Do any of you not bother going to autism groups? I used to in the past but I haven't had tons of progress making friends.

[Amethystgirl]

I only made one friend in Asperger group years and I would like more friends but I don't go groups because making friends is too complicated for me. I even tried making friends in Special Olympics but I didn't fit in.

 

[Judge]

The only known autism groups for adults I know of locally involves a typical $30-40 charge per session. That alone turns my stomach, making it unrealistic for me to progress socially under such circum$tances. Making me feel more like someone's prey.

Same reason I have never considered visiting a prostitute. A charge for "a service rendered" and little else when it comes to the human heart.

Friendship and love should not have a price tag associated with it.

 

[the_tortoise]

No, because I don't fit in, either -- and it doesn't matter who the group is comprised of (meaning autistic va non-autistic) I don't do well in groups; There is too much to follow.

Plus everyone is always "higher functioning" than I am (in terms of independence, in terms of life responsibilities, in terms of speech and processing speed) and so it's just like everywhere else where I struggle to be understood, to understand, to find common ground, to participate and connect.

 

[vergil96]

I have met a lot of diagnosed autistic people IRL and I don't have a reason to believe that I would fit in. I don't have common interests or life experiences with them. It would be nice in theory to feel a sense of validation, but I'm not going to find the validation in experiences that I don't share.

and it doesn't matter who the group is comprised of (meaning autistic va non-autistic) I don't do well in groups; There is too much to follow.

Me too. Groups are also inherently tiring for me. The sensation of noise and people walking around - it drains me.

 

[Tired]

Same reason I have never considered visiting a prostitute. A charge for "a service rendered" and little else when it comes to the human heart.

All the prostitutes want in their heart is to not be in their position, that's for sure.

 

[Dagan]

I remember being in middle school and getting scolded because I was breaking the chain for "Hands Across America." I didn't want to touch sweaty, gross hands with anyone, haha.

 

[SusanLR]

No, because I don't fit in, either -- and it doesn't matter who the group is comprised of (meaning autistic va non-autistic) I don't do well in groups; There is too much to follow.

Plus everyone is always "higher functioning" than I am (in terms of independence, in terms of life responsibilities, in terms of speech and processing speed) and so it's just like everywhere else where I struggle to be understood, to understand, to find common ground, to participate and connect.

No. For all the same reasons. I just don't fit in with groups.

 

[Shamar]

I only made one friend in Asperger group years and I would like more friends but I don't go groups because making friends is too complicated for me. I even tried making friends in Special Olympics but I didn't fit in.

There are no autism groups anywhere near me that I have been able to find. Almost everything seems to be for children.

 

[AprilR]

There are no autism groups anywhere near me that I have been able to find. Almost everything seems to be for children.

Same, everything is for children and parents

 

[Matthias]

The only known autism groups for adults I know of locally involves a typical $30-40 charge per session. That alone turns my stomach, making it unrealistic for me to progress socially under such circum$tances. Making me feel more like someone's prey.

Same reason I have never considered visiting a prostitute. A charge for "a service rendered" and little else when it comes to the human heart.

Friendship and love should not have a price tag associated with it.

You're not paying for friendship or love. You're paying for the cost to rent a room to meet and the wages for workers to arrange everything, run the group, and cleanup afterward. Do you expect people to work for free?

 

[Judge]

You're not paying for friendship or love. You're paying for the cost to rent a room to meet and the wages for workers to arrange everything, run the group, and cleanup afterward. Do you expect people to work for free?

You speak the obvious. However in doing so you miss my point entirely. Why must there be a "middle-man" over basic socialization itself?

I'm not interested in any clinical or medical analysis, let alone a third-party to charge for it. When the process becomes just another commodity at the outset. To me that reflects no more social value than going to a club with a steep cover charge. Or seeking the services of a prostitute.

If I want a medical analysis of my ability or inability to socialize, it might as well be in a clinic or hospital paid for through Medicare. Otherwise for me personally to have to pay for companionship is where I ethically draw a line is unacceptable. I am not a piece of meat to be bought or sold.

Though equally I will not condemn those who are willing to pay a price. That this has to be an individual choice, and not a collective one. For me friendship is about real value. Not one carrying just another price tag. Even given that most forms of entertainment in society shamelessly charge a price. I already know that.

For me, friendship and fellowship are given or earned. Not bought or sold.

This is my personal viewpoint, whether or not any other person agrees with me or not. I make no concessions or apologies for it.

 

[Matthias]

You speak the obvious. However in doing so you miss my point entirely. Why must there be a "middle-man" over basic socialization itself?

I'm not interested in any clinical or medical analysis, let alone a third-party to charge for it. When the process becomes just another commodity at the outset. To me that reflects no more social value than going to a club with a steep cover charge. Or seeking the services of a prostitute.

If I want a medical analysis of my ability or inability to socialize, it might as well be in a clinic or hospital paid for through Medicare. Otherwise for me personally to have to pay for companionship is where I ethically draw a line is unacceptable. I am not a piece of meat to be bought or sold.

Though equally I will not condemn those who are willing to pay a price. That this has to be an individual choice, and not a collective one. For me friendship is about real value. Not one carrying just another price tag. Even given that most forms of entertainment in society shamelessly charge a price. I already know that.

