Autistic child with the repetitive "I don't know" answer

[Granta_Omega]

I'm a bit confused here, you're diagnosed?

How often are you going to meet him and for how long?

We had a simple exercise for our kids when they got to tell us every Monday how their weekend was. It's a good simple question that cannot be answered by "I don't know."
If he does that, you can easily counter it by saying something like "Oh really?! You don't remember what you did? Common now!" Put yourself on a friendly level.

It's fine to not know much about racing cars as long as you're capable of asking decent questions that he can explain.

Does he go in normal classes? How is he coping with the curriculum?

He is in general education classes. Special Education laws require students been in their least restrictive environment for learning.

 

[Granta_Omega]

I meet him for lunch about once per week, maybe twice if time permits. I was diagnosed back in May.

 

[zurb]

We had a simple exercise for our kids when they got to tell us every Monday how their weekend was. It's a good simple question that cannot be answered by "I don't know."
If he does that, you can easily counter it by saying something like "Oh really?! You don't remember what you did? Common now!" Put yourself on a friendly level.

Oh my, don't ask me about the weekend, I can't even remember what I just had for breakfast. Now that you've challenged my answer, my brain really is blank! (Unfortunately, one doesn't get the impression one's teacher will cope with the honest answer. As 'dunno' was the wrong answer, I'll try shrugging. Maybe she understands body language better)

 

[zurb]

If he's anything like me, he probably appreciates to some degree the effort you make, but until he relaxes, the only answer you will get is 'dunno'. This takes time. Quizzing would clam me up. Sharing some small life stories may help, but don't overdo it, especially if he can't see the relevance, or it seems like manipulation. Don't be afraid of silence. Be a friend first, counselor second. Playing a game together may help build the relationship and help him relax. There are games aimed at creating conversation that may help, but let him share at the level he feels comfortable with.

 

[epath13]

Well... he did tell you about his family, you could take from there and talk a little bit more about it. I haven't read other posts so I don't know if anybody mentions it, but I'm still going to say it - try to avoid general questions. When you receive a short answer, ask a followup questions. As for asking a middle schooler about future... I'm sure a lot of kids have no idea, regardless of a diagnosis or its absence some kids might come up with something, but many don't really know... I think. You can talk about your own diagnosis, if you want. Ask him if he's ever wanted to become more social or approachable... learn as much as you can about him before advising anything, and don't just tell him what he should do. Ask what he thinks about your opinion on social matters. There's plenty of things you could discuss with a kid like that, just need to try different approaches. ..

 

[Granta_Omega]

He did say his future goal was to work in a pit crew for Nascar. He doesn't know what he wants to study in college. I was just asking to see if he thought about it. Many kids actually do think they know what they want to do in college even if they change their mind later.

I wanted to be a vet back in 7th grade, then a lawyer, then I was a real estate agent for awhile, and now I'm training to be a teacher. I mostly was asking for something of interest to talk about. If he said he wanted to study history or something, that would be a topic that we can talk about for awhile.

 

[zurb]

He did say his future goal was to work in a pit crew for Nascar. He doesn't know what he wants to study in college.

Next question is what skills does he need to work in that environment? What training would he need?
Example skill is teamwork. So how do we improve teamwork? So now you're into an area you may be able to help in an area of his interest.

 

[Granta_Omega]

Next question is what skills does he need to work in that environment? What training would he need?
Example skill is teamwork. So how do we improve teamwork? So now you're into an area you may be able to help in an area of his interest.

I like that.

The issue is also that I am not a trained social worker, so I only really know what to say from personal experience.

 

[Charlotte]

I used to be the queen of answering with 'I don't know'. And in my experience, it might not be anything that you are doing wrong. When I was younger, if anyone asked me a question, my mental process would literally seize up and I couldn't think to come up with an answer. So I would just answer with 'I don't know'. However, if I was given time to think about a question, and then write my answer down, it was much more successful.

 

[Granta_Omega]

So since I've already had two meetings with him and tried to get information and got mainly just the basics, I'll put aside the probing for information method since we've been introduced and gear it towards discussion of getting to know him and letting him be comfortable discussing what he wants. I was trying to come up with the idea of a board game, but of course you probably know what his answer was when I asked what kind of board games he was interested in.

 

[zurb]

Choose a game where he can demonstrate skill/knowledge, not one based on pure luck.

If you have a small group (hey, even if you don't), you could try playing 'apples to apples' with the explain your reasoning option for some light hearted discussion.

