Are You Hard To Please?

[SimonSays]

I like it when you do something for me
Give something of yourself
And yet when it occurs
As it does now and again
Nice as it is…
I often realise I should have done it myself
Because it seems that nobody can do it
The way I can

You do something for me
You want to know what I like
But how can you know that…
Unless you know me?
I could tell you
But if I do
Won’t I have to keep telling you?
And won’t you get used to it?
So how can I tell you
When you need to see me for yourself
See me as I am
So I can accept what you do
Even if I would have done it differently?

So how should I be
When I want to let you do what you feel to do?
I have no right to expect anything
Nor let you just do things I do not like to do

Perhaps that is why I am alone
What choice do I really have?
I can imagine something else
Feel its possibility
But the reality is
I’m hard to please

 

[The Pandector]

It sort of sounds as if you're looking for a lover who can read your mind. Could be a long wait... or not.

 

[SimonSays]

It sort of sounds as if you're looking for a lover who can read your mind.

Not read my mind, KNOW ME like I feel I know her.

I had a relationship with someone who was very good at pleasing me. And if I told her what I liked and what I wanted she was happy because it meant she got it right and didn't have to guess. But she didn't know me, she was just good at pleasing me, and while telling her what I thought I wanted did help, I couldn't continue to do it because it didn't feel right to keep telling her.

Things weren't right, we weren't right, and this was a way of compensating for what was missing. She pleased me, so things were okay, but if she didn't, suddenly there was a problem. I'd have to help her to understand what I meant when I'd told her what it was she could do, which was what she wanted to know. I was taking control, taking over, becoming the boss, that was not what I wanted at all.

 

[Aspychata]

Not read my mind, KNOW ME like I feel I know her.

I had a relationship with someone who was very good at pleasing me. And if I told her what I liked and what I wanted she was happy because it meant she got it right and didn't have to guess. But she didn't know me, she was just good at pleasing me, and while telling her what I thought I wanted did help, I couldn't continue to do it because it didn't feel right to keep telling her.

Things weren't right, we weren't right, and this was a way of compensating for what was missing. She pleased me, so things were okay, but if she didn't, suddenly there was a problem. I'd have to help her to understand what I meant when I'd told her what it was she could do, which was what she wanted to know. I was taking control, taking over, becoming the boss, that was not what I wanted at all.

Maybe your definition of a relationship is read my mind. Some people believe relationships are based on people pleasing each other and enjoying each other's company.

Please don't get upset at what l have to say. These are my thoughts only. True relationships are give and take. There isn't one who can read you all the time, you change as everybody does. The neat thing about knowing somebody is *discovering* their quirks. It's the journey of finding out all the layers that make somebody. Just to show up and know everything about somebody just because you like it that way is not what relationships are based on. One person who expects you wait on all their exact needs and know them down to how they place their coffee cup in the left quadrant of the counter, two inches left of the coffee pot, with the handle always pointing towards the sink faucet, only 1/3 full because you may have a tab of OCD? Lol There isn't anything wrong, you are wired differently and look at things a bit differently.

But if you meet this incredible person, let me know if they have any brothers.

From what l read, plenty of men can't even meet a woman, much less a female who seems to please you. Are you just super critical of others perhaps?

 

[SimonSays]

Please don't get upset at what l have to say.

I won't

One person who expects you wait on all their exact needs and know them down to how they place their coffee cup in the left quadrant, two inches left of the coffee pot, with the handle always pointing towards the sink faucet, only 1/3 full because you are OCD.

I would hate to be in a relationship like that.

True relationships are give and take. There isn't one who can read you all the time, you change as everybody does. The neat thing about knowing somebody is *discovering* their quirks. It's the journey of finding out all the layers that make somebody. Just to show up and know everything about somebody just because you like it that way is not what relationships are based on.

I understand. I've had a few goes at it, and two marriages! I love discovering. I'm good at it. I see so much. I try many things. It really comes down to compatibility though. I'm hard to know. For various reasons. People don't do things like me. I accept that. But they still like to please. We like to make each other happy. It becomes too much.

She's so often on my mind, almost always in the beginning. I can feel her even when she's not there. I'm always connected, energetically. It does feel a bit obsessive. That's the difficult part. My relationships have all been such close connections. Best friends. While we don't have to do everything together, I would do anything with her, would share anything with her, our tastes and likes are so similar.

But what I've noticed as a pattern in all of them as time went on, as the intensity wore off and normality set in, the energetic connection, which had been fuelling everything from the beginning, dissipates. It's a slow process, and of course she notices it on some level, and thinks she needs to compensate or do something or she's done something wrong. She hasn't. It just happens. And slowly but surely a pattern of trying to please and not succeeding sets in. Trying to compensate for what slowly appears to be missing more and more.

 

[Aspychata]

Then you should be truthful. Let that person know. It's only fair. You have fizzled out then you need to move on. I am in the reverse, it just completely gets better and better. It really messes with my poor head.

 

[SimonSays]

From what l read, plenty of men can't even meet a woman, much less a female who seems to please you. Are you just super critical of others perhaps?

Perhaps. I am quite critical of myself. I don't take myself too seriously just what I do. It's easy to project that onto others especially if you've been around them awhile. We all like to raise our game. Be the best we can be.

 

[SimonSays]

Then you should be truthful. Let that person know. It's only fair. You have fizzled out then you need to move on.

You may be right, and there were times when I wish I could have done that, but it isn't as easy as that, and definitely not for me. Especially when there are children involved, and being a dad is the reason I'm there.

 

[Aspychata]

Ouch. Okay. You are being kind and not hurting developing little minds. I understand now.

 

[Aspychata]

Ouch. Okay. You are being kind and not hurting developing little minds. I understand now.

 

[Streetwise]

Perhaps. I am quite critical of myself. I don't take myself too seriously just what I do. It's easy to project that onto others especially if you've been around them awhile. We all like to raise our game. Be the best we can be.

nah don't worry you're not too critical