For me, friendship and fellowship are given or earned. Not bought or sold.

This is my personal viewpoint, whether or not any other person agrees with me or not. I make no concessions or apologies for it.

If you have a friend group where you can spend time together in public or at each other's homes, that's great. But many people need to pay to go somewhere to socialize. I don't see how paying for an autism meetup is any different than paying to socialize at a bar, nightclub, bowling alley, or comedy show. For those who can't socialize without support, I'm sure these groups are really helpful.

 

[Judge]

I'm sure these groups are really helpful.

They may well be.

But I'd rather socialize without that price tag. Like I said, this is about my values and no others. I choose to march to the beat of a different drum. After all, we aren't lemmings.

 

[Shevek]

I'd never heard of an autism group meeting in person. How large a city would I need to withstand to have the option?

 

[Amethystgirl]

I'm not sure how large of a city. But you could look up Asperger or autism on meetup.com However, when I went to a virtual autism group I didn't enjoy it at all.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

There really are no social groups in my area for autistic people or at least ones as independent as I am. The one I looked into had to decline my application as I didn’t need that much help getting resources such as financial aid or transportation.

 

[cooljethro]

I once went to one of these autistic meet ups for gamers and one of the group members in particular was hostile to me, with a condescending and irritable attitude. It put me off ever going again.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The only known autism groups for adults I know of locally involves a typical $30-40 charge per session. That alone turns my stomach, making it unrealistic for me to progress socially under such circum$tances. Making me feel more like someone's prey.

Same reason I have never considered visiting a prostitute. A charge for "a service rendered" and little else when it comes to the human heart.

Friendship and love should not have a price tag associated with it.

Unless the price is justified renting venue supplying, food like a meal.

 

[arithmetic]

I'd never heard of an autism group meeting in person. How large a city would I need to withstand to have the option?

Larger than Cairns, Queensland - that's a fact.
I think I'd have to go to Brisbane - I'd rather die alone in a rural area than live in that atmosphere. The whole thing about paying to meet people you might possibly get along with would bother me a lot - unless I found a real friend there.
I have to face it - I'm really weird - there's nothing I can do about it. My interests are so odd and unusual that I doubt I'll ever meet anyone who is a match regardless of their neurotype. I'm happy with those interests and I'm unhappy in the mainstream.

... dot dot dot ...

It might not depend so much on the size of the city as the character of the city. I've been thinking of returning to Aotearoa (New Zealand) to live in Dunedin. Dunedin probably has the best mental health facilities in the world. There is a publically available arts workshop with lots of equipment; there are group therapy options; and most importantly the city is friendly and the people are sweet.

 

[Lou Laurinen]

My partner and I both used to attend an in-person autism group, that's actually how we met.
But there were a handful of difficulties with it:

1. I hate to word it like this, but we were definitely "higher functioning" than everyone else there... most people couldn't hold a proper conversation, most were living at home with their parents and needed a lot of support, and most only talked about the same repetitive topics over and over and all of the conversations were one-way. Most people weren't particularly worldly or aware of things either. Very different from the conversations I have both with people on this forum, and other autistic friends in real life, so I know that conversations with autistic people can in fact be reciprocal. This was just a skewed subset of people with higher support needs.
I'm not trying to say anything mean, and I'm sorry if this has come across that way. The majority of them were very nice well-meaning people, we just couldn't relate and the interactions were quite awkward.

2. Even with the first point stated, we felt a bit like we were being judged for having more "mainstream" special interests (dogs, sports, farming, construction, travel, home improvement/DIY, art, outdoors, etc.) Everyone else had very oddly specific, niche, off the beaten path types of interests (think along the lines of collecting vintage toaster ovens, obscure movie trivia, 1950s airplanes, furries, etc.)
I'm not in any way saying there's anything wrong with having unusual interests, and very niche specific interests can obviously be cool and fascinating. We just didn't like that the general attitude towards us kind of felt like we "weren't autistic enough." Both of us being very extroverted by nature also put us at odds with some of the personalities in the group.

3. The nail in the coffin for both of us was when I was befriended by a guy who ended up stalking me.
Without going into too much detail, this guy would spam me with upwards of 100 text messages a day, even when I wasn't responding. My partner and I would go somewhere for the day, and then very shortly afterwards the guy would send me a photo indicating that he was at said location. I ended up ceasing communication with him altogether and he continued to spam me with hundreds of messages a day, until I blocked him shortly after. When I blocked him, he used phone number generating apps to continue to contact me. I was absolutely terrified. It got to the point where we brought both of our cars into the shop to make sure they didn't have trackers on them. My parents actually ended up getting involved and even giving a detailed account of this story to the police (not that anything was ever really done about it, but that's another story.)
Thankfully, after we moved a ways out of our previous town, we never saw nor heard from him again. I've gotten mixed responses on whether or not a restraining order or an order of protection would've been necessary, but it's a moot point now as we've never run into him again. Hopefully it stays that way.

The stalking experience was what really ruined it, although we were beginning to feel a bit unwelcome and uncomfortable anyways. Not sure I'll be going to any more "real life" autism groups because I'd worry that it would be more of the same.
Sorry for such an uncharacteristically negative and bitter-toned post, but my experience was overall just not good and I hesitate to sign up for another such group.