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Dealing with Death and Grief

D

donnellyb

Well-Known Member
I am new here, I joined to learn more about aspergers. My husband was recently diagnosed and it has been a learning experience through it all. My question is how does one with Aspergers deal with death and grief. My husbands grandfather just passed and he was the only father figure my husband had. My husband says he is fine and acted fine laughing and joking until I got lost on the way to the hospital today. His grandmother is still in the hospital both were very ill, and he basically had what I would call a meltdown. I just am not sure what to say or do to help him. I know it is difficult for some to deal with these emotions. Any help you can provide would be great!
 
I have Autism and have dealt with a death of my own recently. My sister passed away the day before Thanksgiving, and at the time, it wasn't hitting me all that hard. I already knew that it would take time for the reality of it to sink in, even though I was completely aware of what had happened on an intellectual level. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago and the whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as if my heart had been frozen with liquid nitrogen then smashed with a sledgehammer. I know that people with this condition, along with milder forms of it, find comfort in solitude from time to time. No matter the reason, it helps us reduce stress on our minds by cutting out any extraneous stimulation that we may live with. I do believe that Aspies are more spiritual than most - or at least I am. Even so, for whatever reason, the sudden shift in the scheme of things can be detrimental for somebody on the spectrum. And when somebody whom you were very close with isn't there anymore, it can be a very hard thing to deal with. Imagine if you can, a rat going through a maze with the goal of finding the cheese at the end. The cheese is the rat's reason for even figuring out the maze. Now imagine that when the rat finally finds the cheese, one of the scientists decides to stick his hand in and yank it out. The rat feels as if the very thing he set out to find has been taken away for no good reason. That's kind of how Autistic people deal with death, or at least how I do.
Now, when it comes to grieving, that may be more of an excuse to make a retreat into that inner dimension many people on the spectrum are known to do in times of what we perceive as a crisis. There is a comfort there, a warmth that we need to embrace every so often in order to keep us as sane as we can possibly get - especially in trying times.
I hope I was able to shed some light on your situation.
 
when my dad died died of lung cancer (rest in peace) i was verry verry sad but i did things that i enjoyed and my best best best mom ever cheered me up when i am sad and my specal ed teachers mis grayson and mis clark were verry verry extra nice and my specal ed clasmates were verry verry nice to me and my friend Linda Westman was verry verry extra nice to me
 
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