Distractions, are not a solution.

[OrdinaryCitizen]

For years i have been finding myself occupied with different hobbies and types of entertainment that consume lots of my time.
Every time i stop doing something i needed to start new thing quick because there's feeling of emptiness and sadness (caused by me not getting what i really want in life) arise quickly.

Today i understood that everything i do with my time it was nothing more than a distraction i created so i don't be in pain all the time.

By keeping myself busy with optional things i was escaping the painful reality of not being able to fulfill my main objective.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Same.

But this is hard to act on it even if we know unfortunatly!

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

Here's a very generalized visualization.

With every distraction that i do ther's generaly 3 month time limit before my body tell me to stop wasting time and focus on real important things, i lose all interest and get no emotional reward from doing an activity in fact quite opposite i feel like i am sitting here doing this thing and my life fly's by i need changes.

Changes are impossible because i have no skills to change anything so i suffer for a while and then find something new to do that will work for next 3 months.

Sometimes i experience very strong motivation like "i am on cutting edge of my life i can take any direction i want from here, i can change everything" then i try thing or two realize again i cannot get what i want because its all takes TIME and EFFORT that i time that i will suffer emotionally because my mind keeps reminding me that i need to fulfill an that "main desire" and i can't or cant now before i reach my more "boring" goal like open business or find a job so its constant emotional pain and only way i know to escape it is to find another distraction for my mind.

Here's an key aspect of distractions they all bring emotional joy of some kind otherwise they would not be efficient so like drug addict i choose to "shoot up" positive emotions from any way available (i don't use physical drugs or alcohol) to hide my sadness from not being able to fulfill my real desires.

Also i am afraid of changes and uncertainty i am stuck in Los Angeles city i don't like i want to live somewhere else, but i am AFRAID to move because i don't know what awaits me there. I know its a false fear because i know my capability to solve problems is great, but i still cannot step over that fear.

10 years ago i moved across the world from another country to US without even planning anything, but now i got softened up.

 

[OkRad]

I just keep plowing along with my special interest, regardless of time, place, feeling, etc. After decades, it now brings me solace, pleasure, companionship, love, security, sense of accomplishment, etc. The power of a special interest over time makes a huge difference to me.

 

[Progster]

For me, it's all about stimulation and keeping my interest level up, and a feeling of having made progress with something, whatever that thing is. I have a kid of fixation about watching numbers or amounts go up or go down, to indicate my progress with something. I have about 4 databases or catalogues in various places for my music collection, and I keep working on it, collecting gives me a feeling of progress and achievement. I get bored and frustrated very easily.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I just keep plowing along with my special interest, regardless of time, place, feeling, etc. After decades, it now brings me solace, pleasure, companionship, love, security, sense of accomplishment, etc. The power of a special interest over time makes a huge difference to me.

I am talking about obsessions with special interests as a way to distract from the pain of not being able to fulfill my main goal.

If you have nothing that troubles you deep down when you stop all you doing and think about your life then you have no unfilled needs, in that case having special interest is just a way to have more fun.

In my case though every time i stop activity i have a sorrow feelings i need to stop so i start on new venture and this is how i deal with it for years.

Here is an example all distractions i take are what bring emotional joy to me, if i do something boring that does not stimulate me emotionally, i always hear inner voice telling me i need to first go and do my "main goal" and if i don't (because i don't know how) it constantly troubles me to the point that i cannot continue what i do. All i know about fixing it is finding a task that distracts me from this feeling and only ones that bring emotional joy work. Many times they are not bring useful to me in a long term like (video games, movies etc), but some distractions are.

 

[Skids]

I am exactly the same Ordinary Citizen.

I know deep down that i am meant to shake free from the shackles of distraction, procrastination, apathy and fear and make that one life fulfilling change that i know is my life goal. Then i can truly feel life has been worth living.

The problem is that i don't know what that goal is yet or how to go about achieving it. When i do spend time trying to figure this out i find it too distressing, as if i'm searching too hard for something and know i'll never find it.

