Autism and adults taking care of themselves.

[SimplyWandering]

How does your life as an adult on the Spectrum reflect the age old adage:

" If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will."

?

I know for me, as an adult, I find it very difficult, every day is certainly a struggle...

Paying bills, keeping to a schedule, it seems almost impossible and unfortunately sometimes I play the blame game. That game is blaming someone (god, mother,etc.) for not setting me up or setting me up to fail. :/

As I've gotten older I have become better at certain things and worse at others.

 

[Progster]

Basically, I have to manage, I have no choice because I don't really have a support network in place that many people have. My partner can help with me with many things and I rely on him for a lot of things. I have in the past had a lot of anxiety issues due to being overwhelmed by life's many pressures, a lot of the time I'm operating in survival mode. I've always been good at managing finance, but not so good with dealing other pressures related to work and relationships. I'm not good with dealing with people.

 

[Bolletje]

I've learned to take care of myself. Some days I slack, but I have to pick up the slack afterwards, because not taking care of myself inevitably leads to depression, isolation and obesity.

 

[kay]

I tend to blame family, too. Why didn't they help me with all this stuff??? My mom seemed to think I would just magically figure everything out somehow. It's hard to get past that for me.
But now I am overly dependent it seems on my husband, though he helps me with the stuff I have trouble with and I have very slowly made progress. Anything to do with money other than the ability to create stashes in old mayo jars is terribly difficult for me.
And he helps me out socially. That's good, I have been able to mimic him to some degree and that's made certain situations easier.
But I still am bad with my to-do list and organizing. Feel terribly overwhelmed most of the time. He's not great with some of that either and his systems don't work at all for me.

 

[Anthracite]

I live with my family and I don't think that will ever change. For one thing I can't seem to hold down a job for long (even voluntary) because I get overwhelmed and bored, but I'd also struggle with adulting full time on my own. I'm independent where it comes to keeping myself clean, shopping, taxiing people around etc., but I'm not good at cooking anything more complicated than "kid's" food and I wouldn't even attempt to organise a trip abroad.

I try not to blame anyone (despite my occasional "I hate everything" moments) because at the end of the day it's no one around me's fault. I blame the system for making so many people's lives ****, and completely running over those of us who don't fit in.

 

[Judge]

I know I will die all alone in the not too distant future. Though long ago I came to the realization that I only have whatever resources I can muster entirely on my own to survive. Resources that well, will eventually run out. Some days I shake my head and wonder how the hell I ever made it this far under so many circumstances that should have hastened my demise. Go figure.

My greatest concern at the moment is my memory. Hoping it functions well enough not to forget to pay my bills. I have no backup plan. For better or worse, I'm all on my own. Independent living alone with age is no picnic whether you're autistic or not.

 

[the_tortoise]

Adult life is hard. There are many things I don't seem to manage nearly as well as others do. (Not that being a child/teenager was easy .....I'm not sure I'd even say it was "easier", overall -- just hard in different ways.)

I don't think it is anyone's fault that I struggle. I see it as just the way things are.

 

[Gritches]

My father taught me how to swim by throwing me off the boat as a child and telling me "okay, now learn to swim". Of course, he wouldn't have let me drown, but I didn't know that.

But that was his parenting style, and I thank him for it, or I'd be way for dependent on others to take care of me today. Be afraid to try; don't be afraid to do.

That being said, I do believe in supporting people who struggle with their independence, because everyone's in a different place and you have to meet them where they're at.

 

[tducey]

I still live at home but do manage a lot of my own stuff. I pay bills, I do a lot of shoppping for myself. I also look after our 2 dogs when the others are gone to work.

 

[SusanLR]

My psychologist says I've been stuck in adolescence all my life.
I agree. Always lived with my parents, yet took care of my personal needs and managed the household finances.
Always very good at that.
I really s*** at emotional independence though.
I blame that on my anxiety and panic disorder that I've had all my life. That makes it impossible to exist alone.

 

[Chance]

I had to adapt and become independent at a very young age. I had no support system (that was in any way healthy) except for my grandparents who had very busy lives, and my aunt who was deeply battling an abusive relationship... But they did what they could for me as I was basically shuffled around where ever...

I learned to find stability in the instability all around me... I learned to work (and wanted to work) at a very young age. I was driving tractors, planting, bailing, harvesting, and hauling hay when I was 8. It wasn't easy. I was a little guy so lots of maneuvering and enginuity had to come from my end... BUT in that I started figuring lots of things out.

Over time I came up with lots of personal inventions that let me do stuff full that grown people were doing and doing it better because I had only to focus on what I was doing.

I come from a very abusive situation mixed in with ASD and all the other stuff that makes me me... I found ways to figure out LIFE to a point I didn't need much help from from anyone. I didn't and still don't trust people very much...

I learned that failing over and over is okay as long as I was moving forward and learning every time I failed.

