Declaration of face value communication.

[Jumpinbare]

I would not thought it necessary to say this in an Asperger/autism forum. But two people on two different autism forums have harshly criticized me for things I did not say.

In both cases, the individuals built a superstructure of assumptions on top of my simple statements, then took offense and criticized me for their assumptions.

So, let it here be known that what @Jumpinbare writes, is what he (I) means.

If you don't understand something I say, look up the definition of the unclear word(s) or ask me.

There's way too much negativity in the world. We don't need to create more negativity here with invalid assumptions.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm sorry you had to experience that. I've had that happen too.

 

[marc_101]

Don't take it too seriously. Maybe they did not read your post carefully. They may be going through a rough time... So many reasons.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I would not thought it necessary to say this in an Asperger/autism forum. But two people on two different autism forums have harshly criticized me for things I did not say.

In both cases, the individuals built a superstructure of assumptions on top of my simple statements, then took offense and criticized me for their assumptions.

So, let it here be known that what @Jumpinbare writes, is what he (I) means.

If you don't understand something I say, look up the definition of the unclear word(s) or ask me.

There's way too much negativity in the world. We don't need to create more negativity here with invalid assumptions.

A classic example of how, as a reader or receiver of information, cognitive bias and a lack of cognitive empathy can cause misunderstandings and conflicts. It's so easy to fall into your own cognitive trap and make a fool of yourself, if not a full-on argument that need not have happened. Something that, as autistics, can get us into a bit of trouble, whether in real life or online, whether you are a reader or posting replies.

It may not have been your fault @Jumpinbare, but I have found it useful to introduce a specific context and perspective when posting situational content. If I am generalizing, I will say that I am generalizing, letting the reader know that it may not be true for every situation.

As autistics, it is useful in understanding how we may be coming off to people. It's an important life skill that neurotypicals often have without thinking, but something that many autistics struggle with, or worse, are oblivious to. Nobody likes being misunderstood and/or falsely accused. It's certainly one of my top "pet peeves" throughout my life, and am rather sensitive to this.

 

[Fino]

It's common to read a simple statement and not take it literally, not accepting it to mean exactly what you said. I don't mean to criticize this other user. They seem like a lovely person. But one recent example is that I said something, "It's unfortunate that so many people are opposed to medical treatment."

He responded, "Medication is not always the answer."

That doesn't respond to what I said at all. It contradicts it because "so many people" certainly doesn't refer to "always."

Again, I don't mean ill will by saying this, I just happen to have an example handy.

 

[jsilver256]

It's common to read a simple statement and not take it literally, not accepting it to mean exactly what you said. I don't mean to criticize this other user. They seem like a lovely person. But one recent example is that I said something, "It's unfortunate that so many people are opposed to medical treatment."

He responded, "Medication is not always the answer."

That doesn't respond to what I said at all. It contradicts it because "so many people" certainly doesn't refer to "always."

Again, I don't mean ill will by saying this, I just happen to have an example handy.

We not only feel personally attacked when we see different opinions, we also come across incorrectly to others because we don't have the ability to see how we ourselves to come off. The paths seem to end up at either "outside observer" as described in a thread here today or embracing the inner jerk like Elon Musk does.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't seem to get into the same social trouble offline as I do online. I think it might be because with everyone I know offline I share the same culture and background with, generally. But online I find people can be more sensitive about things I didn't even know were offensive. The social expectations online seem different to offline. Also I think it comes from impulsive posting (or an addiction to internet forums) and the need to express my thoughts anonymously.

 

[Levitator]

Many times you may think that there's an absolute way of interpreting something, and there isn't; it can be viewed from a number of perspectives, and from an endless number of contexts and settings. The problem that arises is when one side of the dialogue thinks itself too superior to reason or converse in order to align perspectives, or at least agree that there is confusion. Guess which side that usually is when conversing with the general public?

What I can't stand is when people look at you like you're an idiot, and then they stomp away, having never bothered to ask you to refine what you meant. They think that anything that doesn't obviously make sense or flow the way they expect means the speaker is a bum or a fool.

 

[Levitator]

Continuing on the topic of the general public, I suspect that's actually the really naive way of looking at it, because the causality is reversed, and people start from the premise that your style is wonked out, and the first time you say something that doesn't instantly jive with them, they have their pretext to walk away from you like you're a houseplant pretending at sentience.

