Deciding to be single

[Primrose]

A few months ago I decided it's best for me to stay single long term. This was after a year looking for a relationship. I have health problems, currently no job and unable to live independently. I feel it wouldn't be possible to have a good relationship with someone unless I ever sort out my own situation and become more independent. My last relationship was a codependent type of one and I don't want to repeat that again.

I spent the past three months focusing on finding happiness and fulfillment by myself. Interacting with single men is much easier now because I'm no longer desperately seeking a partner and I guess I'm more relaxed overall.

Just thought I'd share this update here. Maybe some of you have made this choice too.

 

[SacredHeart]

Hey,

I’m In limbo but can completely relate to this.
I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years ( I was 19) and this week we’ve decided to break up….the pain was unbearable for both so we have decided to un-cohabitate.

Mainly because my lack of executive functioning allowed me to get into debt which my partner feels betrayed by and when I have a melt done I’m verbally vicious….but if I’m honest I think it may be easier to break up.

It was defo a co dependant relationship but also if you can have tolerance for me for 14 years how can you be so quick to give up on me now we are learning I may be ASD1 and I’m actively seeking help to learn more and communicate my feeling better….

I feel betrayed and let down.

To working on ourselves

 

[Jordy]

I am also making the decision to stay single

 

[AprilR]

Me too. Women are expected to be very social, talkative etc. Where i live, as well as be the perfect house wife and have children and also hold Jobs which is impossibly hard for me and i don't want anyone to drain me. And also even my friendships were copendent type so i can't even imagine how it would be if i were to have a relationship.

 

[Heidi M.]

Me too. But I have been married and divorced several times...each time I felt like iron bars came around me and i could no longer just be me.. have my down time and had so much expected of me. These men were not assholes or abusive, they were kind enough, but for me too needy. So for 10 years i have been single and happier than ever. However, i live with two people that are both male and very friendly. This helps me not to be lonely and to not become a hermit. I get to do what i want and have pretty much all the down time i want, definitely what i need. Living with others can be challenging, if it's platonic, then i think it's a healthy challenge. It also helps me grow and learn how to have boundaries, be myself in front of others without masking. I think if i had to live all alone, I wouldn't be so happy and healthy. I'm 56 years old now.

 

[Owliet]

A few months ago I decided it's best for me to stay single long term. This was after a year looking for a relationship. I have health problems, currently no job and unable to live independently. I feel it wouldn't be possible to have a good relationship with someone unless I ever sort out my own situation and become more independent. My last relationship was a codependent type of one and I don't want to repeat that again.

I spent the past three months focusing on finding happiness and fulfillment by myself. Interacting with single men is much easier now because I'm no longer desperately seeking a partner and I guess I'm more relaxed overall.

Just thought I'd share this update here. Maybe some of you have made this choice too.

No harm there. You do what you Think is best for you and find happiness and fulfillment in anyway. I have been single pretty much most of my life without any form of a long term relationship, sometimes I get a bit sad about it but I do find it a good way to find happiness in other areas. I have to work on myself first before I even consider a relationship at the moment.=)

 

[Knower of nothing]

"Those who don't seek, find" may apply here haha. Have you thought about what you'd do if a relationship opportunity came into your life on its own? Stick to your decision?

 

[Primrose]

Have you thought about what you'd do if a relationship opportunity came into your life on its own? Stick to your decision?

I believe I would stick to this decision. I would only consider a relationship if my situation and health have improved and I can live independently again.

 

[Primrose]

I’m In limbo but can completely relate to this.
I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years ( I was 19) and this week we’ve decided to break up….the pain was unbearable for both so we have decided to un-cohabitate.

14 years is a long time to be in a relationship. If the pain was unbearable sounds like you made a good decision to un-cohabitate. It's a huge change for you though. Wishing you well with everything.

 

[NDR2]

I have mixed feelings. Part of me wants a relationship, but I think it might be better to stay single in order to avoid the heartbreaking feelings that come from a failed relationship. Even if I stay single, I’d love to have a friend to be affectionate with - or a few.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

i'm happily single as i seem to be,now i'm living that life using whatever means necessary,based on what interests me.

 

[Magna]

I think it's certainly a personal choice if someone wants to be single and I don't think they should be judged for it in a negative way. From what I read/see, the important thing in singlehood, especially the older a person gets is to have a support network of family and friends as much as possible.

