Can't stay motivated.

[Iamnotarabot]

Simple questions for all of you here, I'm guessing some people might relate to this problem...

We all change our mind and all but I think in my case this is another level , an unhealthy level.

For instance yesterday all evening I was convincing myself that I should stop video game and start caring about my life because at this point i'm just a looser on every level, deleted everything in my computer , writting stuff down to keep my goals, blablabla.

The day after I just dowload everything back and buy another game.


What is this in your opinion? and how do you deal with that?

Btw im just doing nothing at all just waiting for my games to be dowloaded back.
And I know I am wasting my life.

 

[Misery]

Well, here's the thing: why do you think you need to completely stop your hobby/interest like that in order to get anywhere?

It sounds like you're looking at this with an all-or-nothing approach: Either you're spending ALL of your time gaming, or you spend NONE of your time gaming. That type of approach overall, is indeed unhealthy, but it's not just unhealthy in relation to gaming. Whereever you try to apply that type of thinking... its' still going to be unhealthy.

As someone who has been a gamer since forever (and who has outright benefited from that in many ways... believe me, it doesnt automatically make you a "loser"), I can tell you... you dont need to do that. It's the same as any other interest or hobby: you need to just have some control over it. You cant take any one thing... whether it's a hobby or a job or something else... and let it be all that you do.

So it sounds like that's the big problem here. Why not try mixing things up a bit? Add some new activities to your day. A new hobby, perhaps. I mean, even as into gaming as I am, if it was literally the only thing I did, I'd go out of my mind. So I found a couple of other hobbies/activities that I can do. And that's been a good thing indeed.

 

[OkRad]

You are not a robot and you are not a loser Your posts are always very thoughtful and make me think.

Something I do when I get brain lock is one small thing. Literally. It could be the smallest thing, like walk across the room and throw away that piece of a twig that got tracked in. Then, while you are there, one another small thing.

You would be surprised how that can cascade.

Then, the other thing I have done to break a bad spate is the Screw It strategy. This is where I just go ahead and do something big and huge and don't care. (Big and huge and SAFE, might I add).

For instance, filling out an application to a good college and then, uh-oh. I got in. But then you get excited and you just keep saying Screw It, I'm doing it. The big things carry you along.

I have a friend who is 56 and female. She up and decided to do the entire Appalachian Trail. Alone. She is Aspie and she did it. I still can't believe it.

But don't do anything rash on my advice! If you end up getting eat by a bear, OKRAD is not to blame

But anyway, my point is one small thing and another and another, or the Screw It! Those are the only two things I can think of to pop out of a rut with goals........

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Does it make you happy? If so then how is it a waste of your life? Just make sure you don't end up in financial distress and game away.

The way you act is not strange or unhealthy at all. It is completely normal. Humans are creatures of habit and once habits are formed it is a total pain to change them. Your habit is to game all day, you are not just going to change this overnight. This is a process that takes years in order to fully change.

There's something called the 5 minute method. It works like a charm for working out. If you have to do something (for changing habits, etc) you just do that thing for 5 minutes. Even if it would normally take an hour (which is daunting) you instead commit for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes you are free to go back to whatever you wanted to do instead.

For me the end result is I end up just doing everything I needed to do.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I'm a looser guys Its nice to tell me otherwise but i'm 26 and in the same situation as a 16 yo , in my parents home doing nothing, it seems weird but this is how I need to think about my self If I want to get back on track, I dont know how to think otherwise.

I'v always had an all or nothing approach..
When I start exercing I spend hours looking at the exercices trying new diet and all, and If I dont do that I just do 0 exercice...

Same for video game, it's the thing iv enjoyed most in life; I was used to video game at an early age and after that everything revolved around video game for me after 10yo.

I got throught hightschool almost by accident and now im just stuck in life since 18 and I game away my life...

The thing is it doesnt make me happy as it used to be..it doesnt make me grow as a person anymore and I think i need to move on...but I can"t...

In addition, if I play a game I get obssessed by it, like I think about it non stop and this is also bad.

If you got the magic trick that would make me play just once in a week I would be happy but no i cant...

Its like food if I eat something good I just eat the entiere thing...iv always been like that...

I dont know how to organise my self at all neither.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

I'm exactly the same dude. It takes effort, there's no magic trick.

What do you want to do? Then start doing that. Slowly start cutting back on gaming time in favor of these new interests. No new games because if you are anything like me a new game equals staying up till 7 AM and barely doing anything else.

If you can't motivate yourself, commit to 5 minutes every day of a number of new things that you want to do.

I was a "loser" as well, now I'm not. And I figured out that being a loser is pretty good. How do you define it anyway? Most people would probably still label me a loser. Just make sure you are at the very least an economically responsible loser. Get on your own 2 feet and go NEET.