My Grams (who was very smart and very detail oriented) taught me how to wash and dry clothes, do dishes, keep my room clean, and how to cook... She taught me how to build a system to take care of any bills I have and how to take care of my finances... By the time I was 14 I was literally doing full grown adult stuff. I was ordering parts, repairing stuff on tractors that looking back was mostly insane.

ASD (according to how each of us are affected) has its problems, but in other ways I think it has advantages also. I solve most all my own problems and I really do not want anyone solving them for me. I will build ANYTHING I need to help me get what I need done. Others wont do that.

I struggle with some past memories of some really bad abuse stuff... BUT!!! If I had of been coddled and spoiled, and not allowed to fend for myself... I can't help but think I might be much less independant and I might be some needy person who thinks he cant do much.

I screw up little things all the time, but I have a system for paying all my bills, keeping up with all my stuff, and managing my time... It works well UNTIL other people interfere with my system and I tend to get aggravated and upset when that happens... so I also try and keep all my stuff basically out of reach of other people.

Sometimes I feel selfish, but it deeply screws me up and I lose focus on how I function well and that equals a mental train wreck. I have very good habits on keeping all my debts paid. I eat mostly healthy and take good care of myself with a huge amount of thanks to my Grams, Gramps, my aunt, a couple of teachers who saw my struggles and made efforts to help me, my counselor, and the few people who gave me chances when others wouldn't.

I was given a chance with this nightmare golf resort that was tanking... I shocked the crap out of a lot of people and turned it around and it exploded in growth... Now however, my efforts never seem to be enough... Some of that is me being hard on me. Some of it is from A** Holes who are just nothing but weak minded idiots with big mouths. It used to crush me daily... Now I just blow it off until it builds up to the point I either say what I think (which is sometimes brutal) or shut down or both... They usually back off, give me some space and it starts all over again.

So... I am proof, as are many others with ASD, that we can not only survive, but strive in an NT based world. It is hard everyday, but I don't see that I have any options, so I go until I get tripped up and I get into some dark places, but somehow I figure it all out mostly on my own, and mostly I usually shock people with how I do it.

We are different, and we can use those differences and even make advantages that people who are not like us see as nearly miracles, when it's not a miracle at all. Its just hard work and thinking everything through n some methodical nightmare that turns out to be just what was needed to make a screwed up situation become a productive day. Those days turn into weeks, months, and years, then just repeat it till it gets all screwed up and rethink it and go at it from another angle.

Basically I am very simple guy, and in that I weed out the crap others can't get past because they are stuck in some stupid status quo that means NOTHING to me at all. People say we think outside the box... I say, "What box?" : )

Yes, limits are there... But that's where I see things so differently. I turn everything into a challenge and sometimes I fall on my face, or get knocked on my a**... BUT NO ONE can say I don't try and try harder than anyone they know... They can call me stupid, stubborn, whatever... At the end of the day they may be running thier mouths but I will leave them without any words to say 9 times out of 10.

Then I go home and collapse in exhaustion and wonder what the hell I am doing and get lost in this sea of things I want so bad to do with my LIFE...

 

[Mary Anne]

I tend to blame family, too. Why didn't they help me with all this stuff??? My mom seemed to think I would just magically figure everything out somehow. It's hard to get past that for me.
But now I am overly dependent it seems on my husband, though he helps me with the stuff I have trouble with and I have very slowly made progress. Anything to do with money other than the ability to create stashes in old mayo jars is terribly difficult for me.
And he helps me out socially. That's good, I have been able to mimic him to some degree and that's made certain situations easier.
But I still am bad with my to-do list and organizing. Feel terribly overwhelmed most of the time. He's not great with some of that either and his systems don't work at all for me.

At least you HAVE a husband! At 61, all my past relationships have faded. Getting old alone is emotionally, financially, and spiritually difficult. Even though I choose to be alone, it is now really not a good idea.

 

[Mr Allen]

This is why I need to get meself the next Mrs Allen at some point, Mum and Dad are both nearly 70, Mum's 69 a fortnight tomorrow, they can't look after me forever, and truth be told I'm worried that if anything happens to them, the Socials will put me in a care home.

 

[SusanLR]

they can't look after me forever, and truth be told I'm worried that if anything happens to them, the Socials will put me in a care home.

That's the same situation I was facing, Rich.
I was preparing for a care home when I lost my Mom.
If it hadn't been for the man that took me in to be like a caregiver, renter, and all around helper, I would have been there.
I guess finding a Mr. "Susan" for myself would be helpful
if there is such a person for me. He would need to be
patient, understanding, able to show love and hopefully
eventually earn my trust.
Not an easy task in this world.

Hope you @Rich Allen find the one you need in your life.
I'm already psyched for life in a care home if it comes to that. I've lived very simply before and spent six weeks in a rehab home after my cancer surgery, so I know what it is like. A simple daily routine as such a place affords
really isn't that bad as you get older with health problems too.