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Avoiding Socialization

Granta_Omega

Granta_Omega

Well-Known Member
Did you ever find that you had habits of trying to avoid socializing and verbal communication? I always found I would generally avoid talking to people in person if I could and would only go to social activities if I was bored and there was food or games involved. People generally bore me though, and I would only want to have conversations that I could be the center of attention in, but not want to just make small chit chat.
 
Heh, at times this seems to be my daily thing.

I really, really, really need to be in the mood to mix in with other people, otherwise I'll just refrain from going out to avoid interaction at all. And considering I pretty much live in my room at my parents house, I don't even interact as much with them... just because I don't have any desire to.

It makes it a bit harder to plan activities with friends or my girlfriend I guess. I have a party coming up, but I don't think I'm interested in going just for the sake of not knowing if I'm in a social mood that day. I have less problems planning to go to a bar/club, but obviously when you know people that are there (I mean, you're invited to said party) I guess there's a certain amount of interaction involved... and that to me feels quite forced.

Thinking back at it. About 5 years ago I frequented a gaming store and made a lot of "friends" there. Yet, the main reason for me to go there was because I was an avid Magic: the gathering (a cardgame) player (well, I still am and have been for 15 somewhat years, but I don't play it that much nowadays except online) and they had tournaments going on. The fact that I eventually ended up socializing with a group of either fellow players or just random people hanging out there pretty much depended on my mood, and was not my primary reason to be at that place at all.

Similarly; as I've posted here or there on this forum; The local music scene. I was part of it, and to some I'm still a familiar face. As a result I'd often end up in conversations with other musicians in the area if I were to attend a gig of another local band. The main reason I'm around is not for conversations but to check out a band. I'm quite sure that by now people think I'm rude for not being all chatty all the time but I don't care... if that keeps them from conversing with me, more power to me, lol
 
I was a pretty sociable kid and teenager, but I would do something really strange. If I had a friend over for a play date I would find myself bored after a little while and then go off and do something by myself for a little bit then resume playing with my friends. There was only one other kid I played with that didn't mind that behavior but all of the other children would get upset. I was better able to deal with this as a teenager, I still did it but a lot less than I did before and I did it a little more stealthily (the first one awake at a sleepover, a little longer in the bathroom than average, etc.) I don't really have any friends now so it's no longer an issue.

I find that as of late my reluctance to socialize and interact has grown exponentially. And it's not just a "I can handle people at work but want to recluse at home" it is all across the board. I have started to really dread going to work and the thought of getting a second job (which I'm going to have to do since my job keeps cutting my hours) is both scary and exhausting. I even have trouble talking to my landlord's to ask to use the washing machine. I'm panicking a little bit inside now since my last load is in the dryer and I'm going to have to knock on the door and tell them I'm finished. Yikes!
 
I have always tried to avoid unnecessary socialization. I do like to be with friends in smaller, quieter settings. If I do find myself out at a party or a bar or something, I generally leave early or just kind of hover next to my best friend because she makes me feel more comfortable. But I highly value my alone time and silence.
 
With my present lifestyle I don't have to try very hard to avoid communicating with most anyone for most anything. I minimally talk to store checkers and food vendors...and have a club meeting once a month where sometimes I say very little. Less stress, but it gets lonely at times.
 
I'm happy to socialise with my friends, but anything involving talking to businesses or prospective clients of my business I try to do over email if I can. I just don't do well with people I don't know. Heck, sometimes I screw up with people I DO know, even family.
 
Sass said:
I'm happy to socialise with my friends, but anything involving talking to businesses or prospective clients of my business I try to do over email if I can. I just don't do well with people I don't know. Heck, sometimes I screw up with people I DO know, even family.
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Yes. I get nervous with people I don't know....making me apt to say very little with them at first. So awkward....ugh.
 
Judge said:
Yes. I get nervous with people I don't know....making me apt to say very little with them at first. So awkward....ugh.
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I try not to say much, it's better than what I usually do, which is nervously over-share information and interrupt :S
 
I talk at work because it's well-structured and there are work-related things that need talking about (which is different from socializing). I supervise a bunch of people, so that gives me a built-in audience, but I have to pay careful attention to whether or not I say too much, show too much enthusiasm, voice too strong of opinions or say things too directly. When the conversations switches to chit chat, I'm at a loss, so I don't say much and usually leave, which is awkward since I've been told that the way I shut down sometimes seems impolite. I feel most comfortable when I'm directing things, and I feel lost, detached, absent and anxious in situations where I'm not in charge.