I'm not talking about the meaning of life but my meaning of my life if this makes sense.

When i think too much about it and come up with no answers then i get distressed and then go and do something totally pointless but time consuming and therefore it takes me away from the frustration of not being able to find 'my true goal'.

The feeling inside that i have about this are so intense and convince me that i just need to keep searching and trying however, the year pass for me too and my energy and passion for finding that 'Eureka' moment are waning.

I pursue my 'special interests' (hate that phrase btw) but only because it is easier to do so. They stop me getting frustrated and numb the mundane routine of daily life.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I know deep down that i am meant to shake free from the shackles of distraction, procrastination, apathy and fear and make that one life fulfilling change that i know is my life goal. Then i can truly feel life has been worth living.

The problem is that i don't know what that goal is yet or how to go about achieving it. When i do spend time trying to figure this out i find it too distressing, as if i'm searching too hard for something and know i'll never find it.

Its common for our society to over complicate things e.g. there some popular philosophy stating "we humans are so complex being no one can fully understand themselves even if they spend like time trying" etc. really this is wrong thinking pattern that although sounds very wise and make us feel special does no practical good.

The way i understand many things and solve many tasks is by peeling all this unnecessary layers of complexities until i see the very basic picture, and then its obvious what the problem is, i believe with humans its no different.

Also another problem is lies we tell to ourselves, i've been telling myself that i don't need no one, i am good by myself, i am different than others.

Well now i see all this way excuses i come up to deal with pain of rejection, but everyone should come to this on their own, me telling others just makes them angry because its goes against what they believe...

Another thing is that you need to listen to your body (subconsciousness and feelings) then you know what it wants and can get it. I also ignored my inner voice for a long time its part of living in our society you have to fit in no matter what and we sacrifice a lot of our personality to be accepted.

Well i did all that and never got anywhere just messed myself up.

What i really want is simple something i wanted in 1st grade or pre-school, to have friends. its trough to explain without making this too long. At least this is what my body tells me, once i get that i will see if theres anything else, but i clearly see this is the task at hand right now.

It could be not goal of my life (but it certainly bothers me the most right now) just a consequence of sensory deprivation that been dragging for years because i have no clue how to connect with people in any way other than "professional relationship".

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

For everyone who come here with idea i am bashing on the hobby or special interests, let me clarify this topic is not about that.

I am talking about using any special interests as distractions from when you have some urge inside you cannot fulfill you cannot bear the emotional pain because your body push you for it and you cannot get there so its constant pressure. Bby doing something else i distract from that painful feeling, and for me this become addiction that drags over many years, i distracted my mind with tasks i dive into, but at the end of the day even 10+ years later i am still back to square one i still experience same desire stronger and stronger its screaming in my head now, but i dont know what to do so i do what i used to switch my mind to something else.

So i am using my hobby as distraction. this is inefficient behavior this is what the key idea of this topic.

Yes i have learned and experienced positive effect of activities i did, but its not the point, because when i stop anything i do i return to the painful feeling again, i want to fix that so i when my mind is at rest i will not suffer but be calm and be at piece with myself when not doing anything!

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

Okay more though on the subject, so you could understand what it feels like...

Say if you in love and your partner breaks up with you and moves out. Then you experience a feeling that nothing else in the world matter other than that persona and you must stop everything you are doing and go get them back.
There's also a feeling of having done something for too long, like when you focus on one task and keep doing it every day like a junkie because you get pleasure out of doing it, but if you keep doing it too long your body will signal to you that you had too much of that, namely i feel something like total lose of interest to that activity and even feeling of being sick and tired of this.

Feeling i am getting when i stop doing everything is something in between of this two feelings.
I cannot make myself do anything productive that does not provide immediate positive emotions because my body blocks me from doing it it needs me to go and do what it prioritized for me first. Only way out of this is either do it or occupy my mind with something that brings emotional joy, last one which is temporary solution, because pattern repeats i lose interest to it over time.