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Compassion fatigue

Professori

Professori

Professori
Ever heard of compassion fatigue? Some spouses/partners of Aspies experience this because they expend so much emotional energy in the attempt to relate to, understand, sympathise with, etc. with someone on the spectrum that they just run out of that emotional energy. They just dry up and become dead inside. It is a type of burnout, but wider than burnout.

Some on the spectrum experience this as well in the grapple with trying to fit in, understand NT's, understand themselves, feel ok about themselves, that they also just give up internally. It is a dangerous experience and place to be.

We can be very difficult people and end up chewing others up and spitting them out in this way. Alternatively, we can find it very difficult to live with ourselves as we are frequently misunderstood, and don't even understand ourselves and so chew ourselves up.

Anyone here relate to this, or is it my experience only?
 
Hmm, not sure if this is on point but I have definitely experienced a sort of fatigue like this with past NT partners. I try so hard to keep them happy but struggle to do so effectively, and eventually I just wear out; it starts to feel like taking care of a high-maintenance pet.
 
Gritches said:
Hmm, not sure if this is on point but I have definitely experienced a sort of fatigue like this with past NT partners. I try so hard to keep them happy but struggle to do so effectively, and eventually I just wear out; it starts to feel like taking care of a high-maintenance pet.
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Yep, seems to be the same as compassion fatigue. Too much care and little return for it.
 
Professori said:
Ever heard of compassion fatigue? Some spouses/partners of Aspies experience this because they expend so much emotional energy in the attempt to relate to, understand, sympathise with, etc. with someone on the spectrum that they just run out of that emotional energy. They just dry up and become dead inside. It is a type of burnout, but wider than burnout.

Some on the spectrum experience this as well in the grapple with trying to fit in, understand NT's, understand themselves, feel ok about themselves, that they also just give up internally. It is a dangerous experience and place to be.

We can be very difficult people and end up chewing others up and spitting them out in this way. Alternatively, we can find it very difficult to live with ourselves as we are frequently misunderstood, and don't even understand ourselves and so chew ourselves up.

Anyone here relate to this, or is it my experience only?
Click to expand...

I relate. Chewed myself up for years.

It's like my rule for reality TV: the one who cries first turns out to be the strongest.

A breakdown isn't forever. You start again when it's over.

One category of people used to breaking down is surely us lot.

Nanak Korobi ya oki
 
I think that was me. I tried for 10 years to live up to my bf NT's ideal relationship and had a breakdown. Couldn't keep faking being me and constantly feeling inferior and like i was sabotaging the relationship and constantly worrying how i was being perceived and what he was thinking and whether i was doing a "good job".

I also struggle to not trigger an Aspie friend. Having to constantly worry about my own place in the world and sanity is hard enough.... but having to do that for an aspie friend at the same time as a trigger will result in weeks of misunderstanding and possible isolation and breakup... exhausting.
 
Lady Penelope said:
I think that was me. I tried for 10 years to live up to my bf NT's ideal relationship and had a breakdown. Couldn't keep faking being me and constantly feeling inferior and like i was sabotaging the relationship and constantly worrying how i was being perceived and what he was thinking and whether i was doing a "good job".

I also struggle to not trigger an Aspie friend. Having to constantly worry about my own place in the world and sanity is hard enough.... but having to do that for an aspie friend at the same time as a trigger will result in weeks of misunderstanding and possible isolation and breakup... exhausting.
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I think that's one of the toughest things to do - to try to live into an ideal self-image on behalf of someone else. That will definitely suck you dry.
 
I am in a relationship with my aspie, we had a very rough time about 2-3 months ago.....but now my understanding of him, his needs... (and my needs) are so much clearer that I'm calmer and he finds that it's good for him - we had a big discussion about him 'letting me into his life' in a letting me know what's going on and what's stressing him way..... so now as a result of him opening up, I'm calm about us.... and my calmness, makes our relationship easy (easier..?) for him. We (him mostly) are planning a holiday in summer....
 
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