Aspie dating

[AspieGal82]

I have had a very hard time dating or making friends. I have dated 3 guys in my life. I wish I could find one nice guy out there. All I got were jerks. I get lonely sometimes.

 

[Judge]

I have had a very hard time dating or making friends. I have dated 3 guys in my life. I wish I could find one nice guy out there. All I got were jerks. I get lonely sometimes.

Welcome to AC! Hang in there....nice people are out there. It's just a bit of a challenge for us as sometimes as there are those who take advantage of our traits and behaviors. In my own case my need for solitude as well as companionship has compromised my past relationships with Neurotypicals. It's a frustrating "razor's edge" to walk at times.

 

[Ereth]

There are plenty of nice people out there, so don't let those three guys spoil your hopes. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are. But first you should learn to appreciate yourself.

 

[Andrew206]

I've had just 3 dates in my life too. All of them were through Eharmony. I'm still looking for someone nice to be with, but I'm also learning to love myself first. I know that special person is out there, and I still have faith.

 

[dregj]

still haven't been on date yet
no replies from the dating sites
oh dear
maybe its my toy fetish

 

[DonRojo]

I would say. Find a guy that actually might like you. Preselect them....some are going to be jerks eventually. Especially if you can guess in advance, you are not going to like me for who I am.
However, there are plenty of guys who will like you for who you are. So don't give up hope.

I suspect the problem is that to get them attracted to you in the first place, works entirely different than them actually liking you. For most Neurotypicals I found that is not so much of a problem. They just get stuck in the first phase . But when it comes to Aspies, you might want to go for somebody that likes (or might like) you inside as well.

Unless you are really look at that moment for something really short term. .

 

[Thesaurusrex]

I also have had a hard time making (and keeping) friends, and dealing with the whole 'dating' thing. For now, I have acquiesced to the idea that friends are just not in the plan - maintaining friendships requires efforts I do not have right now. As for dating... I signed up to a local (well, for my country) dating site, and I would encourage most other aspies to do the same. I put up a forthcoming, open profile, detailing my likes and dislikes, my favourite things and some bits and pieces about me. It was not all sunshine and rainbows, and you are bound to have to sift through plenty of terrible (sleazy) messages and not-so-interesting people, but it has a high chance of paying off - at least for us girls.

 

[DonRojo]

I also have had a hard time making (and keeping) friends, and dealing with the whole 'dating' thing. For now, I have acquiesced to the idea that friends are just not in the plan - maintaining friendships requires efforts I do not have right now. As for dating... I signed up to a local (well, for my country) dating site, and I would encourage most other aspies to do the same. I put up a forthcoming, open profile, detailing my likes and dislikes, my favourite things and some bits and pieces about me. It was not all sunshine and rainbows, and you are bound to have to sift through plenty of terrible (sleazy) messages and not-so-interesting people, but it has a high chance of paying off - at least for us girls.

Going online really did help me. It was like getting one thing under control first. About sleazy messages that sounds like you are a girl. I personally, figuring why not use my disadvantage as an advantage, do advice an open and honest profile. I figured they will find out eventually anyways. So now, the ones that do respond are the good ones that are ready for it. The only real disadvantage for a girl is, you can't trust a guy until you actually met him in person and get to know him. A lot of guys have learned that they won't get there with the truth. So what can I say, that is a a big agree!

 

[Thesaurusrex]

Going online really did help me. It was like getting one thing under control first. About sleazy messages that sounds like you are a girl. I personally, figuring why not use my disadvantage as an advantage, do advice an open and honest profile. I figured they will find out eventually anyways. So now, the ones that do respond are the good ones that are ready for it. The only real disadvantage for a girl is, you can't trust a guy until you actually met him in person and get to know him. A lot of guys have learned that they won't get there with the truth. So what can I say, that is a a big agree!

I think being upfront about your ASD is potentially a good thing when looking for a relationship, regardless of gender. It is something that will come up eventually. I included it in my profile (along with the other things that were intrinsic or important about myself) when I used an online dating site and typically got three kinds of messages:

1) Curious people who apparently had never heard of google, ie.: "What is Asperger's?".
2) Sleazy messages from men who were seeking intimate relations, often the type who thought they could take advantage and/or bully me into it.
3) Genuine people who embraced ASD as a positive, attractive and/or intriguing attribute and were interested in me.

Numbers 1 and 2 were most common, but the people who fit into #3 were well worth the time spent sifting through the rest, and eventually led to meeting my current boyfriend, who is amazing and with whom I have the best relationship I could ever have hoped for. It also led to meeting some other people on the spectrum, who I would not have met otherwise.

It is certainly easier for us girls when it comes to online dating, we have the advantage of not necessarily having to pursue others whereas guys typically have to assume a more active role.

 

[DonRojo]

I think being upfront about your ASD is potentially a good thing when looking for a relationship, regardless of gender. It is something that will come up eventually. I included it in my profile (along with the other things that were intrinsic or important about myself) when I used an online dating site and typically got three kinds of messages:

1) Curious people who apparently had never heard of google, ie.: "What is Asperger's?".
2) Sleazy messages from men who were seeking intimate relations, often the type who thought they could take advantage and/or bully me into it.
3) Genuine people who embraced ASD as a positive, attractive and/or intriguing attribute and were interested in me.

