Anastazia75
New Member
Today I turned 41 and I haven't felt so miserable in a long time. Just a few weeks ago somebody with experience told me she suspected me being 'on the spectrum' for whatever that meant. Her suspicion was correct. Whatever list I find, about 80-90% of Asperger traits sound at least a bit too familiar. Now I am in the process of getting diagnosed, not that there is any doubt in my mind. I feel gutted, because some of my perpetual goals (such a really connect to the ones I love) can be disgarded. At least, that's how I feel. To make things worse my partner is on the spectrum too, apparently. And definitly not on my side of the whole ordeal. He seems to be trying to do whatever he can to make things worse. He wants to ´confront´ me or something. He is in my hairs constantly and makes me retract and then he gets really angry calling me the most horrendous things. Because he thinks I am not able to love, that I deliberately push him away and more bs. Of course, nothing wrong with him. Although I keep explaining that his behaviour is not exactly helping, he keeps insisting. Just a few hours for my b-day he started another bout of bullying. So now, in the middle of the night I am writing this very dark intro, feeling utterly disconnected, confused and sad. I hate being an Aspie, all my talents...I would swap them rightaway for just having a chance being ´normal´. And then I would probably tell my man to take a hike. Oh, wait I can tell him anyway. Sorry, for my rant.
