Can Aspies Be Codependents?

[Coxhere]

I did a search regarding Aspies possibly being codependents.

Here's what I found:

Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome (often referred to as "Aspies") may experience unique challenges related to codependency in relationships.

Understanding Codependency

• Codependency involves an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often leading to unhealthy dynamics.
• It can manifest as one partner prioritizing the other's needs over their own, potentially leading to imbalance.

Aspies and Relationship Dynamics

• Aspies may struggle with social cues and emotional reciprocity, which can complicate relationship dynamics.
• They might find themselves in codependent relationships due to difficulties in asserting their own needs or recognizing unhealthy patterns.

Common Traits

• Difficulty with communication and expressing emotions can lead to misunderstandings.
• Aspies may have a strong desire for connection, which can make them vulnerable to codependent relationships.

Potential Strategies

• Therapy can help individuals recognize codependent patterns and develop healthier relationship skills.
• Support groups may provide a space for Aspies to share experiences and learn from others.

Considerations

• Each individual's experience is unique; not all Aspies will exhibit codependent behaviors.
• Awareness and education about both Asperger's and codependency can foster healthier relationships.

 

[Nines9]

I think they certainly can and it's actually fairly common in my view.

I think it's an offshoot of pathological demand avoidance which I notice happens in autistic adults too.

I think a problem with modern understanding of autism is that it's heavily regarded as a child's disorder and research into adults is not very mature yet.

 

[Hypnalis]

Are you looking for ways to confirm or disprove that you might be ASD?
IMO this cannot be done by looking at comorbidities.

Individual HFAs are within "human normal" parameters for almost everything. And "general intelligence" well above 100 (say 115/120 and above) makes it practical to operate comfortably (in most, but not all respects) in the NT population.

AFAIK there are statistic biases (e.g. I think we have a higher probability for ADHD, same-sex attraction, talent for the particular kind of abstract thinking that's useful in IT, etc), but something that shows up in a statistically meaningful population of already-diagnosed ASDs isn't useful for diagnosing a single HFA individual.

To polarize it: imagine you have 75% of the conditions that are known to be more common in the ASD population that the entire population. That would be indicative, but in isolation a relatively weak basis for an ASD diagnosis.

Meanwhile, as a HFA you're difficult to select out from that larger population, because you can mitigate every defining factor so well that "nobody" (probably not even you) can make an accurate diagnosis based on them.

That doesn't mean there's no way forward for you of course. But I think you should be looking at the core factors that characterize ASD, not the incidental stuff that's statistically associated ex post.
And that you need to look within for the long-suppressed or misinterpreted indicators of ASD.

BTW the method I criticized above is a logical fallacy with (IIRC) a name in old "church Latin" that I can't remember.

Every statistician knows it. As does anyone trained in logic - which isn't many these days: most non-STEM Western education these days is more focused on promoting the ability to accept contractions rather than to identify and resolve them

 

[Jonn]

It can manifest as one partner prioritizing the other's needs over their own, potentially leading to imbalance.

Do you consider altruism a type of codependency?

AI Overview

Altruism is the principle and practice of concern for the well-being of others, involving actions that benefit others, even at a cost to oneself. It's essentially acting selflessly for the benefit of others, without expecting anything in return.


Here's a more detailed explanation:
Core Definition: Altruism is characterized by selfless concern for the welfare of others. It involves actions that are motivated by a desire to help others, rather than by self-interest or personal gain.


Key Aspects:

• Selflessness:
  Altruistic actions are performed without the expectation of reward or reciprocity.
  

• Benefit to Others:
  The primary focus of altruistic behavior is to benefit another individual or group.
  
  
• Potential Cost to the Altruist:
  Altruistic acts may involve some sacrifice or cost to the person performing the action.
  
  
• Motivation:
  Altruism is often linked to empathy and a desire to alleviate suffering.
  

Examples of Altruistic Behavior:

• Helping someone in need:
  This could include offering assistance to a stranger, donating to charity, or volunteering time to help others.
  

• Protecting others:
  A mother bear protecting her cubs is an example of altruistic behavior in animals, even though it may involve putting herself at risk.
  
  
• Sharing resources:
  Giving food to someone who is hungry, even if it means going without, can be an act of altruism.
  

Altruism in Different Contexts:

• Social Sciences:
  Altruism is studied as a social phenomenon, exploring its evolutionary basis, motivations, and impact on society.
  

• Biology:
  In biology, altruism is observed in various species, including bacteria and insects, where individuals may sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the group.
  
  
• Ethics:
  Altruism is considered a virtue in ethical frameworks, often seen as a moral imperative to care for others.
  

