• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Blamed!!!!

I live in a house with my NT partner and her daughter and I feel that I'm blamed for everything...I'm the one that argues, is sarcastic etc. it's NEVER any one else and I have to suck up and apologise.
 
I see. That really sucks. I hated one day when I lived with someone during my childhood they keep comparing how better their child is compare to me. When I moved out and lived on my own, then they go on how much better I'm then their child. Though them saying I'm better than their child helped me feel better, but at the same time, if I was a parent, I would never say anything like that. I find that the worse thing parents do is trying to compare children. Rather than compare, it about helping the person that having trouble.
 
Thanks Sportster. At least it's not me. If I've done something wrong I'm the first to admit it but I'm getting so frustrated with it. And obviously my partner's daughter is team Mum so I don't stand a cat in hell's chance!!!
 
The plot thickens Sportster. I was given an article to read by said partner about how difficult it is to have a relationship with an Aspie. I totally lost my temper with it and said that I was fed up with the blame being put in me and feeling in the wrong all the time. She reckons that I cause her stress and anxiety, that I put her down and am sarcastic yet she couldn't give me any examples!! She said she would raise each example in the future so I've said I'll raise it every time she or her daughter takes the mick out of me. Needless to say we're not speaking! Sorry for the rant but I feel I have no one to turn to [emoji35]
 
I'd think known minorities tend to make excellent scapegoats for known majorities.

One must balance the advantages of publicly declaring their neurology versus keeping it in the closet. Not an easy decision for many of us...
 
Yeah. I've found that, since I told my gf about my autism, she's been less likely to understand and compromise during arguments and more likely to place blame and demand that I change.

When she thought I was "normal" she was more inclined to see my differences as just that; differences, with no real value judgement placed on them. But now, knowing where they come from, she seems to see them as abnormal and therefore wrong.
 
I use to feel that my parents and brother where a team and I was out of it. Not so much now, besides I don´t live with them anymore, but I get that feeling of being the one whith whom nobody agrees. Not so much "blame" as being the one that causes problems.
 
Nope. I think differently from others and vice versa. It's not about blame so much as disagreement in my family. Decisions have to be made, and, historically, I was the odd one out and usually lost/got outvoted in group settings. As time wore on, however, many times peeps ended up wishing they'd listened to me. Now I tend to win more votes.

Experience keeps a dear school, but a fool will learn in no other. Just wait, one day people will realize that being different doesn't make you "wrong" or "blameworthy." It just makes you different.
 
Charlotte Antell-Collins said:
I am always blamed for pretty much anything and everything
Click to expand...

Makes sense. Heck, I feel compelled to blame you right now for making a statement so general that it could not possibly be accurate. I mean, it's not like anyone is blaming you for the state of affairs in the middleeast. Or maybe they are? Did you deprive them of their peace? Was it your fault? Do I need to roll up a newspaper?

EDIT: ^ was a joke, for the record.
 
I'm the scapegoat in my family-of-origin, too. They don't know about my dx, but I don't play the codependency games anymore, so that makes me an easy target for the "bad guy" label.

Just an hour ago, I called my mom for a work-related discussion she wanted to have. She got mad because I didn't want to chit chat first...nevermind we're both under deadlines today. She got mad when I agreed with her, got mad when I pointed out something I didn't agree with, and got mad when I asked for clarification on stuff. Pointless. I just decided to let her be mad and go about my work.'

DH was sweet...he sat and let me vent about it for a half hour.

Maybe we could form a Scapegoat Club?
 
Sal26 said:
I live in a house with my NT partner and her daughter and I feel that I'm blamed for everything...I'm the one that argues, is sarcastic etc. it's NEVER any one else and I have to suck up and apologise.
Click to expand...
I get the same treatment. It's a constant issue with my husband. I think it's because I have a tendency to internalize everything my husband says as an attack against me, so I respond as such. My husband needs to learn to specify when he's mad AT me and when he's just mad in general and I need to learn to remind myself that it could be one or the other and to ask, so that I can catch myself before it turns into a tiff.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom