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Aspergers and two homes.

A

Alexandria Holmes

Active Member
hey guys,
So how did you deal with split homes? My 11 year old stepson seems to be having some difficulty. he has aspergers so the change in routine is throwing him for a loop but he is at this stage where he doesn't want his mom to feel like maybe he is choosing us over her. here lately he has said he doesn't understand why he has to go to two homes and he just wants to be like his friends who don't have to do that. his father and I know that he loves us and we definitely don't have a perfect relationship with his mom but we have always kept things civil while Bowen is present. If your're an aspie and come from a home of divorce, how did you cope with having two homes? I hate that B is struggling and I just want to help him. thanks in advance!
 
I moved out of my Parents in August 2006 aged 30, and technically I'm now living in 2 different places, sometimes I spend time up at Mum and Dad's in between living here at the Flat (Apartment to Americans).
 
I’m not from a broken home, so I can’t fully answer the question. I often spent a week or a weekend at my grandparents, whose routine was vastly different from my parents, but always predictable in its own way. I didn’t struggle with that. I liked it.

I did not like staying over at friends’ houses though. Their rules were often weird and alien to me and I hated waking up early in the morning while others were still sleeping and being confronted with not being in my own home. I would feel trapped. I’m 32 now and still don’t like spending the night at someone else’s house (I’ve moved out of my parents’ place 14 years ago though). Theirs is the only place I don’t feel uncomfortable staying, and then only for so long.
 
My brother got his parents divorced ( he's my half brother but always considered him brother anyway) , but his father ( my father aswell ) got the right to keep him like i dont know the word in english but it was exclusive (exclusive custody according to google translate), so he didnt have to do that. He also advocated that he wanted one home.

11 years old is maybe too young, but at aroud 13 he should be able to know how he wants to live , I mean if he wants only one home he should also have the right to , in france we consider the interest of the child at first.
Maybe later you can ask him wat seems more practical for him, regarding school and other factors like that.
Then a judge should be able to make it the law and the other parent can still have the right to see his child on a more casual planning and in the other hands he should give some money i guess.
 
Iamnotarabot said:
My brother got his parents divorced ( he's my half brother but always considered him brother anyway) , but his father ( my father aswell ) got the right to keep him like i dont know the word in english but it was exclusive (exclusive custody according to google translate), so he didnt have to do that. He also advocated that he wanted one home.

11 years old is maybe too young, but at aroud 13 he should be able to know how he wants to live , I mean if he wants only one home he should also have the right to , in france we consider the interest of the child at first.
Maybe later you can ask him wat seems more practical for him, regarding school and other factors like that.
Then a judge should be able to make it the law and the other parent can still have the right to see his child on a more casual planning and in the other hands he should give some money i guess.
Click to expand...

Our son loves us and does enjoy his time here. I think he is just at that age where is now old enough and realizes his mom isn’t necessarily a fan of us and he doesn’t want her to feel like he chooses us over her and doesn’t want to disappoint her. We have been doing every other weekend visits for about 3 years now and it’s only came up recently more so when he is already upset about something else that happened at daycare or something that upsets him during therapy. His mom does have sole custody as it is.. I think what I’m trying to accomplish here is helping Bowen understand why he has two homes and more importantly that he is loved beyond measure even tho his dynamic isn’t quite like his friends which in his eyes he sees as normal.
 
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