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Depressed

F

Frostee

Well-Known Member
Hello, this is mainly for ranting and letting off steam.
Basically I am 18 and attend school at year upper sixth. So I am just about finishing my A levels. Today was my last day at school before the exams. I have been wishing for this day all year, then when it happens and I go out the door for the last time I start to feel really sad. I have been depressed all day and can't get over it, I hate moving on and I hate change. People seem to enjoy 'moving on' but I actually hate it and think its pointless.. I have no friends at all. I am pretty good looking and pretty normal. I don't understand why I don't have friends, my classmates think i'm odd because I don't speak and all I do is sit there. I find it hard to speak and think its awful that I am in this position. I am running out of places to go to make friends and I am very worried. I have tried everyone and today my mum told me to speak to my next door neighbour and get her number to keep in contact and her response was 'why would you want my number?' as if to say 'I don't want to text you go away', but of course she gave me her number. I was hurt and I was going to ask other people but I didn't bother. So now I am finished school with no friends and only about two people to text who don't care about me or what i'm about. They aren't interested in what I have to talk about and just give me short answers. I am really, really sad and depressed and can't understand what put me in this position, I remember having loads of friends in primary school and then when I moved to secondary school I just couldn't make friends. I am moving onto a new stage of my life and really really don't want to spend it alone as I feel unwanted and uninteresting. :( I am going to try an Aspergers group next week as a last resort but really I'm not sure it will work.. I don't want to seem clingy or obsessed with making friends either but all I want is to be wanted.

Its really hard to cope with and I don't want to live my life like this anymore. I just can't stick it.
 
I hope that communication with us on Aspies Central can be helpful. YOu could post on the "How Are You Feeling Today" thread, as that is the thread where members share their feelings about stuff like this, and a great deal of support is expressed by other members on that thread.
 
Sounds like you're grumpy. Howdy! I hated high school and couldn't get out quick enough. I did have one friend (wait, actually two) that I kept for awhile after. I made new friends when I got a job. Then I went to community college and dove into schoolwork so I was either busy or had a few friends. Try finding a job and taking a few college courses. That would be a good place to start.
 
You are definitely wanted here Frostee! We need each other. Life with Asperger's can feel like pure hell for me too. My working memory and executive functioning is terrible. Plus I had a late diagnosis at age 46, only after having to withdraw from an expensive and intense pharmacy tech program. It is probably the best in Canada but I did not make it.

Growing up before the Austrian pediatrician's work was translated to English made me feel like an outsider for ages not knowing why I was different or why I could not interact with others, even in a team situation. My pragmatic thinking skills were terrible, and my memories of high school are often filled with fear and negative feelings, though I scored in the 90s academically overall.
 
Hello,

If I was not such a shut in I could have made friends during my Bachelor's, but with a smaller group of students I did make friends in my Masters and found it easier to talk to other students instead of just sitting there. I also found that living with others helps a bit with that, but that has its pros and cons. Pros I have to talk to people on a daily basis and socialize, con I do not talk to them about my personal life and I do not particularly like living with others (noise, bubble, comfort, and security issues). And there is always AC :)
 
If you go to the Aspergers group, it might actually be in your benefit to be honest and upfront about your concerns, but also state that you are willing to do your best to work through all the ups and downs, all the confusion, and you will take all the help you can get to be a better person. Friendships don't just "happen" because there does need to be communication involved. People can't know you unless you do communicate. Since it's hard for you to talk in-person at first, maybe finding forums like this where you do talk online is a good start. Then if you are talking with someone online near you and you happen to make a connection, then you might feel more comfortable risking in-person communication. Most people don't like change 100% unless they just went through a bad experience with what's changing. Reality sets in though and that no matter what you're doing, some change will have to occur. We have to find ways to deal with our situations, and that's the best we can do. Even if we grow, many people are still going to be cruel. It doesn't mean that you stop trying to learn and integrate. You can take breaks. But, do your part the best that you can, and don't let others walk all over you.

I'm glad your mum cares about you, but I wonder how much she understands aspergers or how to try to help you to ask you to just ask someone for their number. The age and sex of your neighbor could matter. If the neighbor is married, working independently, if he or she is much older than you or even much younger than you, that could make a difference in communication too. Not everything is under your control, keep that in mind, but just keep trying to find people that are more accepting or more similar to you. So if you live under your parents, try to find others who are in that same situation with similar enough interests or personality types. You find out about interests by asking them what they are interested in. If you don't know what to ask, and if they aren't asking too much, then just say you have to go. You can always start another conversation with them a week later or so and see how and if they respond after that. If it's not too much for you, try to talk with more than one person and just asks about their interests. Don't ask for their contact information unless they seem to have enough in common with you. Good luck.
 
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