Do Aspies Sometimes Provoke Insecurity?

[total-recoil]

I had a very bad day last week. The same thing that has happened one or two times before left me quite rattled. Someone verbally attacked me, throwing insults at me and ranting. This person is also very socially successful. A company director with a business that has a high turn-over in profits. So, not sure why I of all people should have provoked such a reaction?
What I do know now is he was under some stress at the time and that acted as a catalyst to offload baggage in my direction (something that has been building up for some time). Evidently (and judging by the length of the rant), he preceived me as being someone who acted out the role of a misfit to fool others. He accused me of being selfish, a taker, indifferent to normal sensitivities and the concerns of others. Someone who was supposed to have "an attitude".
In fact, after first being in shock, I later became very angry. So angry that I had a hard job of it not to have it out with this individual. However, eventually my anger subsided and I even began to see a funny side to it, especially in light of the fact I now realise this person is actually very insecure and certainly under stress (due to business pressures).
Yes, this has happened to me before. I am now quite certain that, for whatever reason, I appear to occasionally make others feel insecure or threatened. Also very often I've been accused of "putting on an act" or "acting the fool". I now know that this misinterpretation is merely due to my dreamy atttitude and being totally engrossed in my own domain. Sure, it's probably true I can be inconsiderate but not out of intent. It's more the case I sometimes get so engrossed in what I'm working on, I often lose focus of other people around me and appear indifferent.
All he had to do was ask and I'd have been happy to correct any problem without the need for all the drama.
Funnily enough, when I found out Hans Christian Anderson had aspergers, I took to reading up a bit on his life and also watched the film, "My Life As A Fairy-Tale". Apparently when Hans was sent to grammar school back in Denmark, there was a teacher who came to resent him and bully him. He forbade Hans to write any more stories or fiction and, when Anderson finally did put pen to paper, the teacher exloded in a fit of rage, heaping insults on the writer and telling him he'd never amount to anything.
I lose count of the times this has happened. I was glad, though, I've learned not to get drawn into that level of behaviour and that I kept my cool. I do find it odd, though, that someone like me who's socially a failure should make someone so successful feel insecure or exasperated. I rent from this person so to have risen to the provocation would have left me in quite a financial mess.
Anyone had anything like this happen?

 

[Cerulean]

I have, it's like I unnerve people by not meeting their social expectations, and since most aspies look so "normal" they just don't expect us to act differently. Indifferent, detached, oblivious- all adjectives people have assigned to me. I've also been asked if I'm on drugs, prescription or otherwise. The one thing I was constantly yelled at for as a child was having "an attitude". I still don't really know what that means, as far as my particular situation goes.

Sounds like it's good you kept your head, I find it useful to drift into that state of detachment when people do that, and just observe and not react.

 

[eon]

Yes. It's a classic problem for me. By direct coworkers I'm often viewed as intimidating due to their insecurity and my expertise level. Further, conflicts/scenarios where I get to absorb insults or other aggression may frequently occur when I'm not exactly on their frequency (happens most over the phone and my pace is out of alignment of theirs)

 

[total-recoil]

I did react once. It was before I knew about aspergers and now I do know, that helps a lot. I'm glad I didn't let it provoke me this time and hopefully it won't in the future (now I know).
It even happens with my family. I know they talk about me a bit and just find me very odd or feel I ought to go out more and socialise rather than spend time with the dog (who adores me to pieces).

I have, it's like I unnerve people by not meeting their social expectations, and since most aspies look so "normal" they just don't expect us to act differently. Indifferent, detached, oblivious- all adjectives people have assigned to me. I've also been asked if I'm on drugs, prescription or otherwise. The one thing I was constantly yelled at for as a child was having "an attitude". I still don't really know what that means, as far as my particular situation goes.

Sounds like it's good you kept your head, I find it useful to drift into that state of detachment when people do that, and just observe and not react.

 

[Soup]

This is interesting! I think that many NTs have shared the same experience about the clich?d ranting boss, freaky landlord.. & angry wing-nuts of every variety. These are angry insecure people. Often successful affluent people are extremely insecure beneath the fa?ades & posturing. They're under constant 'keep up with the Joneses' type pressure & no amount of success is ever enough because they're comparing themselves to people who are even more successful than they are.

These types are often (like school yard bullies) smart enough to target people they can get away with dumping their explosive rants on. This makes them feel relieved of pent up pressure & aggression & gives them an ego/power boost. Like the case where the boss yells at a manager, he goes home & yells at his wife, who yells at the kid who then kicks the dog who goes & bites the letter carrier. $H!T tends to roll downhill.

As to what to do about it, if this is a 'superior' at work, you document these incidents. As soon as you get a minute, jot down the day, date & time it happened, the circumstances & who was there. Note the insults & accusations & honestly note your reaction.

It is illegal to abuse people in the workplace. If this person repeats the behaviour, take the issue over his head: there's ALWAYS a higher authority.

 

[Geordie]

Bullying in workplaces is unacceptable.

