LunaAurum
New Member
I'm really just posting this here to vent because this frustration has been building ever since I got diagnosed 1.5 year ago and it's reaching the point where I need to find a way to blow the steam.
I suspect I'm not the only one dealing with this, but I am so frustrated and exhausted by the ongoing, relentless lack of understanding from people around me whenever I remotely try to assert what I need to make my life easier with autism. I hold it all in because I DO understand that they can't change how they see things as neurotypicals any more than I can stop having autism. I get that they're not evil or trying to be mean. My diagnosis is harder for them to accept than for myself because they don't live inside my head, they only know the person they saw on the outside (and frankly it's obvious that they much prefer that person to the 'real', autistic me).
So I do not take out my frustration on them, but I am so, so disappointed that the 'help' and 'acceptance' everyone assures they will give you actually doesn't often pan out in real life. Sure, they SAY it but then whenever I actually make a change or devise a plan for coping with certain issues in my life, they act like it's silly, or pointless or weird and they do as little to support it as they can. Even though they do love me, it's clear that they absolutely do not want to deal with my autism at all, aside from going 'yay you're autistic we still love you', pat me on the back and walk away. Right now, I have managed to work almost nonstop for months to reach an income where I can afford some help with household work (because I have always had severe struggles with organization and clutter and I just want help to keep things nice, I CAN'T do it by myself, it's always overwhelming me). But my family is really negative about it, like I'm being frivolous and wasting money because I don't WANT to clean or something. I am so hurt and fed up of that attitude. I believed my whole life I was maybe lazy and dumb because it took 36 years to figure out it was AUTISM and executive dysfunction, so now I am doing whatever I can to just have a decent, non-miserable life and home. Yet I'm still stuck being judged by people who love me because they just don't GET IT.
I'm so tired of trying to nicely and painstakingly explain that I am IMPAIRED in many ways. I don't like it, I didn't choose it and I wish it wouldn't affect me in those ways any more than THEY do. I'm not trying to be dramatic, or high-maintenance, I just want to actually enjoy my life a bit by getting HELP I need and not being stuck hiding alone in crisis mode all the damn time. But every time I actually reach for any actual help that's more than cutesy talk, there it is: People think I'm 'high-maintenance' and difficult.
At this point I am planning to move to live by myself and pretty much only deal with people on a professional or more superficial level because I don't really believe in this 'acceptance' thing anymore and I'm tired of looking for it. I just want to exist and do my thing without having to apologize for everything I need or feeling guilty because I'm 'inconvenient'.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just so, so fed up and got nobody to talk to about it.
I suspect I'm not the only one dealing with this, but I am so frustrated and exhausted by the ongoing, relentless lack of understanding from people around me whenever I remotely try to assert what I need to make my life easier with autism. I hold it all in because I DO understand that they can't change how they see things as neurotypicals any more than I can stop having autism. I get that they're not evil or trying to be mean. My diagnosis is harder for them to accept than for myself because they don't live inside my head, they only know the person they saw on the outside (and frankly it's obvious that they much prefer that person to the 'real', autistic me).
So I do not take out my frustration on them, but I am so, so disappointed that the 'help' and 'acceptance' everyone assures they will give you actually doesn't often pan out in real life. Sure, they SAY it but then whenever I actually make a change or devise a plan for coping with certain issues in my life, they act like it's silly, or pointless or weird and they do as little to support it as they can. Even though they do love me, it's clear that they absolutely do not want to deal with my autism at all, aside from going 'yay you're autistic we still love you', pat me on the back and walk away. Right now, I have managed to work almost nonstop for months to reach an income where I can afford some help with household work (because I have always had severe struggles with organization and clutter and I just want help to keep things nice, I CAN'T do it by myself, it's always overwhelming me). But my family is really negative about it, like I'm being frivolous and wasting money because I don't WANT to clean or something. I am so hurt and fed up of that attitude. I believed my whole life I was maybe lazy and dumb because it took 36 years to figure out it was AUTISM and executive dysfunction, so now I am doing whatever I can to just have a decent, non-miserable life and home. Yet I'm still stuck being judged by people who love me because they just don't GET IT.
I'm so tired of trying to nicely and painstakingly explain that I am IMPAIRED in many ways. I don't like it, I didn't choose it and I wish it wouldn't affect me in those ways any more than THEY do. I'm not trying to be dramatic, or high-maintenance, I just want to actually enjoy my life a bit by getting HELP I need and not being stuck hiding alone in crisis mode all the damn time. But every time I actually reach for any actual help that's more than cutesy talk, there it is: People think I'm 'high-maintenance' and difficult.
At this point I am planning to move to live by myself and pretty much only deal with people on a professional or more superficial level because I don't really believe in this 'acceptance' thing anymore and I'm tired of looking for it. I just want to exist and do my thing without having to apologize for everything I need or feeling guilty because I'm 'inconvenient'.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just so, so fed up and got nobody to talk to about it.