Connecting people with specific locations and situations

[Axeman52]

Hi.

A thing just happened that's got me thinking - Every day I go for a walk around the countryside that's near my house as a way of getting exercise. As I was approaching home, I happened to cross paths with someone I went to university with and said Hi and then realised I had no idea how to interact with him because it seemed like I was talking to a complete stranger for some reason, and that made me incredibly anxious. I think this was extremely noticeable, too

Then I realised, I seem to register the location and situation in which I am used to interacting with that person with who that person is, in my mind, like it's part of their identity, and interacting with them outside of that location and/or situation is confusing and stressful to me. This sort of thing actually happens a lot and I think just now I figured out that that's what causes it.

Does anyone else have this type of problem? It doesn't seem to happen to the same extent with people who are close friends, but it can still be problematic.

 

[King_Oni]

I can relate to this somewhat suffering from a mild case of facial blindness. Because I fail to recognize a lot of people just by looking at them I often need context to remind me who they are. Of course, it also means that any first contact I have if someone approaches me can be strange since unless they start talking first (or I manage to recognize them otherwise) I can be slightly in the dark of who they are. And some people just come across as slightly annoyed because of it, since it seems there's this unwritten rule that it should be a given that people recognize everyone at any time.

Luckily I don't have a lot of anxiety going on, it's just a bit of a bumpy start if someone walks up to me if I see him/her in a setting that is not like the one I run into them.

By now I kinda live with the mindset to expect the unexpected and run into random people at the most odd places, so in a sense I'm prepared. But yeah... the first minute or so just ends up being a bit weird since I have to dig into my memory to link someones voice to a name and person overall. On top of a bit of general communication issues many of us struggle with on a daily basis.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes and actually I do this with one of my sisters! She is now 40 and a mother of 5 children, but in my head, I cannot place her in an adult role and so, when she talks about "adult things", I struggle to not feel repulsed really by thinking: eww how could you let a man touch you like that? I really have to battle with myself on this!

I have not met anyone from my past by face to face, but am pretty sure that if I did, I would not be able to separate them from when I last saw them. And actually, I have often wondered what it would be like, if I bumped into my ex boyfriend, who I had a very intensive relationship with for nearly 3 years and pretty sure that I would confuse emotions, so I sincerely hope I never do meet him, because I worry that I would betray my marriage ie think I am in love, when really, the memories of being in love, are so clear in my head, that I might imagine they are the same feelings! And yes, it would confuse the heck out of me, if he had changed.

 

[Progster]

Like King Oni, I have mild face blindness and very often don't recognise people out of context, so if I met someone from my past I'm unlikely to recognise them. Chance meetings with people from work outside work is always very problematic because when I'm working I'm in a certain context and acting a role to a great extent. Remove the context and the mask, and I can no longer communicate easily with that person - I no longer know how to relate them. Another difficulty I have is with energy levels. On some days, I have a lot of energy and become more confident and more likely to talk to people, I can come across as friendly and talkative, and then on other days I just want to be alone. So one day I'll be happy to talk, and the next day I'll be in shutdown mode and just not want to talk or even say hi. I realise that this must make me come across as very moody and unfriendly, but it's not that I don't like the person, it's just unfortunate that the person chanced upon me at a time when I want to be alone. This was a big issue when I was a student and couldn't avoid people - I've lost quite a few friends this way.

 

[Axeman52]

It's definitely not a problem of recognition for me, I'm good at recognising people. Having said that, I'm not entirely sure what face blindness is, but despite the fact I am good at remembering visual details in most things, I always struggle to picture what people look like when I can't see them, sometimes even people I'm very familiar with - I wonder if this is a form of face blindness that is negated by the fact that the moment I see someone familiar it jogs my memory as to what they look like? (I am not convinced that what I have said here makes any rational sense...)

It's kinda hard to explain, but It's almost like in my mind, there's a time and a place in which people belong, and seeing them outside of that time and place feels uncomfortable and I don't feel right interacting with them. It's like there are certain conditions that determine when I should interact with that person and those conditions are not met when I see that person outside of the usual environment where I usually interact with them. So it makes interacting with them feels exactly the same as interacting with a complete stranger and I end up treating them like one.. Even when I clearly acknowledged that I recognised them.

I have had lots of awkward interactions like this. Every time I think about it I seem to remember another one.

Yes and actually I do this with one of my sisters! She is now 40 and a mother of 5 children, but in my head, I cannot place her in an adult role

I can definitely relate to this, I can't really place my brother in an adult role even though he has a kid now, and that results in a kind of cognitive dissonance that makes accepting the existence of my nephew very very challenging (along with a great many other contributing factors).