Or for something slightly deeper, try 'the art of conversation'.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I didn't know what I wanted to study in college until I was in my 20s. When I was in middle school, it was still my goal to grow up and be a professional dog. High school was spent coping with the fact I couldn't be a well-behaved pet and would have to find a more traditional 9-5. If he wants to be something more normal than me (not that that's a hard goal) by wanting to work a pit crew, why not gently ease him into mechanicking? I remember having some science classes on combustion engines at that age, and I always loved models, so surely those are something he'd eat up. Even if he's never able to be fast enough to work during a race, he could either help behind the scenes, or just work a garage rebuilding and fixing engines and stuff all day.

If you do the models, be careful of the glue! Stuff's evil I tell ya... I think it beats up superglue in its spare time.

 

[Nitro]

As much as you feel the need to steer his ship to other seas to possibly make him more rounded,he may feel he is being pushed. Spectrum or not,many do not respond to what they perceive as pushy. It sounds like possibly you are having a personality clash.Personally if you start questioning the crap out of me and I don't care to answer you,I tune you out and give you generic answers to shut you up. I think you have to keep in mind that each person on the spectrum will respond to answers quite differently and have internal wants and needs that do not follow a pattern of your choosing.
I would strongly recommend using his love of NASCAR as your way of getting in. Learn as much as you can about it and he may respond to what else you have in mind if he gets to feel in charge of his time with you. My love of motorsports made me successful at many things after I was able to apply what I knew about it to other interests. Let him teach you about it if you want to know more,he probably knows a lot about it...unless you don't want to answer his questions about something you are not interested in

 

[May Black]

He is in general education classes. Special Education laws require students been in their least restrictive environment for learning.

Least restrictive as in we force them to try to learn in ways that really aren't beneficial for them unless we notice it really isn't working, but then it's more or less already too late?
With the best intentions in mind of course.

So basically you're like his contact to help him out with whatever might be troublesome during his school week? You're more or less a resource he has access to when he needs advice from someone that might understand why that particular thing is causing him problems. That's quite a nice concept.

Maybe you could try asking how things are going in the different subjects, if he understands everything, needs help with home work or something. That's something you know a lot about and he might be willing to take advantage of that.

Oh my, don't ask me about the weekend, I can't even remember what I just had for breakfast. Now that you've challenged my answer, my brain really is blank! (Unfortunately, one doesn't get the impression one's teacher will cope with the honest answer. As 'dunno' was the wrong answer, I'll try shrugging. Maybe she understands body language better)

I didn't consider that option. Our kids were usually hard to stop and sometimes the information was incredibly boring, like detailed description of what they ate every day, but then again they knew they were going to get asked every Monday. I do see your point.

 

[Peace]

Maybe looking for a subject rather than a technique is not the way to go. The "I Don't Know" answer is a tool to politely avoid a conversation we don't want to have. No room for small talk.
Personally, I would try to talk to him about something that I struggled with in a way that indicated that I needed help or advice. He may offer help or suggestions. Another idea might be to offer him some responsibility. You might approach him with the idea that you need help with a project, or maybe even to learn more about Nascar. You might want to know who all of the drivers are with which car number, and he may be able and willing to make you a list.
I think that if he feels like he is filling the important role, rather than the victim role, he may find a new motivation.
Good Luck.

 

[Granta_Omega]

Mostly the questions were just to try and get something he wanted to elaborate on so I could get some information about what to discuss with him that he'd like. I wasn't asking him questions to pester him or make him feel uncomfortable, but the reason I asked so many is because I didn't get anything to go on from a single question really.

 

[Peace]

Then maybe you are not asking the right ones. His brain works differently and what seems logical to you, may not be to him. If you really want to reach him, think on his level.
My advice was intended to help you see this and approach it differently.

 

[Nitro]

Mostly the questions were just to try and get something he wanted to elaborate on so I could get some information about what to discuss with him that he'd like. I wasn't asking him questions to pester him or make him feel uncomfortable, but the reason I asked so many is because I didn't get anything to go on from a single question really.

we don't all walk the exact same walk...you might have invaded his comfort zone

 

[Granta_Omega]

Okay everyone, quit throwing rocks at me. I said I would try something different.

 

[zurb]

Okay everyone, quit throwing rocks at me. I said I would try something different.

Actually, I think you're doing a great job just by trying. If it was me, I'd struggle to know what to do in the heat of the moment. I'm scared I'd just sit there blankly not knowing what to do next. Asking for advice was a good idea, but we all come from different perspectives. And we're like those watching a football match on the sofa at home with all our own opinions - but not actually playing. Some may be more relevant than others. I think what is clear is that 'I don't know' can come from many different reasons. Take what's helpful, but if you can't use it, I don't think anyone will be offended.
If you don't achieve anything else, let him know someone cares. Give him a taste of friendship, and show him it's possible. Wishing you well.