Deciding to be single

[tree]

It seems to me that with the final sentence of the first post
the OP implies other people should share their experiences
regarding the choice of being single.

 

[TheName]

You have to find to be happy Yourself/ single to be happy in any kind of relationship

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

despite my attempts in “putting myself out there”, I just returned to my room alone.

So, the ways you are putting yourself out there are not working. Why aren't you eliminating the things that don't work and looking to try different ways to connect?

 

[Luca]

I'm choosing to be single as well. I think I will be a lot happier this way in the long run.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

A few months ago I decided it's best for me to stay single long term.

[...]

Just thought I'd share this update here. Maybe some of you have made this choice too.

I definitely relate to this. I'm not against a relationship in principle, but don't feel the interest anymore. So much to lose, so little to gain.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I'm choosing to be single as well. I think I will be a lot happier this way in the long run.

And, to me you seem like a strong woman who looks within herself for her emotional needs. Ideal for being single and self actualizing. i just hope you have friends to help you in need.

 

[Luca]

And, to me you seem like a strong woman who looks within herself for her emotional needs. Ideal for being single and self actualizing. i just hope you have friends to help you in need.

Thanks
I do have some close friends, fortunately, but I don’t have the support network in real life that I do on here. A lot of people in my life just don’t get it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thanks
I do have some close friends, fortunately, but I don’t have the support network in real life that I do on here. A lot of people in my life just don’t get it.

We are lucky here to be part of an accepting community. I am fortunate to have close friends in real life. One came over to switch the mower deck for a snowblower on my Kubota tractor when I still can't work with heavy equipment.

 

[Luca]

We are lucky here to be part of an accepting community. I am fortunate to have close friends in real life. One came over to switch the mower deck for a snowblower on my Kubota tractor when I still can't work with heavy equipment.

I have a handful of close friends in real life but my best friend is really the only one who would go above and beyond for me like that. I sometimes just wish he understood more about autism.

Most of my irl friends are more “fun” friends than a support network, if that makes sense. I also have a whole lot of acquaintances but I don’t trust most people to get close to me.

That’s very nice that your friend did that!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have a handful of close friends in real life but my best friend is really the only one who would go above and beyond for me like that. I sometimes just wish he understood more about autism.

Most of my irl friends are more “fun” friends than a support network, if that makes sense. I also have a whole lot of acquaintances but I don’t trust most people to get close to me.

That’s very nice that your friend did that!

The close friends I have, for over 37 years, have always pitched in to help each other. We have run safety for each other in running whitewater, helped through injuries, mourned with them, traveled together, and enjoyed adventure.

One trip I made with two friends to Utah had us bringing back nearly 3,000 lbs of mineral and fossil specimens.

 

[GypsyMoth]

The close friends I have, for over 37 years, ...

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a friend for that long. That's pretty amazing, @Gerald Wilgus.

... have always pitched in to help each other. We have run safety for each other in running whitewater, helped through injuries, mourned with them, traveled together, and enjoyed adventure.

You guys went through life together.

I suppose, for someone deciding to be single, that an important consideration would be having a network of people around you with whom you could go though life with together.

 

[Owliet]

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a friend for that long. That's pretty amazing, @Gerald Wilgus.

You guys went through life together.

I suppose, for someone deciding to be single, that an important consideration would be having a network of people around you with whom you could go though life with together.

Yes, I’m always amazed with people having long term friendships. Mine never really last that long. Which is quite sad….

It is important to build up the network of people, but for some (like me) it has be started from scratch as I don’t have anyone outside of immediate family, so even that can be tricky.

 

[GypsyMoth]

Yes, I’m always amazed with people having long term friendships. Mine never really last that long. Which is quite sad….

It is important to build up the network of people, but for some (like me) it has be started from scratch as I don’t have anyone outside of immediate family, so even that can be tricky.

My grandfather used to tell us as children, "family looks out for family," and similar sayings. I think my family has demonstrated that principle well over the years.