 

[Harrison]

I have facial blindness and have awful, and embarrasing, problems recognising people away from where I normally meet them. As has been mentioned, I have problems communicating with them as they are not where they should be.

 

[Judge]

Facial blindness occasionally happens to me. Kind of embarrassing at times.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being "selective" rather than blind....

 

[Vinca]

Hi.

A thing just happened that's got me thinking - Every day I go for a walk around the countryside that's near my house as a way of getting exercise. As I was approaching home, I happened to cross paths with someone I went to university with and said Hi and then realised I had no idea how to interact with him because it seemed like I was talking to a complete stranger for some reason, and that made me incredibly anxious. I think this was extremely noticeable, too

Then I realised, I seem to register the location and situation in which I am used to interacting with that person with who that person is, in my mind, like it's part of their identity, and interacting with them outside of that location and/or situation is confusing and stressful to me. This sort of thing actually happens a lot and I think just now I figured out that that's what causes it.

Does anyone else have this type of problem? It doesn't seem to happen to the same extent with people who are close friends, but it can still be problematic.

I have had a similar experience. I was in the supermarket and saw my doctor coming down the isle. It totally freaked me out. Whilst I know logically that my doctor must have a home and a life outside his place of work, in my mind, my doctor exists at the doctors surgery. I didn't know how to act or what I would say to him or if I should say anything to him at all (he is a friendly chap and thinking about it in hindsight, a hello would have done) I essentially pretended I couldn't see my doctor because I couldn't cope with the awkwardness of the situation. I am comfortable talking to him at the doctors surgery but not somewhere else it seems.

I do tend to link people and places together and I think of people being connected to the places I have seen them most frequently.

 

[Maelstrom]

I have facial blindness and have awful, and embarrasing, problems recognising people away from where I normally meet them. As has been mentioned, I have problems communicating with them as they are not where they should be.

Hi harris54 Yes it's the same for me, but its not just matching faces with places, as a auspie I mentally prepare for incounters, running into someone unexpectedly, is disconcerting as not only do you have to speak to them of the cuff, but you have to calculate the level of engagement they may or may not want, too many balls in the air at one time.

Hi Vinca!

 

[DogwoodTree]

Then I realised, I seem to register the location and situation in which I am used to interacting with that person with who that person is, in my mind, like it's part of their identity, and interacting with them outside of that location and/or situation is confusing and stressful to me. This sort of thing actually happens a lot and I think just now I figured out that that's what causes it.

Does anyone else have this type of problem? It doesn't seem to happen to the same extent with people who are close friends, but it can still be problematic.

That's actually common for a lot of different kinds of "knowledge"...for example, if you learned how to do a particular kind of math problem at home, lounging on your couch, with no one else around you, and a fan whirring in the background, all of those situational cues are tied to the new knowledge you stored in your brain. A lot of people have a hard time performing on a test because they learned the concepts in too different of a situation than the test-taking environment.

To recall concepts most quickly, it's best to learn them in the environment where you need to be able to recall them.

However...you can counter this effect by connecting the concepts to as many different types of environments as possible. So for example, maybe you first learned the math concept at home. Take a look at it again while sitting in the park on the way to school, or while riding in the car to Grandma's house that weekend, or in the cafeteria during lunch...and if you can "get" the concept in your head again in each of those very different situations, the recall of that concept will actually be more resilient because it won't be so tied to situational cues.

I use this understanding of learning psychology in homeschooling my kids. We almost never stick to a single source to learn important information. If they're learning Spanish from Rosetta Stone, we also have conversational Spanish CDs to play while they're cleaning the kitchen, and Spanish music CDs to play in their rooms, and we live in a town with a lot of Spanish-speaking people so I'll point out words or phrases we see on signs or overhear from people and ask the kids to translate. Same thing with math (here's a real-world application of that concept you learned yesterday!), science, history...anything. Multiple sources from multiple perspectives in multiple situations help root the knowledge deeper into their brains.

And it's the same thing with people. If you've only seen your boss at work, you won't recognize him as quickly in a different context (if you cross paths at the mall, for example). But if you were hired by someone you already knew from church or from a hobby club or a night class, their face isn't so closely tied to specific circumstances and you'll recognize them more easily if you see them, say, at the bowling alley Friday night.

That said, some people are more attuned to faces than others. I can't tell you the number of times I've let my daughters wander through a (relatively small) store or restaurant, like to go to the bathroom or check out the next aisle or whatever, then I see them walking back towards me later when I'm not expecting it and I don't recognize them right away! They seem so much older in that instant before I realize they're my own kids...

