Spotty01
Well-Known Member
If by "lady-type" you mean "girly" or something like that, then I'd actually be the farthest thing from; I'm a tomboy to the core. And I don't think "people-watching" is creepy at all... not to me anyway, since I'm guilty of it too, usually on the side when I'm doing something else like eating at a restaurant or shopping at the mall.I am guessing you might be a lady-type person? I know ASD presents different in women, and women tend to be more social in my experience than men, if you will permit me the observation (some might say it is a sexist observation, but political correctness is really more of an NT thing - all I care about really is accuracy). I wish I could relate, but I just don't get lonely much if ever. The closest I come to lonely is bored, in which case I sometimes go to the food-court at the mall and people watch. I don't talk to them, just watch. That's probably creepy, but I don't stare anyone place too long to avoid giving people the wrong idea (boy have I learned this lesson the hard way). It's like watching a documentary unfold. That's about as social as I need.
I wish I knew how to help. Like you said, in a lot of places, there are no ASD "clubs." I had a friend once who might've been on the spectrum, and I did enjoy hanging with him. We shared similar obsessive interests. Then he got married, and his wife hated me. No more friend. I do miss him, and so I can sort of relate to what you're going through a bit.
All I can say to encourage you is that, as they age, NT's tend to like people for more legitimate reasons than in HS or even college. Reasons like whether you are nice or interesting rather than what sports team you were on. If you really want to, then you'll have NT friends in the future. It's not beyond your abilities.
Now that I think about it a bit more, I sometimes wonder if I only want to be sociable and interact with other people because I feel like it's the "normal" thing to do. I've been told my whole life that I "need to get out more", that I need to "talk to other people more", and that I'm "too quiet/too shy/too introverted/too etc.", to the point where I don't know anything different. When all you've ever heard is that being anything but a social butterfly is "wrong", then it gets to the point where you start thinking that way too, even if it's not what you really want.
Every time I make another thread on this site and read all of the responses, I realize that this site is practically a Godsend for me. I've never actually talked to another person on the Spectrum IRL or heard a perspective regarding the matter from anyone that isn't neurotypical. This is just what I was taught, but it's a mindset that I really, really wish I could break.