Defensive mechanism

[Turk]

When the world challenges me, either on, what I say, what I do, or what I think, I have an automatic response. My immediate response is to defend my actions. Its a primal response with no real thought, at that point. Once I have distance on an event, I may change this opinion, but it leaves me with more ground to make up, than if I just remained passive and non committal. Its almost like im saying im not going to validate that statement, without proof. Its a trait that puts many offside, and has me not feeling to great about it later. It feels like, that because of the ground ive already given up, im trying to defend whats left of me. Does anyone else find themselves defending actions, as a reflex response to certain situations.

 

[Christy]

I've felt the need to defend/justify myself my whole life, very much a product of my upbringing. It is a relatively new thing for me to have realised that in many cases, my decisions and my actions are mine to choose, and I should not have to justify or defend myself at all (I'm not talking about anything illegal or that hurts or effects other people). I recall you commenting your family is similar to mine when it comes to expectations and how they exact them...

Perhaps if you stop and ask yourself if the person addressing you has any right to do so AND has your interests at heart, then that would give you the impetous to listen or be non-committal as each case requires??

I just know that being brought up in a family with very specific expectations has caused me to feel the need to justify everything, and now when anyone questions my thoughts / actions / what I've said, I feel like it's an attack or that I need to justify myself to them. Often instead of justifying myself, a more appropriate response would be to nicely thank them for their opinion but let them know their opinion is not really valued, or to listen as they may have a valid point, but tell them I will consider it further.

 

[Vanilla]

I can relate to the both of you, definitely. I'd have to say that I do sometimes react in this sort of knee-jerk sort of way, but am sometimes able to catch myself before it happens.

I suppose I've come to be used to my family also causing me to act out like this from time to time, but somehow you never actually get used to it too. Some days I can switch off my emotional responses, and simply respond in my robotic, monotone, and analytical stance; which can weird people out, but allows me to remain calm.

Sometimes I decide that a more emotional response is required, because as much as I don't like to react emotionally to others, I've also learned that some people simply won't take you seriously, until they realise you're upset; which is frustrating. It's like they are waiting for you to react, and show yourself. My sister's definitely a common offender to this, although she has been much better since I discovered my new-found Aspieness.