Aspie parents, what say ye?

[mama_lotus]

Husband and I have been on the fence about a third kid for a couple years. I really like kids, maybe because in some ways I am one.

But now we are out of the sleepless nights and diaper changing phase and that phase is horrendous. #2 was colicky (turns out he and I are both Celiac) and that was a tough, dark year for me.

There are the obvious pitfalls - the money, the space, etc.

But would you do it? Just based on being Aspie and needing down time and/or alone time to recharge? Or would you call it good at 2?

 

[Sass]

I called it a day at two. My daughter is 8 and my son is six. I'm not sure, now that they're older and need different things, that I'd be able to flick back to newborn mode and do that again.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I am not a parent. But from what I have seen, parents of large families have it easier.
This may seem surprising, but I think it's true.
As a professional Infant/Toddler teacher, on a day when only two kids showed up, it was mentally very difficult. But with a full room of kids, I got into the flow and it was easy.
I think the difficult leap is to pass from no kids to one or two. As a dad I knew said "when you have (one or two) kids, it's like all the sudden your life is not your own. It's easy to add another, because by that point, your life is already not your own." Plus, the older kids start to take care of the younger ones, or at least entertain them. (i grew up in a fairly large family).
so if I wasn't single, i'd want a group of kids, not just a couple.

 

[Sass]

That's interesting to hear. My parents-in-law (very NT, although I'm not sure it makes much difference either way) told me that adding a third was a whole new ballgame and made their lives infinitely busier and harder to manage, whatever the long term gains ended up being. I'm not willing to mess with my family dynamic, which can be fragile at the best of times, for a biological urge that I can reason myself out of. If you can reason your way into thinking it's not the best idea (and I mean reason and logic, not excuses), then it probably isn't.

 

[Peace]

Husband and I have been on the fence about a third kid for a couple years. I really like kids, maybe because in some ways I am one.

But now we are out of the sleepless nights and diaper changing phase and that phase is horrendous. #2 was colicky (turns out he and I are both Celiac) and that was a tough, dark year for me.

There are the obvious pitfalls - the money, the space, etc.

But would you do it? Just based on being Aspie and needing down time and/or alone time to recharge? Or would you call it good at 2?

What do you have in your heart? If you really want another child, then all other things are hurdles, not dead ends. For instance, if you are waiting until you are ready financially, you will likely never have another one. Having a child is not something you do because your position in life is ideal, it is something you do despite all else and you find a way to make it work.
That being said, I am at a place where all of mine have grown and moved out, and although unusual, I am enjoying my new life of freedom, and of additional money to play with. Only you know what is best.
I will also mention that friends of mine who are Celiac have great success with changes in their diet. There is a nutritionist that I see (for a different reason) who has helped them live a much more comfortable life. If you would like the information, you can message me.
Good Luck my friends.

 

[dragonwolf]

I've stopped at one, but I never wanted the kids to outnumber the parents, and even dropping off and picking up my son from daycare can get overwhelming for me. Of course, if that's not a problem for you, then it's not a problem.

I also don't really want to go through the diaper and potty training phases again, as they were both a pain and a lot of work.

It is something I've thought about before, though. Sometimes I think about having a younger sibling for my son and hopefully a girl the family can dote on. And then I think about the actual process and how strong-willed my son is and realize that I probably couldn't handle a second one.

 

[GoofKing]

I've been wanting a child for some time but not sure if I'm ready yet ... :/ My girlfriend feels the same way, although we already talked about child names ...

 

[Kelly]

I say if you both want one have one, it may be hard it may be easy, it might be amazing it might be awful, you never know unless you go for it

 

[Ste11aeres]

That's interesting to hear. My parents-in-law (very NT, although I'm not sure it makes much difference either way) told me that adding a third was a whole new ballgame and made their lives infinitely busier and harder to manage, whatever the long term gains ended up being.

My mom said when she had three it was really hard, but when the fourth kid came "everything fell into place."

 

[mama_lotus]

I say if you both want one have one, it may be hard it may be easy, it might be amazing it might be awful, you never know unless you go for it

This is 100% truth. And I am 100% an over thinker. I wish babies came with guarantees.

 

[my_special_daughter]

When i had my third, it seemed natural. I was used to taking care of two on the go and adding a third didnt change much. My second also had problems his first year of life. cried almost every night with tummy problems..it was hars but the moment he was off milk he got better. it didn't stop us from having one more though. Just do what your heart feels.

 

[Structrix]

I was always told that you should aspire to have the amount of children that you would be happy to have at 60. I have heard that once you pass 2 it gets easier because you already have your parenting skills fine tuned. I have one ATM but I want 3. I would not be content otherwise and yes, that newborn phase will be hard but then its over and becomes a very faint distant memory.

 

[Structrix]

This is 100% truth. And I am 100% an over thinker. I wish babies came with guarantees.

I TOTALLY overthought having a baby. I tend to overthink everything and this was no different. It's probably a blessing that my DS was a surprise pregnancy because with all the hemming and hawing that I was doing I probably would never have gotten around to it. But, now, I see how much richer life has been having the little guy around. I marvel at how much he is like me or my husband or how much of his own person he is. It is truly amazing.