Ed#
Unboxed
I was a member here for a short time back in 2023, three years ago. At the time, I thought I might be autistic. I was exploring the subject -- reading books, watching videos, listening to autistic people describe their experience. I found a lot of similarities between myself and autistic people, and I found some significant differences, too.
After a couple of weeks of exploration, I decided that I was not autistic. However, now three years later, I'm back again. I am wondering again whether I am autistic.
The reason I'm wondering that is because when I come across internal descriptions of autism (as opposed to clinical presentations), I resonate with a lot of it. In fact, I've compiled a list of nearly 200 descriptors that autistic people use that fit me, more or less. That's a lot of similarities.
I also see that, in retrospect, some of how I ruled out autism for myself three years ago was based on my own misunderstanding. For instance, I ruled out a lot of autistic symptoms because they were also descriptors of high introversion. I wrote them off as "Well, that's just my introversion, not autism." I didn't comprehend that you could be both. Seems obvious now, but at the time it didn't. I also ruled out autism for myself based on professional clinical descriptions of the syndrome. Now I understand that those can be misleading, and it is better to look at autism from the inside perspective, from the internal POV of the autistic person. I have also learned more about the "spectrum" nature of autism, which has expanded my views of what autism can encompass and how different it can appear from individual to individual.
So anyhow, I'm back to take another look at the question. For context, I'm 64, male, single, divorced 20+ years ago, living in the southern US. I'm late to the party. I used to be a psychologist, although I'm retired now.
I've always been the odd one out, on the periphery of groups. I've managed with decades of hard work to develop some level of social skills, but they did not come naturally at all. I was slow to speech early in life and still have trouble finding words. Constructing sentences face-to-face can be challenging for me, especially if the conversation goes on for half an hour or more. I do ok, but it takes a lot of effort, and I'm usually tired afterward. I have always had very few friends, maybe one -- usually another "weird" kid or adult. I spend most of my time in solitary activities or with my dog. Always got along better with animals than people. I don't dislike people, but I do find them tiring and difficult to connect with.
I guess that's enough from me.
After a couple of weeks of exploration, I decided that I was not autistic. However, now three years later, I'm back again. I am wondering again whether I am autistic.
The reason I'm wondering that is because when I come across internal descriptions of autism (as opposed to clinical presentations), I resonate with a lot of it. In fact, I've compiled a list of nearly 200 descriptors that autistic people use that fit me, more or less. That's a lot of similarities.
I also see that, in retrospect, some of how I ruled out autism for myself three years ago was based on my own misunderstanding. For instance, I ruled out a lot of autistic symptoms because they were also descriptors of high introversion. I wrote them off as "Well, that's just my introversion, not autism." I didn't comprehend that you could be both. Seems obvious now, but at the time it didn't. I also ruled out autism for myself based on professional clinical descriptions of the syndrome. Now I understand that those can be misleading, and it is better to look at autism from the inside perspective, from the internal POV of the autistic person. I have also learned more about the "spectrum" nature of autism, which has expanded my views of what autism can encompass and how different it can appear from individual to individual.
So anyhow, I'm back to take another look at the question. For context, I'm 64, male, single, divorced 20+ years ago, living in the southern US. I'm late to the party. I used to be a psychologist, although I'm retired now.
I've always been the odd one out, on the periphery of groups. I've managed with decades of hard work to develop some level of social skills, but they did not come naturally at all. I was slow to speech early in life and still have trouble finding words. Constructing sentences face-to-face can be challenging for me, especially if the conversation goes on for half an hour or more. I do ok, but it takes a lot of effort, and I'm usually tired afterward. I have always had very few friends, maybe one -- usually another "weird" kid or adult. I spend most of my time in solitary activities or with my dog. Always got along better with animals than people. I don't dislike people, but I do find them tiring and difficult to connect with.
I guess that's enough from me.
