Childhood friendships and the opposite sex

[Meg]

I have had the experience, that because of my aspie thinking behavior , and obsessions I grew up being closer to boys and having more male friends ( I am cis female). I just wanted to know if anyone else has had that experience. Also, as a junior high/high schooler, I felt compelled by peer pressure and some bulling to be more feminine and all my friends became girls, I hated it. I didn't act or talk like the other girls, they were to giggly and boring. When they would ask me to ask a boy out for them because they were to nervous, I felt awkward, mainly because I spent my childhood playing sports with the guy, and guys were more direct and straight forward. These girls were annoying. But I continued this role.
The girls became mean, manipulative, and backstabby, and I was so confused. I wished I could hand out with the less complicated guys but the acted different towards me , maybe because of me new friends or my new body, I don't know! It was some much easier in grade school, the binary wasn't as extreme. I felt like all my hobbies and interests were no longer appropriate and I was supposed to just play tea party, talk about boys, and act like a dumb Barbie doll. Puberty felt awful and foreboding of a menial existence. Sorry to make it sound so dire, but to a confused adolescent, it was. Also the fighting was different, when young with boys we would just yell and hit each other, then it was over with the girls it seemed like I was paying for something I did not even know I did for months with glances, remarks, rumors, and sneers. What did I do! They never told, I think 10 years later they are still mad, sometimes I wish we would just punch each other , like the boys, and be done with it.

 

[photoaddict]

I did fine with girls when I was little because my primary obsession was horses. By the time I hit junior high, though, the girls were so mean that I couldn't stand being around most of them. I don't wear makeup much, I don't like to dress the way most girls do, I hate shopping... I spent most of my teen years with guy friends because they were nicer. I guess they were less aware of the fact that I'm socially inept. It probably helped that if I listen to conversations enough times, I start picking up on whatever they're interested in and can sound like I know what they're talking about. I still have a lot of guy friends, but I have a few girl friends, too.

 

[Moomingirl]

I can relate Meg. All through my childhood I got on better with guys than with girls. I have had two female friends through my whole life, and both of them were the same as me - straightforward, non girly girls. I don't wear make up, I don't go clothes shopping for fun, I couldn't have conversations about that kind of thing, and most women would either bore me to tears or drive me crazy.

Even now (at 40) I find it much easier to relate to guys than to women. I just understand them better and find them more straightforward.

 

[OddGirl]

Most of my friends in school were either boys or other girls who were considered tomboys. Like most of you, I didn't wear makeup or go in for stereotypically female interests like fashion and celebrities. I just didn't give a damn about clothes and hair or which celeb was screwing who. Still don't. I find the feel and scent of cosmetics disgusting... like I just swam through an oil slick. Ugh! Don't wear makeup, never will! I've also never cared about clothes and wear only what is comfortable and offers decent concealment. I will never wear something tight or revealing.. Ick! I was considered strange among the girls because I never played with dolls. I hated them! Those dead, plastic, staring eyes! Enough to make me shudder even now. I preferred playing with plush toys, model cars, more male-oriented toys.
I had some female friends in HS, but my best friend was a boy. Like many of you, I found the social world of girls far more catty, mean, and indecipherable. There was so much negativity and drama in female relationships. One had to be aware of so much more silly minutiae with girls... Who stared too long at whose boyfriend, who wore what to school on which day, who said what to whom. I just didn't care about that kind of social navel-gazing. It seemed so stupid and pointless. So I hung out with tomboys and the geekier guys, and we talked about science fiction, horror movies, computers, ancient history. You know. Fun stuff.

 

[Cali Cat]

Most of my friends while growing up were boys. I usually had one best girlfriend who was a misfit like myself, but all the rest were guys. I found (and still often find) NT girls to be superficial and boring. I, too, preferred how boys could get over minor disagreements without the pettiness that girls seem to have. I still prefer men over women as friends, and I have no female friends at the moment IRL.

 

[Etzelaire]

Most of my friends throughout my life are females because they tend to be kinder. If I can choose between asking something to a male or female I'll choose the second one.