In my personal life, I mostly avoid socializing because it's difficult, I don't pick up on social cues, and it produces anxiety since I suck at it so badly. I avoid parties like the plague, but frequently need to attend because of spouse reasons (she's a people person). A meaningful, quiet conversation about things that interest me is often nice, but it rarely happens because I'm told my mannerisms aren't inviting and that, depending on the subject, I switch from being too aggressive to being non-responsive.
 
I've always had an intense fear of being negatively judged, irrationally so. It's to the point where I can easily be distracted from a conversation because I'm thinking of what that person might be thinking of me. It's lead to panic attacks a couple of times, so yes, I do generally avoid socialization.
 
Vexx3 said:
I've always had an intense fear of being negatively judged, irrationally so. It's to the point where I can easily be distracted from a conversation because I'm thinking of what that person might be thinking of me. It's lead to panic attacks a couple of times, so yes, I do generally avoid socialization.
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Strangely this is why I go overboard and over-share, like maybe the next thing I say might redeem me. Funnily enough it doesn't usually work...
 
I barely go outside to socialise other than for going to school and even there I generally stay with my 2 friends most of the day. I don't like eating with new people or being around them for too long as I seem to lose my ability to speak...? I only enjoy conversing with my family, best friends or teachers (teachers because I know exactly what to talk about- the subject (only teachers of subjects I like)). I only meet up with one friend and I make sure he comes to my house. Also, if I don't see someone for a while I forgot how to act around them and it becomes awkward and so I don't see them anymore. I don't like doing things with people but I like doing things on my own so I prefer not socialising. If I see too many people I get really exhausted and I prefer not too be tired. Also people always end up saying my ideas are weird or really different and then they don't ask to hang out again.
 
I go out to eat by myself a lot at pubs and places such as TGI Fridays, so I'll generally be more excited about going out to eat than just meeting people, with having someone there to talk to just being the bonus. I much prefer activities where we are doing something engaging such as shooting pool because there is no social pressure to either make the conversation interesting or want to leave if there is another activity on the side.
 
All the time. It either people don't give a dam what I have to say or I don't relate who the person is talking about.
 
My working day is taxing at a social level. Holding it all together, has me wanting to lock myself inside, when I get home. Its hard to to know if your avoiding socialisation in your free time, when your trying to recharge your batteries, after a day of forced interaction.
 
I do not understand the very idea of 'socializing just for the sake of socializing'.
I can communicate with people I like or with whom I have similar interests but why do I have to meet and contact anyone else?
In the human history that was never a 'norm' - all the public activity was little more than conscious search for opportunities for future: search for husbands/wifes or partners for business connections, or for pleasing and flattering 'upper class' to get on their graces.
It was always an utilitarian approach with a measure of boasting by their own successes and jewelry.
I think the 'socializing' still means the same as before.
So if my needs are satisfied in personal, working and my own interests' connections then it's absolutely fine for me to not be obsessed with desire to meet new people.
It's like reading books, I guess. It doesn't matter how many books a person has read - it's how many of these books he/she comprehended that really matters.
 
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Larisa said:
I do not understand the very idea of 'socializing just for the sake of socializing'.
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I really do fall into this category. If I have to socialise I will grudgingly do it, but if I can find any excuse not to, then I will grasp it like I'm drowning.
 
I avoid the kind of social gatherings where people are just sitting around talking, "socialising just for the sake of socialising" as Larisa mentions above. They are boring. I'm not a very talkative person, and I find I don't have much in common with most people anyway, and I don't follow pop culture. If I can find someone into the same music as me, or who likes sci fi, then I can create some sort of conversation, otherwise there's no point to my being there and I'd rather stay at home. Usually I don't understand what the conversation is about because I don't follow whatever TV series thay are talking about, or they are talking about something I don't find interesting. I'm no good at following conversations I'm not interested in and just tune out.

If they gathering is based round an activity, it's different and I might enjoy it - I like some kinds of games (I mean board games, I know nothing about computer games) or activities. I enjoy eating out as long as the place isn't too noisy or crowded, but when the food finishes and people are just talking I get bored and that's when I get up to go for a little walk outside :)
 
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