Discipline With Neurotypical Twin

[Jondiaz1985]

hey everyone. I’m new here and just looking for some advice.

We have 4yo twins. One atypical and one neurotypical. While our atypical is doing great, the neurotypical is acting out a lot. While we work very hard to keep things as equal as possible between them, she just seems constantly think that her sister is favored because she gets to go to school more 4 days/week (the neurotypical gets to go 2 days with her sister) and has OT and such.

Has anyone else experienced something similar and can help is with some things to try?

 

[tree]

I am confused about who's doing what.

Who goes to school 2 days?
Who goes to school 4 days?

 

[Jondiaz1985]

Neurotypical - 2 days at regular pre-school
Atypical - 2 days at regular pre-school, 2 days at ESD pre-school, 1 day at OT

 

[tree]

OK.
So the NT envies her sister going to school more days.
Figures she's is having more fun, apparently.
More fun than staying at home.
Gets to be a big girl and do things away from home...
aka have more fun/status.



What sort of "acting out" is going on ?

 

[Nervous Rex]

How about commensurate or compensatory attention? E.g., when the ND twin goes to school, the NT child gets a special activity.

Story time:

I have friend with NT twin girls, and he complained to me one day that as soon as he gets home, both girls start vying for his attention. They tried to outdo each other, to steal attention from each other. I recommended to him a practice my uncle (a school psychologist) taught me about:​

Spend dedicated time each week with each child. Once a week, set aside a time to do an activity alone with each child. That can be going out for ice cream, playing at a park, playing a board game or card game - anything that your child enjoys. The key is that you're sending the message that, "I'm taking this time with you because you're important to me."​

A few weeks later, my friend came back to me and said it's the best advice he ever got. He spends some dedicated time each week with each child. Each girl knows she's going to get this guaranteed exclusive time and they stopped fighting for attention as soon as he got home.

My own experience: We used to do this with our children, and call them "dates". Each child knew that they'd get a date with Mom and a date with Dad, regularly. Our kids are older and we've gotten so busy that we've dropped the ball. But a year or two ago, I decided I needed to take some time to talk to each child individually. I started weekly "interviews" where I ask them about everything going on in their lives, and let them talk about whatever they want. I thought I was just awkwardly muddling my way through, but our children love it and demand interviews if I forget. I think it's because that's their individual, exclusive time.​

So, your time with the NT twin doesn't have to be when the ND is at school, but it has to be some time that he knows is dedicated, exclusive time for him. I'd recommend trying that - once he knows that he's important enough for Mom and/or Dad to take individual, exclusive time with him, comparison and jealousy should go away.