I have read about and I've listened to podcasts that say that single women (divorced which is usually initiated by them from my understanding) over age 50-60 report being unhappy and lonely as a group. But who knows, maybe for every study, poll, etc that concludes such things there are probably studies and polls that say the same group is happy and contented. Relationships, friendships, etc apparently tend to dwindle in general when a person becomes older so maybe for some it's crushingly lonely being single.

 

[Outdated]

My sister harassed me once about always being single, I told her I have nothing against marriage as long as I don't actually have to live with them.

She laughed about that then asked "But don't you get lonely?". I answered "Of course I do, but that beats the hell out of being tormented.".

That was just bantering with my sister, and I lied. I actually don't get lonely. And I need my own space, I can't share a house with anyone regardless of wether or not a relationship is involved. I met quite a few women who also felt the same and we had a lot of fun together.

 

[SacredHeart]

My sister harassed me once about always being single, I told her I have nothing against marriage as long as I don't actually have to live with them.

She laughed about that then asked "But don't you get lonely?". I answered "Of course I do, but that beats the hell out of being tormented.".

That was just bantering with my sister, and I lied. I actually don't get lonely. And I need my own space, I can't share a house with anyone regardless of wether or not a relationship is involved. I met quite a few women who also felt the same and we had a lot of fun together.

Once we could afford to rent a property with more space, I got my own room.
I would always advocate for this going forward.
It was my space to be messy, hoard, be disorganised, meditate, or whatever...I'm now going back to the box room at my mums.
sometime i do envy the freedom of being single but acknowledge and appreciate someone likes spending time with me.

 

[SacredHeart]

14 years is a long time to be in a relationship. If the pain was unbearable sounds like you made a good decision to un-cohabitate. It's a huge change for you though. Wishing you well with everything.

Sorry, my bad!
Breaking up was unbearable now were just choosing to do long distance.

 

[Primrose]

I have read about and I've listened to podcasts that say that single women (divorced and usually it's by their direction statistically from my understanding) over age 50-60 report being unhappy and lonely as a group.

This could be true. In my experience though being in an unhealthy or toxic relationship is even worse than being lonely - I'm still recovering from one.

 

[Swansong]

A wise choice.

Romantic relationships are sort of emotional amplifiers, if one is already in a good place in life then they can be deeply fulfilling but the opposite also applies.

Sadly a lot of people fall for this illusion that if they can just find the right person that will fix everything when it usually just makes things worse.

 

[blue_bird]

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I'm just caught between whether I should give up or whether I should be hopeful. One day I'm convinced deciding to be single is the absolute right choice, but the next day I'll change my mind.

I've found it impossible to really get to know people on a deep level. I'm so terrified of being rejected because I have difficulties in my life. Some days I tell myself that I'm just too unlucky to find love. Other times I tell myself that I shouldn't punish myself by saying no one will ever care for me. I'm tired of being so indecisive. I just wish I'd stick to one view on relationships and be content.

 

[GypsyMoth]

A few months ago I decided it's best for me to stay single long term. ... Maybe some of you have made this choice too.

Quite a few years ago now, I went through a rash of horrible boyfriends where each one was worse than the last. (Or, so it seems in retrospect. Hmmm... no, let me think. It 'was', not 'seems'. Okay, moving on....)

I finally got tired of how they did not respect me or my boundaries and so I decided that the best way to deal with this was to stay single. My commitment to myself was to stay single for a year. During that time, I looked into furthering my education, went on college interviews, and in general did the things I wanted to do: paid down debt, went hiking, and spent a lot of time drawing and writing stories.

It was one of the most productive times in my life.

That lasted maybe a month. Two, at the most.


Good luck to you! Hope singleness works out for you!

 

[Shaddock]

there were people were I knew when they would be single, then there would be a couple of admirers who already wait all the time in their wings. sometimes I had the feeling that some people know that and find it good that they have alternatives when a relationship is over.

and these people, when they said "I will stay single for a while", I thought "timer runs. in 2 weeks he/she will have a new partner." and most times I was right lol. I have the feeling that some people are unable to stay single and run with lightspeed into the next relationship when they become single once.

I find it crass that some people can start 2 weeks after a relationship a new one, without needing any break or something.

I not mean you with that, just writing about what came to my mind.

maybe it´s good sometimes to wait a few time and stay single and reflecting oneself and the former relationship, instead of trying to replace that "hole" as fast as possible. that can backfire.

and some people are the opposite. they stay single and say that they want that, but in truth they wish a relationship, but are too frustrated and had too much negative experiences to try it a new time. or they become rather sexistic (against men or women), because they generalize and think that having one negative partner means that everyone of that gender has to be rude.

and some people are just happy with being single.