 

[Misty Avich]

This reminds me of a time when I made an innocuous comment on another forum and two people got offended and accused me of victim blaming even though I wasn't. I think it's more annoying when you make a comment, maybe about something you're worrying about in your personal life that you want to share, and then others make it about themselves and accuse you of "victim blaming", "grooming" or other derogatory accusations. And instead of explaining to you what you might have said wrong, they just scream at you and hate you, leaving you wondering what on earth you had written that was so wrong. I had to go back and carefully dissect my short post to see where I went wrong. I even got a neurotypical to help me dissect it, but even they couldn't see what I had written was so wrong.
Then a couple of weeks later I finally got it, and noticed how they could have interpreted it, but I think it was them being too fussy and seeing insults that aren't there. Because what I wrote didn't need to be taken the wrong way like that, especially that what I'd written was about myself and my personal experience, not about them or anyone else.

Note to mods: This was nothing to do with political correctness.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Jumpinbare: I accept that what you write is what you mean, no more and no less.

I have that problem too and sometimes end up qualifying my statements with so many qualifiers I don't even know what I said anymore.

 

[Au Naturel]

In both cases, the individuals built a superstructure of assumptions on top of my simple statements, then took offense and criticized me for their assumptions.

That's not something you have any control over.

Because of identity politics, people frequently identify one position and deduce a person's entire political and philosophical structure. It makes unsupported assumptions, eliminates diversity of thought, and is colored by the other person's biases. It's a lot easier than treating everyone with respect.

A lot of people look for the negative because it reinforces a belief that the world is all wrong—except for them and their echo chamber.

 

[marc_101]

Jumpinbare: I accept that what you write is what you mean, no more and no less.

I have that problem too and sometimes end up qualifying my statements with so many qualifiers I don't even know what I said anymore.

It gets tricky participating in forums. I re-read what I write many times to make sure that the "tone" is right, but I'm sure that my answers sound different in my head than the head of the reader. Emojis help, too

 

[Misty Avich]

It gets tricky participating in forums. I re-read what I write many times to make sure that the "tone" is right, but I'm sure that my answers sound different in my head than the head of the reader. Emojis help, too

Yes, if I worry that what I post might come across as sarcastic I usually add a smiley face emoticon or something. Although sometimes that doesn't always work. I remember on a rat forum I asked how I could discipline my rats more, and someone replied "put them in the naughty corner for 5 minutes" followed by a standard smiley face emoticon. It sounded to me like what they were really saying was "you can't discipline rats like you can children, what a silly question." But if they had put a laughing emoticon or "lol" after then I'd most likely interpreted as a way of saying "yeah, rats can be so naughty, I wish we could discipline them this way".

For an Aspie (I prefer to be referred to as Aspie) I'm not bad at reading between the lines at all. In fact I'm so drawn to reading between the lines that I'm often looking for it rather than just taking what I'm reading at face value.

Edit: Oh, but I guess it depends on who I'm dealing with. Most people I can trust, even online, but if I have had hostile incidents with people before then my trust wears thin and I just look for hidden meanings and emotions. So it's more about trust with me, and I always have a good reason if I don't trust someone. It's difficult to explain. I am not one of those people you have to be careful of everything you say. But once someone has shown hostile or bullying behaviour, I lose trust in them and think they're out to get me. I guess it's just a survival thing when living with anxiety and having been bullied in the past.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

It gets tricky participating in forums. I re-read what I write many times to make sure that the "tone" is right, but I'm sure that my answers sound different in my head than the head of the reader. Emojis help, too

I have gotten in trouble using emojis, too. The only one I can reliably use is the smiley face. I have been courageously branching out to sometimes use the wink and very rarely the surprised one . But as I am still unsure about the latter, you see I added a smiley face to it, just in case.

 

[Judge]

I have gotten in trouble using emojis, too. The only one I can reliably use is the smiley face. I have been courageously branching out to sometimes use the wink and very rarely the surprised one . But as I am still unsure about the latter, you see I added a smiley face to it, just in case.

Over the years here I've learned not to be too quick in analyzing how or why people use emojis.

Where in a number of cases I had to understand people better by assessing how they used them over time. To see patterns of responses that best explained when the use of an emoji puzzled me. Making me realize that they could well be thinking the same of myself.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Over the years here I've learned not to be too quick in analyzing how or why people use emojis.

Where in a number of cases I had to understand people better by assessing how they used them over time. To see patterns of responses that best explained when the use of an emoji puzzled me. Making me realize that they could well be thinking the same of myself.

I think what you are saying is that you, over time, can see patterns in people's use of emojis (or for that matter words) and the patterns are helpful in understanding what the person really means.

I certainly can see this, as I use patterns as well, to get to know people.