I do have a couple of other close friends I've known for years. In both cases, they treat me like family and I them--although, we're not at all as close as @Gerald Wilgus has described. With my new friend, it's taken me four years to go from passing acquaintanceship to friendship. I think it's going to work out because she treats me like family, too. So maybe there comes a point in making friends--at least for me--where their long-term durability has something to do with transferring that feeling of being like family. I don't know. But it does take a lot more work and personal investment (and risk of rejection) than family does. Family sort of fills in the gaps with things left unsaid in a way that friends aren't always able to.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My grandfather used to tell us as children, "family looks out for family," and similar sayings. I think my family has demonstrated that principle well over the years.

I do have a couple of other close friends I've known for years. In both cases, they treat me like family and I them--although, we're not at all as close as @Gerald Wilgus has described. With my new friend, it's taken me four years to go from passing acquaintanceship to friendship. I think it's going to work out because she treats me like family, too. So maybe there comes a point in making friends--at least for me--where their long-term durability has something to do with transferring that feeling of being like family. I don't know. But it does take a lot more work and personal investment (and risk of rejection) than family does. Family sort of fills in the gaps with things left unsaid in a way that friends aren't always able to.

Friends are the family you choose.

 

[Magna]

Women choosing to be single will be in far greater company in the near future than at any other time previously in the modern world. I saw a stat recently: 45% of women who are now between the ages of 25-45 are predicted to be single and childless. The prediction is so strong that major investment firms such as Morgan Stanley are investing now in wine, cat food and anti-aging related products.

Should that startling prediction come to pass, anyone worried about overpopulation should be able to rest easy and not worry a bit about it.

 

[Nitro]

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a friend for that long. That's pretty amazing,

I have one friend that has been in my life for 56 years.
Lisa works with level 3 auties, so she actually is also someone who understands us because she is one on one with them.

Another one for 42 who worked with me when we both were involved in an outfit that built quadrapole mass spectrometers.
At the time, we were known for building the best in the world.

My 30 year friend and I maintain very close contact, often conversing several times a month.

 

[foliodoe]

I've been single for a little over a year now. It's hard. I get lonely all the time. I hate sleeping alone.

Being someone's boyfriend is hard work, though. It demands a lot of effort.
Being in love is so much fun, though! That's what makes life interesting to me. So this has been a difficult time and a very boring one too. But I won't accept anything less than someone who loves me for who I really am. I'm not willing to put on an act for anyone ever again. So I can live without romance as long as I have to, as long as it means I get to remain true to myself. Maybe my patience will be rewarded.

 

[foliodoe]

The prediction is so strong that major investment firms such as Morgan Stanley are investing now in wine, cat food and anti-aging related products.

I love everything about this. Sign me up.

 

[grommet]

A few months ago I decided it's best for me to stay single long term. This was after a year looking for a relationship. I have health problems, currently no job and unable to live independently. I feel it wouldn't be possible to have a good relationship with someone unless I ever sort out my own situation and become more independent. My last relationship was a codependent type of one and I don't want to repeat that again.

I spent the past three months focusing on finding happiness and fulfillment by myself. Interacting with single men is much easier now because I'm no longer desperately seeking a partner and I guess I'm more relaxed overall.

Just thought I'd share this update here. Maybe some of you have made this choice too.

I hope it is making you feel better.

I was with my love for eight years. Because of the hurt I felt I do not want to be in another relationship. There were many incredibly wonderful times too and it was very worth it to me. Before I was with her I always wanted a a girlfriend. It hurt me all the time when I would think about it. I was lonely and wanted so much to love someone and be with them. After being with her all the things I wondered about, about relationships, I knew about. So I do not have those questions any more and I do not feel the need or desire for a girlfriend.

My brain annoys me because it still thinks about sex, I really wish it wouldn't. It is off-topic for me to mention it but I always thought sex was stupid. I understood the attraction and it was wonderful but it when I had that feeling of attraction it built until I could not think of anything else and logic went away, the we had sex and my brain came back to normal and I could think again and did not desire sex. Then later the desire would come back like I never had it.

 

[Luca]

Rehashing certain triggers today has made me feel even better about choosing to be single. Ugh
Now I need to go eat chocolate and watch mindless TV or something to cleanse my brain. I've done enough processing for today.