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Aspychata

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Okay, so they call as always, they need support, they suffer a lot and need guidance to stay focused because of their particular mental illness.

But tonight it hit me that l don't want to talk on the phone. Like silence is my new friend. Like l don't even want music on.

Do you go through stages? Plus this person talks about all the Autistic traits then gets upset when l tell her those ARE all the traits. Like over-focuses, doesn't like to deal with people, needs to space out after social interaction.
 
After work, I really needed silence. The phone ringing would cause my breathing to change and I'd be startled with my heart racing. My thought was 'what do they want from me now?' for me to listen, to sell me something, to rant about their job? It seemed like they were taking my peace away.

Eventually I bought a landline phone with an answering machine as part of it, so that rich Nigerian princes or people who want to fix/infect my computer, or help me save money on electricity can leave messages.
 
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Think since l have started therapy, l am processing more emotion and l was irritated after l got off the phone with them. This person is quick-tempered also. So we both can blow up on each other but tonite l worked through it and didn't say something bad and hang-up on them. I am in therapy because l constantly push people away. Now l am processing the emotions and working on not responding with angry because it's unhealthy and very unkind and l can't do this to the people l truly care about. There was some good out of the bad. l don't feel as nice as l use to be. I feel my frustration and recognize it faster in situtations instead of pushing it down. Think this emotion repression was a survival skill to get me through childhood.
 
I let the phone do the answering with a message machine.
After all, there are only two people whom I speak with.
The rest are solicitors or somebody reminding me of an appointment.
My message I have on the phone's message machine is: "At the sound of the tone, you know what to do!"
The robo calls don't know what to do.

I like total quiet sometimes, but, usually I have the ambient sounds station playing in the house.
 
There are very few people I like talking to on the phone. My grandmother and my parents are the exception. Especially since my grandfather died, my grandmother gets lonely and sometimes she just needs to vent. Even though her stories are often inane I like talking to her because she’s just an incredibly sweet and loving woman.
Other people know they can call me all they want but I just won’t pick up the phone. I prefer communicating by text.
 
Aspychata said:
Okay, so they call as always, they need support, they suffer a lot and need guidance to stay focused because of their particular mental illness.

But tonight it hit me that l don't want to talk on the phone. Like silence is my new friend. Like l don't even want music on.

Do you go through stages? Plus this person talks about all the Autistic traits then gets upset when l tell her those ARE all the traits. Like over-focuses, doesn't like to deal with people, needs to space out after social interaction.
Click to expand...
You have a right to limit these phone calls. You have a right to say why, or not say why. You know, some people will use you as their unpaid therapist, but that itself is a burden and one you are not prepared to carry.
 
There are times I have nothing left to give.
To anyone.
I flip the ringer on my phone off.
Mute the outside world while I recharge.

Those that know me well,
know I'm a rubbish 'therapist'
I can try to be all empathic and understanding,
it can come across as a bit weird though.
It doesn't come that naturally.
(unless it's something I've been through myself)
 
When I have absolutely nothing left to give those around me I discover the fulfilling aspects of self-sacarfice, care, patience, and love when I give just a little more .... when I care just a little bit deeper.

We want someone to care when we need someone to care and so do others. It just might be our part to make the world a better place. I want to care when someone needs me to care.

Of course the solicitors can leave me a message and I can answer the phone or door or not but what might I be missing if it’s my friend or an acquaintance? The chance to make a difference in someone’s life is real no matter what I might be dealing with and I got shi* believe you me.

I used to think I simply did not have time to recharge my batteries. That I wasn’t gonna recover in time for the next work day or event or issue. I find the time.

I like this post because I see myself in it. I see my need for quiet. I am also reminded that I need to give my life a chance to make a difference for someone who needs someone.

Thank you for the post.
 
I like the quiet - spend half the day every day in quiet. I especially appreciate the quiet after spending 30+ years with kids in the house - never a quiet moment. But all those years also taught me to tolerate the noise so, when the grandkids come and running through my apartment screaming and playing monster, I'm fine with it. :) but I wouldn't say I ever miss it.
Phone calls - I ignore unless it's one of my kids or my one sister. The rest are usually for a Heather, who apparently lost the phone number while in Baptist hospital, who apparently accumulated some debts and who's car warranty is about to expire - so I don't answer those. Oh and most my kids just text. I love text - until it becomes a long conversation, then I'm like - if you got that much to say, just call me. I hate my phone going off every two minutes for an hour or whatever.
And I think I'm not too bad at being a support person or just an ear most the time. My problem there is when my youngest daughter calls venting - I handle it worse than it I were the one dealing with the stuff. The "Don't mess with my kids" attitude comes out. lol
 
Okay. l am dealing with this person better. I always move away out of state and then end up being friends. Kinda of funny. This person is more focused and l got them to look at the negativity that the father had piled on their head. This person has really blossomed after acknowledging father's horrible message of you are a idiot. It took some crying and breaking down and now it's beautiful to see them take back the control instead of playing dad's message over and over. It's very surprising. And they examine their internal feelings more so it's really beautiful. l should have counseled has a career option. l am the idiot now.
 
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