Lysander
Well-Known Member
I've decided to make this post because I've had some harsh recollections coming to mind recently. I do not take pride in them, nor am I ashamed to be bothered presently. Times of loneliness require courage to get through and may continue to needle us, if the memory persists.
I do not define myself by this, but sometimes it seems like I've been unusually lonely. Mercifully, I learned late in youth that my birth was not foreplanned. Which explains why I was treated differently, and in fact may explain a lot. My extended family was never really around. I had visited them over the years, but no correspondence ever came my way. My father had run away when I was little, apparently. He had a few kids in Oregon, my half-siblings and I, but he married a woman with children of her own and eloped to Alaska, which is pretty far away. One thing that I know with certainty is that he did not abandon his children because he lacked the means to involve himself. A good riddance, by all appearances.
I loved my half-siblings very dearly, as much as full siblings. Possibly better. We grew up together. But they, like my mother, were abusive and one day my brother admitted to thinking that because my sister was his full-sister, and I was his half-sister, that I was not his sister. It was too much at the time and I didn't believe him. But they always left me out and treated me so hatefully when I tried to ingratiate myself into their group, it seems he must have meant it.
Then there were the drugs (not mine), and school. Besides my late grandma, bless her heart, I always had one thing going for me. I was a prodigy and academic excellence, as well as waist-length princess hair and a great butt, was something my mother, and her "other kids" I guess, always envied. My vocabulary confused the other offspring, and as you might guess, making friends is not a skill I would put on my resume. But I graduated with a 4.0. That's right, I got straight-A's, and never did join in on the family habit. Autism, and loneliness, can have it's perks.
WE ARE STRONGER BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LONELY!
If I may say so myself, our resilience is beautiful and astonishing! Like the grace of a solitary cat, one who has survived loneliness possesses something that deserves respect. Therefore with due regard, I ask that you please not suffer because of the knowledge that others had what you did not. Loneliness cuts deeply, but it does not take away your value! Even if it is unnecessary or unfair because of circumstances beyond our control, enduring the discomfort of being alone is how we learn to rely on ourselves and through developing our own individuality, shows us how we may nurture the unique strengths of others whom we may know later in life.
I do not define myself by this, but sometimes it seems like I've been unusually lonely. Mercifully, I learned late in youth that my birth was not foreplanned. Which explains why I was treated differently, and in fact may explain a lot. My extended family was never really around. I had visited them over the years, but no correspondence ever came my way. My father had run away when I was little, apparently. He had a few kids in Oregon, my half-siblings and I, but he married a woman with children of her own and eloped to Alaska, which is pretty far away. One thing that I know with certainty is that he did not abandon his children because he lacked the means to involve himself. A good riddance, by all appearances.
I loved my half-siblings very dearly, as much as full siblings. Possibly better. We grew up together. But they, like my mother, were abusive and one day my brother admitted to thinking that because my sister was his full-sister, and I was his half-sister, that I was not his sister. It was too much at the time and I didn't believe him. But they always left me out and treated me so hatefully when I tried to ingratiate myself into their group, it seems he must have meant it.
Then there were the drugs (not mine), and school. Besides my late grandma, bless her heart, I always had one thing going for me. I was a prodigy and academic excellence, as well as waist-length princess hair and a great butt, was something my mother, and her "other kids" I guess, always envied. My vocabulary confused the other offspring, and as you might guess, making friends is not a skill I would put on my resume. But I graduated with a 4.0. That's right, I got straight-A's, and never did join in on the family habit. Autism, and loneliness, can have it's perks.
WE ARE STRONGER BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LONELY!
If I may say so myself, our resilience is beautiful and astonishing! Like the grace of a solitary cat, one who has survived loneliness possesses something that deserves respect. Therefore with due regard, I ask that you please not suffer because of the knowledge that others had what you did not. Loneliness cuts deeply, but it does not take away your value! Even if it is unnecessary or unfair because of circumstances beyond our control, enduring the discomfort of being alone is how we learn to rely on ourselves and through developing our own individuality, shows us how we may nurture the unique strengths of others whom we may know later in life.