 

[OlLiE]

basically its more fun in the short term to play video games than to sort your life out which is a hard long term task with no immediate benefit or reward

that's why in the good old days we learned 'discipline' / 'delayed gratification'
- looking past short term pleasure and recognising the long term benefit
- doing what is right because its right, not because its convenient or fun
- persevering when things are no longer fun or entertaining,
i can guarantee you no one ever asked me whether i found school, homework or chores 'entertaining'

a few other of those long gone concepts are good manners, discretion, modesty, consideration, being reserved, and having respect for the people that are bankrolling your life as well as all of society through the taxes

 

[Peter Morrison]

I think I understand what you are doing that is making you feel you are some kind of loser. You aren't a loser. I can identify with your dilemma because it took me a half a lifetime to understand what I needed as a person on the spectrum. I became my own worst enemy by thinking a certain way about everything. I am still the same way on numerous occasions, but I am aware of it. That is not a cure, but it does help me.

I grew up in a wonderful home, but the structure and patterns of daily life were chaotic to me. I gave in to the chaos, but it didn't help my emotional development or my sense of self at all. I just accepted it because I felt I couldn't change it. I developed coping mechanisms that were reactionary to the environment. I would not be able to rely on the structure of the household to facilitate me and any special needs I might have. I was obsessed with always knowing the time, I would organize my room as an all day project, and I could never put my hands on things around the house that I wanted because they weren't always in the same place every time. This drives an AS kid crazy. It still drives me crazy.

Let me get to the point. I believe that many AS people suffer from a need to do things in absolute terms. We spend a lot of time examining what is wrong with us, so we become mired in the confusion of finding order and identifying the culprit. Uncategorized details confuse us when we are sifting through everything going on around us that we know has to change. We love to do things completely, so we maintain dedication to the issue, but the issue itself confuses us. In that state of stress, we can easily make rash decisions that turn out to be a mistake, or a waste of time. On top of that, we beat ourselves up for not being able to manage the chaos, and we lose our confidence to fix our issues. The energy drain alone makes it hard for us to think. We give up and we blame ourselves for our inability to function at an acceptable, happy level.

I know that what you are going through is causing you a lot of grief. I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Stop blaming yourself for all of these issues.

As OkRad stated, you are clearly an intelligent person. I agree. Your comments reflect your insight. By analyzing your habits and personal needs, you can identify methods to bring order into your life. I had to learn to develop a workable structure for my daily and weekly habits that would facilitate the order I needed. This didn't come overnight. I had to build it slowly, but I remained open to the possibility of making mistakes in judgment. Here is where "patience" is most important. I am human, and I have ideas, but I can fail from time to time like anyone else. I needed structure and I took steps to understand what I needed to maintain order in my environment and in my head. Having order improved my memory and kept a lot of unnecessary issues out of my head. I started to believe in myself again.

 

[Misery]

I'm a looser guys Its nice to tell me otherwise but i'm 26 and in the same situation as a 16 yo , in my parents home doing nothing, it seems weird but this is how I need to think about my self If I want to get back on track, I dont know how to think otherwise.

I'v always had an all or nothing approach..
When I start exercing I spend hours looking at the exercices trying new diet and all, and If I dont do that I just do 0 exercice...

Same for video game, it's the thing iv enjoyed most in life; I was used to video game at an early age and after that everything revolved around video game for me after 10yo.

I got throught hightschool almost by accident and now im just stuck in life since 18 and I game away my life...

The thing is it doesnt make me happy as it used to be..it doesnt make me grow as a person anymore and I think i need to move on...but I can"t...

In addition, if I play a game I get obssessed by it, like I think about it non stop and this is also bad.

If you got the magic trick that would make me play just once in a week I would be happy but no i cant...

Its like food if I eat something good I just eat the entiere thing...iv always been like that...

I dont know how to organise my self at all neither.

To be honest, instead of worrying about much of this other stuff... I rather think your real focus should be on getting rid of that all-or-nothing approach.

I promise you this: if you hold onto that, it wont matter if you change your hobbies or interests or whatever. Your pain will remain, because that's exactly what that type of approach does to the people that truly embrace it. I've never encountered even one exception. Not one.

One way or another you need to find a way to outright *force* yourself to not do that. Wanna do a game? Time to add some sort of additional rule to it. Set an alarm that goes off after an hour or two. And when it goes of... you *must* stop and do something else.

But there's more to it than just that.

The OTHER thing you need to do is to stop telling yourself you cant manage it. The moment you do that... you've already lost the battle. Hell, you're coming on here and all I'm seeing is "I cant do this, I cant do that, I cant do anything" (yes that's not EXACTLY what you said, but it's the attitude behind it that's the same) and that's the direct opposite of the way you need to think. And note that word there: "need". I promise you another thing: If you DONT change your attitude, then you're right: You wont be able to do the things you need to do, because you'll have effectively poisoned yourself before you even start.

I've been where you are, I've gone through what you've described. I dont call myself "Misery" for nothing. But I was able to get through it, and the very things I describe here are why.