In essence, altruism is a fundamental aspect of human and animal behavior, demonstrating a capacity for selfless concern and action that benefits the well-being of others.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Do you consider altruism a type of codependency?

In some cases...yes. For example, the wife and mother who consistently puts her children's and husband's needs ahead of her own, leading to a progressive decline in her own mental and physical health. Then, when the children grow and leave the home, they suffer from "empty nest syndrome" and if their children are not replaced with someone or something to take care of, they are a bit lost.

 

[kriss72]

I did a search regarding Aspies possibly being codependents.

Here's what I found:

Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome (often referred to as "Aspies") may experience unique challenges related to codependency in relationships.

Understanding Codependency

• Codependency involves an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often leading to unhealthy dynamics.
• It can manifest as one partner prioritizing the other's needs over their own, potentially leading to imbalance.

Aspies and Relationship Dynamics

• Aspies may struggle with social cues and emotional reciprocity, which can complicate relationship dynamics.
• They might find themselves in codependent relationships due to difficulties in asserting their own needs or recognizing unhealthy patterns.

Common Traits

• Difficulty with communication and expressing emotions can lead to misunderstandings.
• Aspies may have a strong desire for connection, which can make them vulnerable to codependent relationships.

Potential Strategies

• Therapy can help individuals recognize codependent patterns and develop healthier relationship skills.
• Support groups may provide a space for Aspies to share experiences and learn from others.

Considerations

• Each individual's experience is unique; not all Aspies will exhibit codependent behaviors.
• Awareness and education about both Asperger's and codependency can foster healthier relationships.

Interesting... sounds both plausible and unfortunately... relatable...

 

[Rodafina]

Considering that forming and maintaining healthy relationships is a challenge for so many of us, it reasonably follows that some of us will form pathological dynamics within our relationships.

Codependency is a maladaptive way to try to feel a close human bond while simultaneously lacking something within (usually security and independence).

Trying to feel close to others and failing is a feeling I am quite familiar with and I am pretty sure I am not alone. Sometimes, desperation can lead us straight into an unhealthy dynamic.

 

[Aspychata]

Or as a continuation of @Rodafina 's post, only toxic job choices may throw us back into codependent relationships, because we try to add the cons and pros of either.

 

[Judge]

Yes, as pointed out in an above post, it's a very real consideration for some of us.

Yet another link:

Autism and Codependency: Unraveling the Complex Relationship

Ironically I thought of Jerry and Mary Newport, the autistic couple who married/divorced/remarried whose relationship was the basis for the film "Mozart & The Whale". (Worth Seeing)

Though some sources interestingly enough cited them to be "interdependent" rather than codependent. Anyways a film that really speaks to me as an autistic person.

 

[Coxhere]

Are you looking for ways to confirm or disprove that you might be ASD?
IMO this cannot be done by looking at comorbidities.

Individual HFAs are within "human normal" parameters for almost everything. And "general intelligence" well above 100 (say 115/120 and above) makes it practical to operate comfortably (in most, but not all respects) in the NT population.

AFAIK there are statistic biases (e.g. I think we have a higher probability for ADHD, same-sex attraction, talent for the particular kind of abstract thinking that's useful in IT, etc), but something that shows up in a statistically meaningful population of already-diagnosed ASDs isn't useful for diagnosing a single HFA individual.

To polarize it: imagine you have 75% of the conditions that are known to be more common in the ASD population that the entire population. That would be indicative, but in isolation a relatively weak basis for an ASD diagnosis.

Meanwhile, as a HFA you're difficult to select out from that larger population, because you can mitigate every defining factor so well that "nobody" (probably not even you) can make an accurate diagnosis based on them.

That doesn't mean there's no way forward for you of course. But I think you should be looking at the core factors that characterize ASD, not the incidental stuff that's statistically associated ex post.
And that you need to look within for the long-suppressed or misinterpreted indicators of ASD.

BTW the method I criticized above is a logical fallacy with (IIRC) a name in old "church Latin" that I can't remember.

Every statistician knows it. As does anyone trained in logic - which isn't many these days: most non-STEM Western education these days is more focused on promoting the ability to accept contractions rather than to identify and resolve them

I don't remember the woman who made a comment that she was tired of others taking advantage of her and not appreciating her. Her statement is what made me think, first, of empathy and then, second, of codependency. I understand that these two do not diagnose a person as having an ASD. I was just trying to encourage this woman to think about whether these two things would be helpful to her in, perhaps, understanding her situation in feeling exhausted and unappreciated. As for myself, I only know that I have several ASD-like characteristics. I think I'll look in the DSM-V-TR and see what it says about this disorder. Having reviewed the criteria for an ASD diagnosis, I don't meet all of them. I wouldn't be diagnosed as being on the Spectrum.

