in relationship more difficult.

I know this.
I believe this.
Likewise, I understand this is universal, and not cognitive type exclusive.
I am in good company.

And.

In this moment, I am tired of this truth that feels more difficult than I am able.

And.

As long as I sit in this spot, I will feel this way.

So, as I sit here, I am doing what I know how to do to change my channel.

 

[Keigan]

This is more relationship than understanding, I'll initiate my own thread.

Considering relationships between individuals, here are my thoughts and experiences:

Case 1
I think the interactions between NT individual and another NT individual has the opportunity/challenges to flourish as they have the same type of neurology plus everything else to complicate their relationship.

Case 2
I think the interactions between NT individual and an aspie individual would be challenging as their neurology is vastly different from each other and they would both need incredible patience and compassion for a relationship to work, a lot of work.

Case 3
I think that interactions between an aspie individual and another aspie individual has a greater opportunity to flourish as they have similar neurology and challenges, plus they have core desires to fit in with another, plus they have patience and understanding of aspie traits which has the potential to allow mistakes to roll off without being hurt.

Kicker 1
Throw into the mix an empathic individual (usually NT) paired with a non-empathic individual (usually aspie) and the core needs of the empathic will probably never be fully met.

Kicker 2
Throw into the mix an empathic individual (usually NT) paired with an alexithymic individual (NT or aspie) and the core needs of the empathic will never be met, emotional connection not likely and in some case not possible due to DNA.

Kicker 3 Example
'Cassandra syndrome' a handsome aspie male can appear as a distant stranger, an empathic female is attracted through her curiosity and willingness to nurture the missing emotions of the aspie male in order to "fix him". This can lead to disaster as the core needs of the empathic female will probably never be met by the discovery of an emotional connection with the aspie male, amplified if the aspie male is also alexithymic. Additionally, expectations from the empathic female placed onto the aspie male will cause him to withdraw and shutdown. As a mitigation, the empathic female usually amplifies her efforts by attempting to get even closer through crowding and flooding the aspie male resulting in the potential for further withdrawal, shutdown and possibly meltdown.

 

[Buzzerfly]

As an NT, here are my thoughts:
When an NT man and woman enter into a relationship, that entity has a life of its own. A relationship actually causes both parties not to see each other and follow a set of rules with which to interact. If the rules become incomparable, they break up. If the rules stay compatible, they hold together. It's an unfair game, because factors like differing rules passed down from families or pressures from the world affect relationships. The relationship itself collapses any real feelings two people might have for each other. Sorry you are lonely. But don't be envious of those relationships. The problem for those on the spectrum I think is that they don't know/can't keep up with those rules...so they have trouble getting chicks (or dudes). And love between two people on the spectrum in our current world would be so hard, because both parties are so preoccupied with just getting through each day on this planet.

But hang in there! I think there will be big changes in the way our planet works in our lifetime.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

As an NT,

Can I put you in an experimental room with other NTs and study your interactions

 

[Buzzerfly]

Can I put you in an experimental room with other NTs and study your interactions

Lol, will they be restrained? If so, yes! Otherwise, they'd be offended and attack me!

 

[Questella]

Can I put you in an experimental room with other NTs and study your interactions

Science!