Numbers 1 and 2 were most common, but the people who fit into #3 were well worth the time spent sifting through the rest, and eventually led to meeting my current boyfriend, who is amazing and with whom I have the best relationship I could ever have hoped for. It also led to meeting some other people on the spectrum, who I would not have met otherwise.

It is certainly easier for us girls when it comes to online dating, we have the advantage of not necessarily having to pursue others whereas guys typically have to assume a more active role.

I think I can share a bit of an ashaming secret with the people here. I am not advising anyone to do the same. But it doesn't hurt to read somebodies else his story. Only a couple of years before the break through, I eventually ended up on the most sleazy kind of website, where the girls pursue as aggressive as the man . With no higher motives . I got bombarded with messages. So the only real question was, if only 1% of those messages was real.......gosh that would be great. However I still don't know for sure. But in the end it was like the ultimate training ground. (an expensive one ). But the constant positive reinforcement gave me the confidence to look again to the things that had happened in my life. Using the teaching of my favorite dating guru I noticed.....yes.....there is another explanation.

This in the end let to two very recent ultimate conformations. One I found on this website. Somebody complaining about feeling rejected by a man that might have been Aspie, and me realizing...oh that is me. I have done that so often. Always with the best intentions. But I finally found the words of a girl, and how that ACTUALLY effected her. (thank you). Somehow I feel I should link her to this post, so she realized how much her desperation meant to me. Currently the topic I believe goes on that he should be charged for sexually assaulting her and stuff like that. I cannot speak for the guy in question. But I think I am glad I am not in jail .

And a very important real life encounter yesterday evening. Where I spoke without fear or worry about being rejected or being in appropriate. But that last one was because I made very clear, that breaking up a perfectly happy marriage....is not an act of love . It was like the first time we met. She is the love of my life. Because of meeting her, I became from a slightly troubled ASD, into a complete basket case mental patient to the world. She has, I think, not told the back of her tongue entirely. But she lets me speak and never stopped me. And her silence and positive (non direct romantic comments) where more than enough.

It is said that we ASD have trouble reading human emotions. I found this to be untrue. What I did found is that NT's have a part of there brain, that allows you to learn the translation of body language on young age. (I am revering to the Mirror Neuron Mirror neuron - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I am capable of reading body language like a an NT. Experience of age tells me, even better. But to me, it was always a bunch of alien garbage. But with the bravery of Indiana Jones (when somebody fixes me up, maybe even his roughs good looks (probably not, but you get the drift)). The dedication and talent of Yuri Kknorzov, and the open mindedness of, not sure if I go for Emperor Hirohito, Hillary Clinton, Tim Kelly. Sorry tuffy, to USA based . And I am afraid I have to admit that I had an NT partner in crime when it comes to that . Who is a current or historical figure that is open-minded? ....but I managed to translate it. Though I would say...I am basically at the 1952 Drevnyaya pis’mennost’ Tsentral’noy Ameriki phase. And the most amazing thing, once I got the NT "Esperanto" covered, all the other dialects where a piece of cake .

I can say this though. For my personal life. My kid, may he please be as autistic as me , I will stop any tense situation with a pop quiz question, what is daddy thinking or feeling right now? And when he/she is wrong, I will kindly give him the honest and best answer to my ability, and when he is right...maybe it is time to bring out the ice cream ±P (skinner). You see NT's never realized it was a skill worth practicing. For an autistic, it might be the most important skill in his whole life. My guess is that once practiced, he will turn from a social outcast into the most charismatic and human flair person in the world .

To describe it in a ICT language, I am sure some of you can relate. Yes adding a config file is really great to a program or a game. But you can guess the start up problems, when the config file is empty by default .

For those believing in the evolution theory. There seems to be a pattern that skills and bird songs, go from born in there DNA, to be learned and copied from there enviroment. Home Sapiens ( I always chuckle when I read the translation) even managed to split to atom because of a delay in initial knowledge. So if ASD people are even slower? What could that mean? Well heck, i can tell you who I am going to send as part of the ...hello aliens...diplomatic negations envoy

I am now 36, and even though I made some remarkable bold scientific suggestions during my early years...I would consider myself barely 24. When it comes to changing from young adult to adult.

About the topic called "sensative"....do not read if you not ready to handle sensitive. For the intend of the poster was most caring and humane. But if you get to my post...even the words "sensative" will not be enough . But if no suitable recent discovery can be made....I think my hypothetical theory will suit quit nicely if turned into experiments

But to go back to the topic of this thread. I give it one big I agree!

 

[Greg]

I think there are a lot of jerks out there but there are still a lot of good guys that are nice. Don't give up.

 

[M Robert]

There is alot of jerks out there more than nice guys but it will all work out

 

[Suiseiseki]

There is alot of jerks out there more than nice guys but it will all work out

You can't promise that lol
Life isn't a thing that is fair, some people get relationships, some people don't.
Instead of mindless "it will get better" nonsense, perhaps some advice or something to try and make it better.

 

[HisShadowX]

Weird is good but you need someone to deal with your weirdness and vice versa

 

[SurvivalCyclist]

funny bc ive had dead beat women in my life the girlfriends i had the best times with im still friends with i think of myself as one of the good guys but i have high standards and know exactly what i want

 

[eonbus]

jerks and villains go together thats why they are players.