But there's one last thing you need to think about: The definition of being a "loser". The reason you're thinking like that is because this is what our braindead society has drilled into your mind. I actually see alot of gamers (and people into similar hobbies) that believe the same stupid thing. That BECAUSE they are gamers, they must be losers that suck at life. You know what? I've been a gamer since I was three (according to my parents). BECAUSE of this hobby... not in spite of it, but BECAUSE of it... I've had many things occur. For one thing, my reflexes and coordination are *fantastic* to the point of being very abnormal. My mental processing speed is also incredibly fast. I gained an interest in computers, learned alot about those. I made new friends. It even led to me travelling, entirely on my own, to go on certain trips... something I never thought I'd be able to do, but dagnabit, it happened, and I now do it frequently. I even had a chance to make and release a game, and I often work with developers for testing to help them out. In other words... it's been VERY beneficial (and fun).

And honestly? Chances are, you have gained/improved, via this hobby, some of the very same traits that I did. Traits that could lead you to very beneficial things. However... those traits will be repressed as long as your attitude remains as it is. This is a simple fact.

You dont need to rid yourself of any hobby, or anything like that if you dont want to, in order to accomplish what you want. And you CAN accomplish it. But it wont just happen for you. It's up to YOU to see that, and to change your attitude to allow yourself to make it happen. And if you give up now... I promise you, that regret will stay with you for a long, long time. So dont give up, and get rid of that defeatist attitude.


Now, as for the bit about organizing... feh, that part is overrated. I'm about as organized as a tornado, and I'm fine. I doubt I'm the only one in this place that can say that.

 

[Mattymatt]

Caring about your life and playing video games seem to be fairly mutually exclusive. Video gaming can be a very good hobby so long as it is not all-consuming. If you enjoy video games, then depriving yourself of the enjoyment isn't healthy.

 

[Lysander]

You can slap me if I'm off base, but the problem you're having is that you have massive anxiety around some of the things that you need to do. For example, enrolling in a university may involve updating your SATS. Another example would be waiting by the phone because while you're looking for work, any minute someone might call you and you have to be alert all day just in case.

I could be totally wrong, but I can tell you that for me personally, I'm not self aware of my anxiety. I can avoid something forever and never realize that I'm doing it.

 

[George Newman]

We here what you are saying. Do what you feel you need to do. We support you and have confidence in you.

 

[Theta.G]

What is this in your opinion?
Thinking it's one of 2 things...

1. The need to disassociate. If you aren't absorbed in a videogame, tv show, project or hobby then unresolved issues seem to crop up more often. There was a time i got very sick and couldn't see or hear properly for weeks. So entertainment was no longer an option, bedridden the only company was myself. After a few days depression set in and got deeper and a week into things got pretty rough mentally.
If idle hands are the devils play thing then an idle mind is the devils theme park.

2. Game addiction. Like many others been gaming since childhood. 2 years of age was playing kung fu on nes while laying upside down looking in a mirror and playing with the controller upside down. Lol

Spoiler

http://img.brothersoft.com/screenshots/softimage/s/spartan_x-138469-1.jpeg

Anyway back then the ways in which the mind was hijacked were more primitive. Fast forward to modern day and big gaming companies are already well aware of how to get people addicted to their games in multiple ways both subtle and obvious. Through the screen the content can make you produce certain hormones or chemicals it can make you have certain physiological responses..


and how do you deal with that?
Ride it out until you get bored of the game. Then when you get bored of the game and look for something new to play maybe instead search for a different interest that can keep you absorbed.
For example i got into game development and told myself i would work on it every single day without fail. Did this before even starting. Programming, animation, character design, level design, working in psych exploits, overall design of game mechanics there was enough to keep things fresh... if you start getting bored of programming you could design characters. If you got bored of that you could make some rough notes on features to add then got pseudo code theories on how to implement it. If you get bored of that, animation.
It was going pretty well... got overworked one day and couldn't work on the project for a couple days. That's all it took to break the motivation. Missing a day or 2. Then just like that was back into being absorbed by playing another game instead of creating one. Maybe you could promise yourself you would work on it 5 out of 7 days or 6 out of 7 days on whatever interest you choose... May have the same effect for dedication.

Alternatively you could get help by finding a good psychologist and working out the issues so you may not need to disassociate anymore.

 

[tducey]

It does take effort, I agree. Learn to take breaks so things don't get to boring for you. Also learn to focus a bit more too.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thank you all realy you helped me on that.

I need to stay away from video games for a while I think, not for a lifetime but for now and maybe later I will play again, I dont even enjoy them as I use to I just burn my time in them and try to escape my responsibilities.

I am supposed to move to my away to a house (still with my parents kek) in a few weeks or months , depending on how many time my own aspie father( that doesnt know it) needs to get himself together hehe.

Meanwhile I just removed my computer from my room , in the next house we will have a seperate room for my computer that I will share with my parents aswell,it will prevent me from playing all day and I will have my room just to work on my business.

Until then I will just use my old handled computer that cant play the game I play just to go at unni /internet browsing and use word on it.

I will still need to work on my global computer/internet dependency aswell but this is a good start I guess.

I will try to update this thread , I have to take back my life.