creative writing

[Rachel Albritton]

I write everything from poems, to short stories. I wrote a book once, but tossed it because i had really bad low self esteem and thought nobody wanted to read it. I'm starting a new one. Here's the prologue to it:

My life has changed in the past year. It has gone from bad to worse. I'm not even going to fight it anymore. The pain I feel inside is indescribable. Nobody cares if I survive this or not .I don't even care. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. The fire inside my soul at the very sight of myself is enough to make Hell feel like an Autumn night...

So what do you guys think?

 

[icesyckel]

I am not the best at discussing art; however, it seems very real and visceral to me.

Please tell me this is not an a prologue from an autobiography or the perspective of a character who is an expression of your inner torment, and I will likely feel freer to enjoy it.

 

[Rachel Albritton]

lol no it is not autobiographical lol. it is simply creative writing lol

 

[icesyckel]

lol no it is not autobiographical lol. it is simply creative writing lol

In that case, I think you are off to a very good start.

I'd advise that my biggest criticism of prologues is usually that they get too long in terms of pages when I want to get to the meat. Obviously, you do not yet have that problem.

Prologues are great for short introductions of things you intend to return to later on (think James Bond - some crazy stunt at the beginning of the movie that seems completely unrelated to the story resurfaces two hours later in an interesting and unexpected way). Also, sometimes they are a good quick way to introduce a different narrator/POV character that becomes a character later in the book.

However, if they go on too long, 9 times out of 10 I usually feel it should have just been "chapter 1." George RR Martin is a great author, but he strikes out about 50% of the time in the prologues. All his prologues are very long, though in some cases he pulls it off by making the content extremely interesting. In other cases, I am often left feeling like he could have just made the prologue a POV chapter and it would have been better.

 

[Rachel Albritton]

lol that was the entire prologue actually. i'm already well into my first chapter

 

[icesyckel]

lol that was the entire prologue actually. i'm already well into my first chapter

Very, very good. If anything, it might be a bit short. I prefer too short to too long as far as prologues go, though. When it's that short, it is sort of attention-grabbing.

What genre are you writing in (mystery, romance, etc.)? Or is it a hybrid?

 

[Rachel Albritton]

attention grabbing is exactly what i was going for im not really sure what genre it will be just yet. drama i think. or something else. i usually just let it flow. come up with things on the fly. lol. im not even sure what its gonna be about yet is that bad? lol

 

[icesyckel]

attention grabbing is exactly what i was going for im not really sure what genre it will be just yet. drama i think. or something else. i usually just let it flow. come up with things on the fly. lol. im not even sure what its gonna be about yet is that bad? lol

That is not bad, but if I knew the genre you were aiming for, then I could maybe comment on how well your prologue is setting up the mood. I think a good novel is much about mood/tone-setting since we can't actually see every scene but through imagination.

You prologue certainly grabs attention in part because it is so short and punchy. Depending on what follows, your prologue either immediately sets the right tone or does not. I think this could be a good prologue for a noir action/thriller story or even a dark romance novel. It's not going to be much of a comedy, though, because the mood would be all wrong.

Also, if you were going for mystery, for example, then you are probably going to want to add something concrete to it, as mystery audiences crave clues to follow to see if they can solve the mystery before the big reveal. A suspense novel also requires something a bit more concrete to get the reader on the edge of his/her seat, so to speak.

So, it's not necessarily bad to write as you go and let it flow; however, knowing the genre can help you be intentional/strategic about where you want to go or, more importantly, what you want the reader to experience and at what stage.

 

[Rachel Albritton]

well i actually was thinking of a teen drama-ish style for this book. for some reason i do well with books that tackle teen issues today. 17 is the main character's age

 

[icesyckel]

well i actually was thinking of a teen drama-ish style for this book. for some reason i do well with books that tackle teen issues today. 17 is the main character's age

I think this opening could work for a drama. While it is somewhat abstract/light on details, a good drama doesn't necessarily need to set the stage with facts so much as emotion/mood. Likely this is more true with a teenage drama, though that really isn't my #1 area. I almost never read in that specific genre, though I do watch one TV show that qualifies to some extent (Pretty Little Liars - my wife got me into it; I suppose it is mystery of a sort, but not really in a serious way).

Sounds like you're off to a good start. Parting tip: in dramas, the characters and their relationships usually matter to readers more than the plot/story.

 

[Rachel Albritton]

thanks i will definitely keep that in mind

 

[2aspirin]

Re creative writing, in general- There is a advice with regard to good writing, that I like: "Show, don't tell."

This does help bring stories to life in the reader's mind. Under this advice, you would avoid too much telling statements like "she pined for him terribly" and instead show it with a descriptive passage showing the actions, specific thoughts or analogies for this state of mind of the character.

As for prologues, they often are in the style of "telling" instead of showing, which is fine. It sets the reader's expectations for what they may be shown.

 

[Ereth]

I'll add that there should be a good balance between "showing and telling." For some scenes, you'll want to let the imagery and action do the talking, but for others, pure narration is better. For example, you don't want to write "Bob lifted one leg and put it into his pant leg before following with the other" unless breaking down the act of his getting dressed is important.

