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Confused by therapist

Kalinychta said:
Sure I want you to have a relationship. I just don’t think you’re in any condition to be in one at the moment. Most women are turned off by desperate men, so the only long-term relationship I can see you being in is with a not-nice person, a predator or narcissist of some kind, probably another control freak like your mother. That’s all. I just think you need to sort out your personal life first. Like get out of the victim mentality, learn to love yourself, and commit to things that make you happy.
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Don’t you think I’ve made attempts, though? I used to take guitar lessons because I thought rock music would be my niche but the talent was denied to me and I got bullied for it. Both of the people who taught me disappeared as well.

I hoped to write and draw more this year but it feels like more people hate what I do then like it. I barely got any comments for my efforts on drawing and even when I took on advice for it, no one cared. I keep getting writer’s block and recent events have made that block worse.

When I was first becoming clinically depressed back in late 2005 (I was 17), I often visualized myself shooting my brains out of my head. I felt like a loser because I wasn’t dating and my music dreams had smashed on the ground.
 
Markness said:
Don’t you think I’ve made attempts, though? I used to take guitar lessons because I thought rock music would be my niche but the talent was denied to me and I got bullied for it. Both of the people who taught me disappeared as well.

I hoped to write and draw more this year but it feels like more people hate what I do then like it. I barely got any comments for my efforts on drawing and even when I took on advice for it, no one cared. I keep getting writer’s block and recent events have made that block worse.
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Yeah I think you’ve made attempts, but you always immediately throw in the towel the second something becomes too difficult or inconvenient or doesn’t generate approval/praise and then you make a list of excuses about how you’re powerless.
 
Kalinychta said:
Yeah I think you’ve made attempts, but you always immediately throw in the towel the second something becomes too difficult or inconvenient or doesn’t generate approval/praise and then you make a list of excuses about how you’re powerless.
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It doesn’t help that my parents and the general Bible Belt culture did their damndest to curtail my potential as a human being. It’s like they wanted to rip out my individuality and turn me into a damn robot. I don’t regret seceding from Christianity and the Baptist culture that permeates the particular region I live in.
 
Markness said:
It doesn’t help that my parents and the general Bible Belt culture did their damndest to curtail my potential as a human being. It’s like they wanted to rip out my individuality and turn me into a damn robot. I don’t regret seceding from Christianity and the Baptist culture that permeates the particular region I live in.
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I know, we’ve all got a million things stacked against us. But the unfortunate reality is that if we want our lives to change, we have to be the ones to change it. Small steps are a good way to begin.
 
Fino said:
Christianity is all about lifting you up. Jesus says He will give you abundant life.
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If only that had been true for my life experience.

Kalinychta said:
I know, we’ve all got a million things stacked against us. But the unfortunate reality is that if we want our lives to change, we have to be the ones to change it. Small steps are a good way to begin.
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I’ve actually been mocked for being at my age and making the “steps.” Everything I do is wrong going by what I am told. It only increases my feelings of being obsolete.
 
It seems to me that you are very *other* oriented.
People tell you things/make negative assertions about you,
and you decide what they say is true, and that what they
say determines your worth.
 
Markness said:
I’ve actually been mocked for being at my age and making the “steps.” Everything I do is wrong going by what I am told. It only increases my feelings of being obsolete.
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Okay, so you ignore encouragement and advice and instead focus on negative things people have said to you. May I ask why you bother posting here in the first place? To everything we say you respond by telling us we’re wrong and that the people who make negative comments are right. If this is truly what you believe, as it seems to be, wouldn’t it be a better use of your time to simply accept your situation and stop getting so upset about it all the time? If you believe you’re screwed, why do you keep coming on here to argue with everyone about it?
 
Kalinychta said:
Okay, so you ignore encouragement and advice and instead focus on negative things people have said to you. May I ask why you bother posting here in the first place? To everything we say you respond by telling us we’re wrong and that the people who make negative comments are right. If this is truly what you believe, as it seems to be, wouldn’t it be a better use of your time to simply accept your situation and stop getting so upset about it all the time? If you believe you’re screwed, why do you keep coming on here to argue with everyone about it?
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I didn’t say you were wrong and it’s not what I believe. I am talking about the people who mock me in person. Those are the people I had in mind.

I can’t accept my situation because it would mean the people who bullied me in high school would celebrate if I did.
 
Markness said:
I didn’t say you were wrong and it’s not what I believe. I am talking about the people who mock me in person. Those are the people I had in mind.
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Why bother having them in mind?

How does keeping negative remarks made by other people
help you?
 
tree said:
Why bother having them in mind?

How does keeping negative remarks made by other people
help you?
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My mind has always had a tendency to hold on to hurtful memories, even when I was a child.

I admit it doesn’t help. I wish there was a way to erase them from my mind.
 
Markness said:
My mind has always had a tendency to hold on to hurtful memories, even when I was a child.

I admit it doesn’t help. I wish there was a way to erase them from my mind.
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There isn't a way. But you can do something better, learn to live with it. (you can if you try, hard)
 
Markness said:
I didn’t say you were wrong and it’s not what I believe.
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No, you’ve never written the words “you’re wrong.” But to everything we say, you explain to us why we are incorrect.

Markness said:
I am talking about the people who mock me in person. Those are the people I had in mind.

I can’t accept my situation because it would mean the people who bullied me in high school would celebrate if I did.
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These people from high school are keeping tabs on you? How would they know if you were to accept your situation? More to the point, why do you think you’re so important, that you’re so much the center of everyone’s universe that they would celebrate if you were to accept your situation?
 
Kalinychta said:
No, you’ve never written the words “you’re wrong.” But to everything we say, you explain to us why we are incorrect.



These people from high school are keeping tabs on you? How would they know if you were to accept your situation? More to the point, why do you think you’re so important, that you’re so much the center of everyone’s universe that they would celebrate if you were to accept your situation?
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I think you are misunderstanding me again. I don’t think the people who tell me negative things are right. I wish they wouldn’t say hurtful things and it would feel so good to prove them wrong.

Sometimes I still get encounters with these people and they assault me with questions about my life since high school. They still have smug looks regarding me.
 
Forest Cat said:
If people who bullied you in highschool would celebrate something going wrong in your life now many years later, they would be pathetic. People would laugh at them, I would laugh at them. It would be very childish and a little crazy. It would say a lot about them and nothing about you.
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I had a personal trainer laugh off what happened to me by claiming they were trying to toughen me up. That was the first strike for me in ceasing to train with her.
 
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@Markness

It sounds like the laughing of the personal trainer was intended
to diminish your experience.

This is not the same way that ForestCat is using the word "laugh."

I believe he means that there's no reason for you to continue to
carry around the evaluations of bullies from high school, no value
to clutching unhappy memories to yourself and thinking that you must
*prove them wrong.*
 
If there was a time I needed my therapist, it would be now. She’s on another continent and won’t be back until the end of the month.
 
Markness said:
If there was a time I needed my therapist, it would be now. She’s on another continent and won’t be back until the end of the month.
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What alternative support did she tell you to seek in her absence?
 
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