 

[On the Inside]

When I run into someone in a place not associated with them, I also freak out somewhat, high tension. Sometimes I pretend not to notice, sometimes I have to acknowledge their presence there they are no getting around it, sometimes I'll go out of my way to at least say Hello.

In all cases, the tension has a lasting effect on me.

 

[nowwhat]

I often fail to recognize people out of context. Gets embarrassing. I have some ability to read expressions, but dislike eye contact and do don't look at people's faces too much. Hence the contextual recognition. One more thing that makes me feel like an ass on a regular basis...

 

[Bel]

Everyone here is so relatable! I didn't know so many people had facial blindness.
Does anyone else have it where you never put together a whole face? It's fragmented? I'm not actually sure what I look like haha!

 

[AsheSkyler]

Oo, yes! Been there! And it ain't just us, thankfully. I saw a hilarious episode where a guy's friend from one area of his life started interacting with a friend from another area of his life, and he spent the rest of the episode running around in little circles, shouting "worlds are colliding!!"

I definitely have face blindness when I come across somebody I'm not used to seeing outside of their assigned spot. I give them the "you be crazy" sideways look and then quickly bury myself back into what I was doing. Usually the only ones I do that to are the ones I didn't like all that much to begin with, if it's an old friend I try to look for clues in their anatomy to who they are so we can socialize again.

That's actually common for a lot of different kinds of "knowledge"...for example, if you learned how to do a particular kind of math problem at home, lounging on your couch, with no one else around you, and a fan whirring in the background, all of those situational cues are tied to the new knowledge you stored in your brain. A lot of people have a hard time performing on a test because they learned the concepts in too different of a situation than the test-taking environment.

That's a very good point. I've noticed when I try to remember something really hard, sometimes I'll reconstruct the entire scene in my head to try and remember it. It freaks out my husband sometimes. "Yes, you did say that, you were also wearing the white shirt with blue scribbles, the blue jeans with the least bit of holes, socks, no shoes, half laid back on the couch at my parents', it was night out, and Mom walked in the door right after to comment how loud the cicadas were because it was midsummer."

 

[DogwoodTree]

I've noticed when I try to remember something really hard, sometimes I'll reconstruct the entire scene in my head to try and remember it. It freaks out my husband sometimes. "Yes, you did say that, you were also wearing the white shirt with blue scribbles, the blue jeans with the least bit of holes, socks, no shoes, half laid back on the couch at my parents', it was night out, and Mom walked in the door right after to comment how loud the cicadas were because it was midsummer."

LOL, I do that...gather contextual clues in order to reconstruct the entire picture until I "see" the part I'm trying to remember.

Maybe we're especially attuned to context, since we don't focus easily on just a few parts of it, and so when one part is out of place (like a face), it really stands out to us?

 

[On the Inside]

LOL, I do that...gather contextual clues in order to reconstruct the entire picture until I "see" the part I'm trying to remember.

Maybe we're especially attuned to context, since we don't focus easily on just a few parts of it, and so when one part is out of place (like a face), it really stands out to us?

I am certainly attuned to context. In fact, it's helpful for me to know as many contextual details as possible to feel confident about my memory. So seeing things out of context,ie. running into people I work with at a festival, can be upsetting. Not that I will lose it, but I feel tension.

I have a very keen ability to find things that others have lost, and it mostly involves knowing three places where something might be, then seeing things that seem out of place.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I have a very keen ability to find things that others have lost, and it mostly involves knowing three places where something might be, then seeing things that seem out of place.

Me too! Sometimes I kinda feel like Monk (though not that smart)...notice things out of place, deduce how they got that way, and I more easily remember where something is if it's out of place because it really stands out in my visual memory.

 

[pax]

If I meet two people at the smae place and about the same time (eg work, sporting club) that look vaguely alike, I will mix them up forevermore.

 

[AsheSkyler]

LOL, I do that...gather contextual clues in order to reconstruct the entire picture until I "see" the part I'm trying to remember.

Maybe we're especially attuned to context, since we don't focus easily on just a few parts of it, and so when one part is out of place (like a face), it really stands out to us?

It's highly possible. It might be related to that question on autism tests "do you focus on details or the big picture". If I remember right, we supposed to be geared towards details, and that's certainly an awful lot of details to make sure we remember something. My husband jokes I'd have better short term memory if I didn't have so much long-term data crowding it out.

 

[Berianireth]

I have trouble recognizing people I know if I don't see them everyday in the same place. It's very embarrassing and many people have expressed a lot of hurt and disbelief when I try to explain to them that I have Aspergers and cannot recognize faces as easily as most people. That almost completely destroyed college for me.