Boyfriend w/Aspergers wanted 'open relationship'. Can you help me try to understand?

[KateDubs]

Well, I deleted him from Facebook. Might not seem like a big deal but for some reason I was finding it really hard to do! Feel like a weight has been lifted. Neither of us ever really post anything either way - but it was more that every time I was on messenger I'd see him online and get a little dopamine hit with 'seeing' him. Apparently one reason we replay our memories with exes is to keep getting our 'hit' of the person even after the break up.

I know I can add him again in future months if that's what I want to do.

 

[grimmy]

All I can really say is 'Open Relationships' are not directly related to autism. Autistic people can prefer them, but no more then the general population. It is possible, perhaps probable they prefer it less on average. But that is just my observation, and not based on and studies, etc.

The only reason autistic do like them if they do, is that in a open relationship you are far less tied down and pegged in. Makes sense to me.

 

[Aenea]

Sex is easy. Romance is arduous in comparison. Something for any NT woman to consider IMO as they stray into a relationship with a male on the spectrum.

I have to disagree. To a NT woman the whole "your touch is too soft, the sheets are too smooth, the room is too light, I only like sex with you when you wear patent leather pants while having sex" routine is NOT easy and frankly very exhausting.

 

[Bolletje]

I have to disagree. To a NT woman the whole "your touch is too soft, the sheets are too smooth, the room is too light, I only like sex with you when you wear patent leather pants while having sex" routine is NOT easy and frankly very exhausting.

That’s rather specific, not really a standard Aspie thing.

 

[Tom]

I have to disagree. To a NT woman the whole "your touch is too soft, the sheets are too smooth, the room is too light, I only like sex with you when you wear patent leather pants while having sex" routine is NOT easy and frankly very exhausting.

I have to agree with Bolletje. That is far from standard for Aspies. I for instance prefer we wear medieval reenactment armor in Bouncy Castles.

 

[Judge]

I have to disagree. To a NT woman the whole "your touch is too soft, the sheets are too smooth, the room is too light, I only like sex with you when you wear patent leather pants while having sex" routine is NOT easy and frankly very exhausting.

That just reflects his and your attitude to sex- not mine.

But then it was never my intention to imply what's easy for me is easy for anyone on the spectrum, let alone NT partners. Apart from our traits and behaviors being on a spectrum, we're really quite diverse on any number of levels. Though I would agree with @Bolletje that his sexual proclivities don't sound particularly familiar either.

For me the very subject of romance remains confusing as opposed to sex in general. Romance seems fraught with ritualistic behavior without practical purpose.

As for other autistic males, you'd have to poll them as to whether they agree or disagree. I suspect you may get a very wide variety of responses rather than any impression that we're in lockstep of that particular subject.