Autism/Asperger's or Narcissistic Personality?

[SomeRandomAspie]

I've met 2 aspies with strong narcissistic traits (both men in thier late 20s and 30s), my dad happens to be one as well... They seem to have alot in common:
1) high IQ... Very intelligent.
2) dysfunctional family background, or was abused as a child...eg. one parent coddled them too much, and the other was either overly tough or completely neglectful or absent.
3) are quite successful in their careers... ie. Financially independant.
4) are active in their communities because they desire acceptance and want to blend in... At the same time they have no genuine friends and have deep seated trust issues and paranoia when it comes to people. Romantic relationships are a mess... They couple up for the sake of blending in and for the sex (or to have kids), but the partnership/marriage (usually starts out intensely, they move fast) is a cold one. Their partner will most likely be a co-dependant, someone vulnerable with low self esteem.
5) are really just 'angry children' on the inside, emotionally immature and carries within them some form of bigoted belief. People they live with will see them as eccentric, insufferable, passive aggressive, demanding, controlling, and at the same time extremely childish in their mannerisms. Like psychotic Peter Pans. Their public persona is that of a kind or friendly eccentric though, decent, mild-mannered.

Anyone of you encountered this type?
From what I've seen, the difference between the narc and the aspie narc is that the aspie narc will have his aspie-related eccentricities (eg. social awkwardness, which he will learn to use to his advantage with time, it helps him appear genuine and innocent) and the regular narc is alot more skilled socially, very smooth. The aspie narc uses narcissism as a coping mechanism, whilst a regular narc is a natural.

Thoughts?

I think that I'm narcissistic. I don't relate to most of your indicators, however, I do have a high level of fluid and crystalized intelligence. My childhood was and is fine. My parent's are there, however, my dad just left to run to target 5 minutes ago. As for financial independence, no I'm not financially independent because I'm under 18, however, I am constantly growing my assets (e.g. stocks). I am active in my community and well respected. I don't have much anger inside. I would say narcissism is not a coping mechanism. I use cynicism as a coping mechanism. Narcissism is just a result of me looking around and seeing how much further ahead I am than others.

 

[NinaB]

Hello Avocado.
I cannot speak about the male aspie narcs because i don't have any contact with them, only with my grandpa, on the side of my mom, who is an overt narcissist but i don't think he's anywhere in the autism spectrum. But i can speak about female because my mom who i think is an aspie, has a lot of covert narcissistic traits. I struggle to identify if something she's doing is because of aspergers or if it's the narcissist in her doing it. But well, what i can say is that she certainly takes advantage of her aspie condition to cover up her narcissistic actions and manipulation. She actually uses it as an excuse...

 

[Fitzo]

I think that I'm narcissistic. I don't relate to most of your indicators, however, I do have a high level of fluid and crystalized intelligence. My childhood was and is fine. My parent's are there, however, my dad just left to run to target 5 minutes ago. As for financial independence, no I'm not financially independent because I'm under 18, however, I am constantly growing my assets (e.g. stocks). I am active in my community and well respected. I don't have much anger inside. I would say narcissism is not a coping mechanism. I use cynicism as a coping mechanism. Narcissism is just a result of me looking around and seeing how much further ahead I am than others.

Being narcissistic and having a personality disorder are two very different things.
From what you've said I have no trouble believing you're narcissistic and think you're superior to others. Hopefully with age comes the wisdom to recognise being Aspie is going to make social interaction difficult enough without shoving your perceived superiority down people's throats into the bargain.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

Being narcissistic and having a personality disorder are two very different things.
From what you've said I have no trouble believing you're narcissistic and think you're superior to others. Hopefully with age comes the wisdom to recognise being Aspie is going to make social interaction difficult enough without shoving your perceived superiority down people's throats into the bargain.

You're definitely right about me not having NPD but rather just being narcissistic. Contrary to most on the spectrum I don't have much social difficulty because I got support at a young age and my Asperger's is very mild. I am narcissistic however I've been trying not to be obnoxious and I've been trying to suppress it.

 

[Fitzo]

You're definitely right about me not having NPD but rather just being narcissistic. Contrary to most on the spectrum I don't have much social difficulty because I got support at a young age and my Asperger's is very mild. I am narcissistic however I've been trying not to be obnoxious and I've been trying to suppress it.

Time will tell in regard to social interaction.
I didn't think I had much social difficulty when I was 15 either. Once you get into dating, university and the workplace you may discover it's a little more difficult than you thought. Although I hope for your sake that's not the case.

 

[Katleya]

I can see the overlap in how both present as well, but I can't form an opinion on NPD and Asperger's. I don't see a reason for comorbidity not to exist, and at the same time, I can't help but wonder if maybe the difference in both lays in intent, but it's a little blurry in my head.

One thing that was raised in this thread, however, and that I am really confused about in general is the manipulative part. I've been called that twice; once by an actual manipulative person, non-Aspie and most likely narcissicist, who was actively trying to undermine and harass me, so I don't think I should give it much weight, but the other time was by someone dear to me, and I felt it was very unfair in the sense that their analysis was based on reactions of mine they didn't understand.

For example, when really overwhelmed, in a heated argument, I might start crying at some point. I'm not crying in order to coax the other person into letting me have my way, it's just an outlet for the built-up stress, nothing more. But because it is a resort for a lot of people who have the intent to manipulate other people, it makes me pass for manipulative.

That's the only one I've identified so far because I'm still trying to figure out which of my "normal" reactions aren't actually part of the "shared normal", but I'm sure some of us who have been called manipulative have had similar things happen to them, i.e. some actions or reactions that were misconstrued, and that when found in NTs would definitely be done on purpose in order to have their way, but in our case might be nothing more than us not realizing that this is not typical behavior.

 

[LogicalMind]

Is it fair...on an asperger girl with a softheart...to be together with a narcissist as you described... but the narcissist has a lot of anxiety...well paid job but terrified at everything

 

[WereBear]

Narcissism is an INFLATED viewpoint of the person's abilities. Look no further than the US "excuse for a pResident" for a textbook case; everything he does is "the best" or "the greatest" with absolutely no regard for facts and reality.

While I could be seen as arrogant about the things I'm good at. Or maybe... I'm just confident