Confusion, to understanding, to lesson hopefully learned

[Suzanne]

I just don't do female snobbery at all well, but when there is no cause for it. I mean: someone speaks to you and after that, shows clearly they do not like you, but instead of being polite, they choose to blank you out: that is the kind of snobbery that I detest and makes me want to crawl into myself. How I deal with it is not in the best way; I blank them out, but with heart crying, because it just is not in my nature to be nasty to people. It is like: they do not like you and so, it confirms that you are a nobody and that makes me feel so vulnerable that I cannot deal with the person.

So, this is happening, but with no less than 2 females. I think I know why one is snubbing me; because her husband has a twinkle in his eye for me; however I never reciprocated that.

The other woman, I think just does not like my personality, which is fair enough, for truth be told, not keen on her's either lol but to be rude about it - wow! I have learned from bitter experience to not go and ask, because it makes things ten times worse.

Ok, so what confused me? Because my husband saw her and she asked after me! She asked once again, another time! This like really threw me! Then another time, just the other day, she comes from behind and thrusts a see through folder in front of me and I won't deny, I was so confused because it happened so fast and I felt like I was in a tunnel. When I saw what the folder contained, my first thought was: why are you giving me this, when you are explaining that this is from a friend of mine who's sister in law gave, to pass on to me. I could not get passed the why was this woman giving me the folder? Now because I am not one to be horrible, as soon as this "once cold woman" is smiling and very friendly with me, I respond and think: it is ok and she is fine with me. And I was like a child when I saw what this cross stitch pattern was about and it is true that I did act excited; this woman was like: whoa this is bizarre and I also found it hard to separate the fact that it was not from her, but passed on to her, to give to me!

I eventually saw my friend, but was thinking: why could you not have given it to me? Lol I was seriously confused. She explains that she didn't want to forget it and so asked this other woman to pass it on to me.

Basically, I was so close to thinking this other woman is going to now be a best friend to me!

It came to me this morning that of course she was going to be friendly with me! She was asked to pass on something to me and what could she say? I would rather not or no thanks? Because you see, my friend is rather loving this particular woman. This woman fawns over her and it truth is known, makes me feel a bit sick, because I sense an artificialness about this woman.

So confusion is over and I realise that this woman is not going to be my best buddy, but perhaps I can use that experience to help me be polite to her. Honestly, I am terrible; I won't even say hello to the one snubbing me; feel so inferior it is unbelievable!

Thus, the conclusion is that just because one is friendly to you, does not mean they want to be your friend!

Wow it is hard work being an aspie and not understanding the cues of social curtsey that somehow involves if you are jealous of another or just don't like their personality or the way they look, that it is quite ok to snub them.

This is why I prefer men!

ps: sorry if this thread is confusing in itself!

 

[Lealea]

Yes I've found a few of women tend to be like this, it seems they find enjoyment in putting others down it gives them something to talk about to make themselves feel like their better than you, I've experienced similar situations when I was in collage. It has been much harder to read women then men I find.

 

[DuckRabbit]

I find that a person who cuts you dead when you're on your own will often greet you with rapturous friendliness when they are with someone. This can be confusing until you realise that they are merely using you to demonstrate to their friend how much social capital they have - how many people they can greet to create the illusion of how many people they are on friendly terms with, thereby boosting their own perceived popularity. I've been flabbergasted at how blatantly people can switch from hot to cold and back again, depending on what the surrounding social context or political dynamics are. I would be terrified of being perceived as fake, not to mention fickle, but some people appear not to have that concern! They seem not care whether those connections are genuine or not; fake ones will do just as well since that is all others perceive.

 

[Suzanne]

I find that a person who cuts you dead when you're on your own will often greet you with rapturous friendliness when they are with someone. This can be confusing until you realise that they are merely using you to demonstrate to their friend how much social capital they have - how many people they can greet to create the illusion of how many people they are on friendly terms with, thereby boosting their own perceived popularity. I've been flabbergasted at how blatantly people can switch from hot to cold and back again, depending on what the surrounding social context or political dynamics are. I would be terrified of being perceived as fake, not to mention fickle, but some people appear not to have that concern! They seem not care whether those connections are genuine or not; fake ones will do just as well since that is all others perceive.

True, I just find it virtually impossible to deal with! I in the end, go into meltdown because of the sheer change of personality ie one minute nice, the next horrible! Makes me want to scream!