 

[Rocco]

Here is a mini autobiography. If moderators here also see it disturbing or inappropriate... Just delete it

It was summer then, I was 20 years old with a broken hand and broken heart. You took me into your home and we were well matched. Warm afternoons passed as we talked of our experiences and dreams. You moved down by the beach to escape the winter and northern society. If I knew the signs it may have gone better.

I finally found work with my crippled limb, a dark side job, in a world of sin. It gave a check and I was proud to be an adult and independent. But you do not approve. One drunken night you slurred your hate at me. Reducing my person to a short list spiteful names. You highlighted my faults like an angry teacher. Red marks in the soul. I did not understand, when you said I'm not a man, just a child going wild, with no life's plan. I wish now as then I could understand what you were really telling me. You were consumed by drugs and it tore you apart.
The soft incandescent glow on your reddish curls defied the hate in your eyes. Confusion and hurt was all the could feel. Speechless I retreated to the farthest room and surrendered to nightmarish sleep.
In the noon I awoke, the sadness refreshed. The words of Connor Oberst "the center of the world" rang in my ear, louder than your ignored alarm clock.
"Two pills just weren't enough, the alarm clock is going off, and you're not waking up, this isn't happening happening happening, it is!"
You were there peaceful as snow, on the living room floor, your soft red lips transforms to blue, one touch of your cheek spoke the truth. I phoned 911, no CPR could not be done.
If I had known more about your darkness, if I knew of the drugs you hid, mayhap you would be in the sun today

My mother helped me clean the house, after they carried your body away and the police left. I trashed your stash and discarded the paraphanelia , lest your family discover your mischief. Why did you hide that darkness from me, if I had a flashlight maybe I might have seen. They wouldn't let me to the funeral. But I will hold you in my heart. It's taken me years to say these things Beth. Goodbye. I remember you. I love you.

Rocco

 

[May Black]

I'm going to follow Rocco, since I find this rather fun. This is an introduction I wrote a couple of years back when I was actually attempting to write a real one. Sometimes I feel like I don't really have any control over the things I write or the outcome.

Introduction

I am the one you will look at when you enter the room. Unwillingly. You'll notice my skinny fingers resting on a glass of something expensive and probably bitter, in that annoyingly posh way, my head tipped slightly, chin high. You won't seek my eyes, and it will be best that way, but if you did, I'd let you see my solitude. There will be no words exchanged between us, and you will never find out that I spoke your language. Later, you will leave with a laughing, noisy redhead and have wild sex in her bed few more times before she dumps you for a guy that plays the guitar in a band in that very same bar every second Friday. But even then, fragments of me will hunt your dreams. You will try to tell your friends, but you will fail to find words to describe me, fail to find the essence of what my being was to you. You will try to look for me, in other women, but instead you'll only find satisfaction and happiness. And I will silently envy you.


I guess it is autobiographical in a way, I do appreciate drinking Campari a lot.

 

[Rocco]

Very nice May Black

 

[May Black]

Thank you
I enjoyed yours as well.

 

[epath13]

I write everything from poems, to short stories. I wrote a book once, but tossed it because i had really bad low self esteem and thought nobody wanted to read it. I'm starting a new one. Here's the prologue to it:

My life has changed in the past year. It has gone from bad to worse. I'm not even going to fight it anymore. The pain I feel inside is indescribable. Nobody cares if I survive this or not .I don't even care. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. The fire inside my soul at the very sight of myself is enough to make Hell feel like an Autumn night...

So what do you guys think?

I'm a wannabe writer I think the piece is fine. I hope it's ok if I show how I'd change a few things. It's just an opinion

- In the past year my life has changed. It has gone from bad to worse. The pain I feel inside is indescribable. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. The fire inside my soul at the very sight of myself is enough to make Hell feel like an Autumn night... -

It seems to me, other sentences are sort of... repeating what you've already said or are going to say, just in a different way. They have the same feel to them. That's why the whole piece "tastes" like it has too much of one "spice", like... too much oregano, if you compare it with food... I'm hungry right now, maybe that's why I'm comparing it with food

 

[Rocco]

In service

They say we were killers in the past life, but the memories are congruent. We served our countries, our own beliefs, we embraced revenge against those who would destroy our homes.
For some grand ideal, we transformed humans to bones. How many lives to take in hopes to save even more?
Our names will be read, in the end credits for this movie of life, records of our deeds, be they trouble or triumph. The orders and actions form our memories and perhaps soon forgotten headlines.
They say we were killers in a past life, but we still carry the scars on our skin and in our hearts.
Rest in peace, Brothers, Sisters, and Allies in arms, past present and future.

 

[Rocco]

You are my favorite feeling, Like a quiet morning mist rolling along in silence. Your smell is the greatest scent I have ever known and starts my heart racing. My heart beats like a tornado in a cage for you and sings when you are around me.
Some days you hurt me, from inside out, my body rejects you. I find that I am lost with out you, so that I cannot bear to be without you close by. I love you always when you are mine