Christmas Music and Loneliness

[Shamar]

Does anyone else here have a problem with Christmas music? By this I mean the non-religious music. I have no objection to the religious music. It seems to me that Christmas music celebrates sharing, togetherness, and romance.

The problem is that I am unable to form a bond, form friendships, or feel love toward another person. That part of my brain seems to be missing, and I want to experience feelings and connections more than anything. This desire is part of what drives me, and has led to disaster a few times.

I cannot go into a store for more than a few minutes at a time during this season. The Christmas music is incessant. It hurts, and feels like a mocking slap on the face. I see everyone around me celebrating what I cannot and never will have. This is the only time of year I have to take antidepressants.

Does anyone else here feel this way?

 

[Progster]

I dislike commercial Christmas music intensely, but not because it makes me feel lonely, but because it is so cheesy, sickeningly happy, cheerful, feelgood, blah yuck. And you hear the same ones every year, again and again, the same ones since the 1980s when they were first aired. It drives me insane and I try not to expose myself to it.

 

[Pats]

Sorry the season is so difficult for you. My taste in music falls over into Christmas music. I like Christmas songs that have a blues feel to them - my favorite is "Please come home for Christmas". All others is just unwanted noise - "Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, etc" I did like Boys to Men's Silent Night, though.
As for forming a special bond with someone - there are some whom have been fortunate to find that right person, but for the rest there is more disappointment and heart break, so maybe you could try to turn around that slap in the face feeling to allowing yourself to feel lucky that you don't have to go through the heartbreaks and frustration.

 

[Shamar]

As for forming a special bond with someone - there are some whom have been fortunate to find that right person, but for the rest there is more disappointment and heart break, so maybe you could try to turn around that slap in the face feeling to allowing yourself to feel lucky that you don't have to go through the heartbreaks and frustration.

Perhaps you are right about not having to go through the pain of heartbreak. But which is worse: the temporary and bittersweet pain of heartbreak, or the pain of ongoing loneliness. I have no way to tell. My inability to feel does not reduce my need to feel or connect with people. I can honestly say I have never in my life even had a friend, as I understand the concept. Lot of acquaintances, but no friends.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I really like a lot of Christmas music. Today I got the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack on CD that I ordered from Amazon.
Of course, "Christmas Time Is Here" is probably just the thing to listen to if you're feeling lonely.

 

[Mia]

Does anyone else here have a problem with Christmas music? By this I mean the non-religious music. I have no objection to the religious music. It seems to me that Christmas music celebrates sharing, togetherness, and romance.

I love religious christmas carols, they remind me of my childhood. The rest of it, the shmaltzy, sugar plum, santa, reindeer, cutesy music I'm less fond of. Much of the music was written by my grandparents and parents generation.

Men who returned from the first and second world war who wanted an idyllic home life, with a wife and home and children. And the music written at the time reflected the world they wanted, to alleviate somehow the terror and dread they experienced.

It wasn't real, it was something of a fantasy for many. When I look around me, and actually notice people attempting to celebrate at holidays. There seem to be others, almost as many, who don't.

Much of what is created by a society, any society, is a way to subtly shape individuals into buying things to keep people in jobs, to keep manufacturers churning out product. To maintain the status quo. That, it seems to me is mainly what this music is all about, to make us want what we think everyone has. Rather than decide what we want for ourselves.

 

[Otenba]

I like some of it, and so sometimes sing along. I can tolerate it in shops. Some Christmas songs are better than the top chart tunes. Hope you're going to be okay.

 

[Fino]

I love all Christmas music! Everybody's descriptions of Christmas music sounds like some weird symbolic description of my personality.

I'm sorry you hate it though! Have you tried wearing earplugs or headphones when you go to stores?

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I don't understand why you say that you have an inability to feel.. It completely sounds, to me, like you would feel love and connection with someone if only you had someone to love you.
I might just be imagining from my own point of view.
I find most of the Christmas novelty songs very depressing, and at times they do feel mocking.
Not to mention the Christmas advertisements.

I feel more lonely at Christmas and new year too. Every year I dread the upcoming celebrations (of things that are out of my reach).
I wear headphones when I'm out, and I avoid television. I put my hand up to cover the screen for the first few seconds of YouTube videos so I don't have to see.

 

[tlc]

I know what you mean, and years ago I used to think of it as bad loneliness. Now I think of it as good solitude. Having myself a merry little Christmas is something I look forward to, doing whatever I please and nobody to tell me otherwise.

I like some Christmas songs, but as with any song, I don't like it for the lyrics, but for the sound.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

.... (snip)...

I like some Christmas songs, but as with any song, I don't like it for the lyrics, but for the sound.

I like foreign language songs now, although I only have a few Christmas songs. I like the sound, and generally merry vibe, without the specific information/ message in the lyrics (possible only due to my ignorance and lack of understanding foreign languages).

 

[SusanLR]

I was given a Christmas CD two years ago that is totally different to just Christmas songs.
It was called the glass project by Werner Stange Titled Sounds of the Season.
No singing, I just like the sound. It wouldn't matter what type of song.
It is unique in sounding much like a carillion of notes.
Created through altering the thickness and vibrational quality of glass.
Like those wine glasses filled with water you've probably seen where the musician rubs the tops
and makes different sounds.
It is much more intricate than that, but based on the same principle of creating sounds from glass.
I cannot find anything about the album. It's as if it never happened.
I have been playing it in the car as I drive lately. I like the sound.

Perhaps you are right about not having to go through the pain of heartbreak. But which is worse: the temporary and bittersweet pain of heartbreak, or the pain of ongoing loneliness. I have no way to tell. My inability to feel does not reduce my need to feel or connect with people. I can honestly say I have never in my life even had a friend, as I understand the concept. Lot of acquaintances, but no friends.

I'm with you there. Same difficulty although I have known both.
I knew these deep emotions of love and bonding with my parents, but, that was all.
I can like certain people, but, to know the bond that fulfills, no.
Perhaps it is because of my lack of trust in those feelings. The belief that no one would ever
be capable of the depth of loving trust I desire once they knew everything about my past and
personality combined with the part of me that just can't be comfortable with others.
You ask which is worse, heartbreak or lonliness.
It is hard to say. Had I never known that closeness with anyone in my life, I would say
the loneliness would not be so bad. But, having known it, makes what's left in life very empty.
It's like having known heaven only to be kicked out to know hell and what it is like to desire that
one drop of water again, knowing you will never.
My hope is to find a way to grow use to that longing so the sting someday will lessen.

 

[Progster]

Alternative Christmas song

 

[SusanLR]

This is a part of the use of glass as in the Glass project album I like:

 

[Moomin]

I like some Christmas songs. Not all but some.

I think the problem here isn’t really about “I hate Christmas music” you are taking the songs in and observing other people and their interactions with each other and it’s making you wistful for what you want but haven’t had yet. I say yet because anything can happen. So don’t discount it from never happening. It’s not really about the Christmas songs or Christmas (going by similar threads from others unless you really hate Christmas...) but really the highlighting the fact that you’re feeling lonely and isolated, and the holiday brings this all to the front of your mind for you. Hence the “slap in the face” feeling. It really is hard and it does hurt, so I’m not at all dismissing this. I have similar feelings like this regarding Valentine’s Day.

If you have to go to a store,can you not take your own music and listen to that?

Maybe a Christmas holiday support thread might be needed, so people who do feel lonely or are alone can at least have someone to “group support “ them on the day and maybe in the run up? No one should be alone for the holidays.