 

[Harrison]

Growing up I had about four friends, all male, once I hit sixteen all my friends were female and that continues today. My male acquaintances are all gay or married to my female friends.

 

[Cali Cat]

Most of my friends throughout my life are females because they tend to be kinder.

I find it interesting that males frequently consider females "kinder," while many females think of their own gender as being petty and downright mean. It seems there's a "one-ups-manship" going on between males, and a sort of jealousy going on between females. It's like both sexes are sexist against their own kind.

 

[photoaddict]

Most of my friends throughout my life are females because they tend to be kinder. If I can choose between asking something to a male or female I'll choose the second one.

Be careful expecting all girls to be nicer. If you catch me when I'm too tired or stressed to filter, I'm probably meaner than most guys. I'm nice when my filter is working. When it's not, I'm very, very blunt. I tell it like it is and the truth can be really painful--especially from me.

 

[wyverary]

i went to high school in some odd places, and it was very rare that I was friends with *anybody* who fit any sort of traditional gender role. My closest friends now happen to be female, but maybe that's because I feel more comfortable being emotionally intimate with them...I have guy friends, sure, but the conversations and relationships with them are almost completely different. While I believe it is a gender thing, it could be more my own built-in prejudices, as I see myself as much more emotional (at least outwardly) than most males my age. I don't know...maybe I should try it out sometime with one of these "guy friends." I've tested the waters a little bit, and it's promising.

 

[Etzelaire]

I find it interesting that males frequently consider females "kinder," while many females think of their own gender as being petty and downright mean. It seems there's a "one-ups-manship" going on between males, and a sort of jealousy going on between females. It's like both sexes are sexist against their own kind.

Once again, I totally agree with you.

 

[Sarek]

Growing up I only had one or two friends that were my age if any, and they were female too. I grew up in a very small school and all the boys hung out together, it was very clicky. Honestly, I hung out with the teachers more than I did kids in my class. I felt a lot closer to them too. Everyone else seemed to just shut me out. In middle school my best friend was the lunch lady. I would spend the whole period talking to her as much as I could.

My closest friend now even is almost ten years older than me (I'm 23). And I still live in constant fear that she secretly hates me..

 

[Meg]

It is so interesting the different experiences among genders and their own vs the opposite, I wonder if it has anything to do with, obsessions, aspie traits, the jealously and competition, or even how one identifies? It is so curious.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

This has been my experience as well. I'm male, and growing up my best friends were female (since kindergarten). I have a lot more female friends now as well. I have had some male friends, but my experience with them has been more negative then with my female friends, and I found their conversation topics really uninteresting. They were always talking about football, cars or wars, while with girls I could talk about books, dreams and other more open/emotional subjects.

Some boyfriends I had in school ended up bullying me, others moved away, and when I met them later, they had almost always turned into assholes. My friendships with girls tended to be longer lasting and I felt more at ease when with them. My latest strong guyfriend ended our friendship out of the blue (as I have detailed elsewhere) so at this point, I tend to avoid becoming too close to guys. Interestingly enough, a lot of my female friends also had/have more male friends, so I think @Cali Cat raises an interesting point here;

I find it interesting that males frequently consider females "kinder," while many females think of their own gender as being petty and downright mean. It seems there's a "one-ups-manship" going on between males, and a sort of jealousy going on between females. It's like both sexes are sexist against their own kind.

My biggest worry with girls is that they think I am looking after a relationship with them and are creeped out, when I'm really not. I'm asexual and really just like having friends. I think girls might have it a bit better in this regards (from speaking with friends): It is easier for girls to obtain male friends, while many women tend to view males who want to become their friends with suspicion (at least at first). One of my best friends thanked me for staying friends with her after she told me she has a boyfriend. She said that a lot of male friends drop her completely when they learn about it while for me it actually makes things easier as they are unlikely to think I am trying to hook up with them. It seems like women have it hard when it comes to these friendships in other ways...