 

[Coxhere]

Do you consider altruism a type of codependency?

I remember that we students in an honors sociology class in undergraduate school discussed the concept of altruism. I said that altruism doesn't really exist because altruism is defined as is the principle or practice of UNSELFISH concern for or devotion to the welfare of others.

No one is "unselfish." If nothing else, a person wants to feel good when helping another living creature. That's selfish and self-centered. I remember defining altruism in that classroom back in 1971 as "after having every last need met, a person could possibly be considered altruistic. However, a person's every last need being met is impossible. Doing good is meeting a need. So, doing good is not unselfish." Psychologists say that a person always has the motivation of getting something in return for giving something.

An even bigger question than "Do you consider altruism a type of codependency" is "Do you consider a human's relationship with a god or goddess is codependent?" I think it is.

 

[Judge]

I remember that we students in an honors sociology class in undergraduate school discussed the concept of altruism. I said that altruism doesn't really exist because altruism is defined as is the principle or practice of UNSELFISH concern for or devotion to the welfare of others.

No one is "unselfish." If nothing else, a person wants to feel good when helping another living creature. That's selfish and self-centered. I remember defining altruism in that classroom back in 1971 as "after having every last need met, a person could possibly be considered altruistic. However, a person's every last need being met is impossible. Doing good is meeting a need. So, doing good is not unselfish." Psychologists say that a person always has the motivation of getting something in return for giving something.

An even bigger question than "Do you consider altruism a type of codependency" is "Do you consider a human's relationship with a god or goddess is codependent?" I think it is.

I see altruism more often than not as just a mechanism of the super-rich to sanitize and preserve their legacy when they opt to retire from being an active oligarch. As if it was a frail gesture of seeking absolution for past dark deeds in the pursuit of avarice.

 

[Rodafina]

I remember that we students in an honors sociology class in undergraduate school discussed the concept of altruism. I said that altruism doesn't really exist because altruism is defined as is the principle or practice of UNSELFISH concern for or devotion to the welfare of others.

No one is "unselfish." If nothing else, a person wants to feel good when helping another living creature. That's selfish and self-centered. I remember defining altruism in that classroom back in 1971 as "after having every last need met, a person could possibly be considered altruistic. However, a person's every last need being met is impossible. Doing good is meeting a need. So, doing good is not unselfish." Psychologists say that a person always has the motivation of getting something in return for giving something.

An even bigger question than "Do you consider altruism a type of codependency" is "Do you consider a human's relationship with a god or goddess is codependent?" I think it is.

I’m happy to read your perspective on this. I think about altruism in the same way.

This perspective doesn’t devalue the act of kindness toward others either. It turns it into a sort of symbiosis or a win-win for everyone.

 

[Coxhere]

I see altruism more often than not as just a mechanism of the super-rich to sanitize and preserve their legacy when they opt to retire from being an active oligarch. As if it was a frail gesture of seeking absolution for past dark deeds in the pursuit of avarice.

Judge, great big smile here! I agree with your comment. It's well-stated. From your definition, there IS a reason to have a definition for the word "altruism." I'd always thought that the word "altruism" was just a non-word until reading your post. Thanks!

 

[Coxhere]

I’m happy to read your perspective on this. I think about altruism in the same way.

This perspective doesn’t devalue the act of kindness toward others either. It turns it into a sort of symbiosis or a win-win for everyone.

I thought I was "sticking my neck out" here. But I'm now glad that there's more than one neck that's being stuck out!

 

[Rodafina]

I thought I was "sticking my neck out" here. But I'm now glad that there's more than one neck that's being stuck out!

 

[Coxhere]

Call me an idiot, but being altruistic for purely that reason alone has clearly not been defined here.

Anyone performing any "random" or "whimsical" act (out of kindness) is usually doing so to prove (to himself or others) that he is different by doing what may not necessarily be expected at the time. This is a completely self-serving act.

I'd defined "altruism" in an earlier post as "the principle or practice of UNSELFISH concern for or devotion to the welfare of others."

 

[Coxhere]

View attachment 144172

At least our heads aren't buried in the sand, Rodafina!

 

[Jonn]

In some cases...yes. For example, the wife and mother who consistently puts her children's and husband's needs ahead of her own, leading to a progressive decline in her own mental and physical health. Then, when the children grow and leave the home, they suffer from "empty nest syndrome" and if their children are not replaced with someone or something to take care of, they are a bit lost.

But that would happen in any close relationship, even if it is one involving a mutually/reciprocating one.

 

[Jonn]

Interesting... sounds both plausible and unfortunately... relatable...

Indeed.

There is no doubt I was codependent in my very first romantic relationship.
A very, very painful experience that drove me away from other potential romantic relationships for many years.