Talents that add value to our world should be honed, not suppressed. What works for the world may not work for the firm, but at least, it makes the world a little more vibrant and colorful.

 

[total-recoil]

He can be an absolutely horrible person. I don't work for him but happen to know the female staff have broke down into tears at times. One girl is very quiet at work and hardly ever speaks. She just wants to do her day's work and go home.
I'm not afraid of bullies and will either stick up for myself or anyone else. However,. I think this person picks who he targets, knowing he has an economic advantage. For example, in my case, had I retaliated, he could have told me to move my stuff from there out of storage and it would cost me time and money. Kicked me out, so to speak. Same with his staff. His hold over them is the wage he pays and as the economic climate here is dire, they only retaliate within boundaries.
Still, I can see right through this guy. he's very definitely insecure and sometimes jealous. He doesn't like to see people bonding together or anything appearing to go out of control. In my case I find it very very odd he'd view me as a threat as I have no real status apart from appearing to be an oddball.
There is a saying about judging not so you won't be judged. This guy judges me as uncaring, selfish, indifferent and lazy yet seems oblivious to his own bullying of his staff, bad management skills and sarcasm. However, I decided for now just to keep well out of his way and let karma find its own path.

This is interesting! I think that many NTs have shared the same experience about the clich?d ranting boss, freaky landlord.. & angry wing-nuts of every variety. These are angry insecure people. Often successful affluent people are extremely insecure beneath the fa?ades & posturing. They're under constant 'keep up with the Joneses' type pressure & no amount of success is ever enough because they're comparing themselves to people who are even more successful than they are.

These types are often (like school yard bullies) smart enough to target people they can get away with dumping their explosive rants on. This makes them feel relieved of pent up pressure & aggression & gives them an ego/power boost. Like the case where the boss yells at a manager, he goes home & yells at his wife, who yells at the kid who then kicks the dog who goes & bites the letter carrier. $H!T tends to roll downhill.

As to what to do about it, if this is a 'superior' at work, you document these incidents. As soon as you get a minute, jot down the day, date & time it happened, the circumstances & who was there. Note the insults & accusations & honestly note your reaction.

It is illegal to abuse people in the workplace. If this person repeats the behaviour, take the issue over his head: there's ALWAYS a higher authority.

 

[Soup]

This guy is using other people as mirrors, looking into their faces, seeing only his own reflection & NOT liking what he sees. He is raving at HIMSELF. The stuff he's saying applies to himself only & has nothing to do with you.

He mightn't view you as a threat but as someone 'safe' who cannot do much back to him. Like a mugger, people like him size up potential victims & select someone who appears to be an easy target: the mugger wants the other person's money. This guy wants to dump his self-contempt onto someone & get a false confidence boost. The boost he gets is a temporary fake high much like the pink elephant a drunk sees. He must drink again soon if he wishes to continue 'seeing' that which satisfies him.

One day, your guy will miscalculate. It always happens: (think Saddam Hussein, Nicolai Ceaucescu, Benito Mussolini etc.). The people they victimize feel like they've been pushed so far down that they have nowhere left to go but up! If you can't gather support & use the systems in place around you to stop him, use the 'give him enough rope' technique. He'll hang himself.

Please please don't blame yourself in any way or blame Asperger's. There's nothing whatsoever about it that 'triggers' people to become like this man. He mistreats all kinds of people because he's an abusive character. If you were huge like King_Oni, I guarantee you that this guy would not even try this crap on you.

 

[total-recoil]

Basically he's totally lost my respect. Rather than rise to the provocation I decided to just ignore him best as I can. If I told him what I thought he'd tell me to clear off. In fact, I hear his secretary retaliated last week and he later asked her if she'd considered working for someone else.
I'll say one thing, though, some people really know how to be nasty and spiteful. Some of those words can sting. Fortunately I know other people who empoy people and they treat their staff really well.

This guy is using other people as mirrors, looking into their faces, seeing only his own reflection & NOT liking what he sees. He is raving at HIMSELF. The stuff he's saying applies to himself only & has nothing to do with you.

He mightn't view you as a threat but as someone 'safe' who cannot do much back to him. Like a mugger, people like him size up potential victims & select someone who appears to be an easy target: the mugger wants the other person's money. This guy wants to dump his self-contempt onto someone & get a false confidence boost. The boost he gets is a temporary fake high much like the pink elephant a drunk sees. He must drink again soon if he wishes to continue 'seeing' that which satisfies him.

One day, your guy will miscalculate. It always happens: (think Saddam Hussein, Nicolai Ceaucescu, Benito Mussolini etc.). The people they victimize feel like they've been pushed so far down that they have nowhere left to go but up! If you can't gather support & use the systems in place around you to stop him, use the 'give him enough rope' technique. He'll hang himself.

Please please don't blame yourself in any way or blame Asperger's. There's nothing whatsoever about it that 'triggers' people to become like this man. He mistreats all kinds of people because he's an abusive character. If you were huge like King_Oni, I guarantee you that this guy would not even try this crap on you.